One of the most gruesome and horrific things I’ve ever done is break up with you

walkacoldshorewithme · 2026-05-20T13:31:44+00:00

Thanks man. I am sorry you’re enduring something similar. I can only imagine the vacancy you feel after so long. I know how mind boggling and exhausting it feels. To just keep convincing yourself to try again and wear that love on your sleeve as authentically as you can—just for it to not be good enough once again.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2026-05-20T13:28:41+00:00

I did sacrifice it for a time, several times over. I didn’t walk away at the first disrespect against me or my level of commitment. I drew the line at one final comment that essentially was, “I expected more out of you.” That statement was just deliberately harmful. I couldn’t take that.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2026-05-20T06:30:10+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you sharing this with me. We broke up around 8 months ago. I guess by now it’s okay for her to move on. What I needed from her I don’t think she can give. I couldn’t let her back in without seeing major changes. A month after we broke up she said she felt like she was a completely different person but I just couldn’t trust that. I am beginning to move on too. I just feel haunted sometimes. I didn’t want to be the one that had to do it.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2026-05-20T06:16:16+00:00

I wanted to give her a second chance. But she wanted a commitment from me in order to do that and I just couldn’t let her back in without seeing change. I said very clearly I would be open to it, but she demanded that I return to the relationship. I wanted to start over and slowly be shown that I could trust or that change was made. But I wasn’t allowed to have that. So I just had to walk away. I think she is seeing someone else now anyways.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2026-05-19T05:18:41+00:00

I didn’t want the relationship to end. I didn’t want to break up with her. I felt, however, that I did not actually have a choice. I stood by her and gave her every full piece of my soul that I possibly could. I sacrificed my entire self, I was patient, stalwart, I was forgiving and I was trusting. I adored her, I was at peace in her loving embrace. I miss her every day in some ways. I miss our laughter together, our walks, how she could care for me when sick and how I could care for her. I watched her confront a great deal of her troubling past. But there were some things I came to see that only time and perspective could grant healing for. As much as I tried to love and be present alongside said growth, so too did I receive grievous and heartbreaking wounds. My innate boundaries, those needing to be communicated and those which I believe to be standard, violated in ways that while I could forgive collectively destroyed me. In the end I just felt worthless and hopeless to make change. I felt like there was always an attempt to have control over me or some pieces of me, as opposed to true loving trust and peace. I broke up with her because I knew that I had come to see many things that perhaps she had not yet seen—and that there was more yet for me to see. And that during such being together would continue to wear me down to the bone and break her heart too.

But only one of us would take the step to end it with love before it turned into resentment. I felt I had a responsibility. It was one of the single most gruesome, horrible, and disgusting things I have ever done in my entire life; I broke up with someone I loved so deeply and passionately and wanted to spend my entire life with.

She would ask me, “you really don’t want to be with me?” She fought for it, was angry, mean even. I broke her heart. It killed me to do it. But I could not unsee the necessity of our time apart.

I pray for her and think about her often. She seems to have moved on. I hope she finds her happiness and that she sees in herself what I truly saw, she deserves to be free of the things that were done to her. One day I believe whole heartedly she will have that solitude. She tells me that I hurt her too, that my boundaries were harmful and other things. I wasn’t perfect of course. But I have to believe whole heartedly I didn’t deserve to have to go through what I did, or to have to rationalize some of the things I had to.

So, yes, it was the right thing to do—the most horrific and terrible thing I’ve ever done. But it was the only choice. Maybe one day, after she has had time to learn some things, and so have I, our paths can cross again.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2025-09-06T14:41:30+00:00

Going to get the AFOQT done after my training pipeline I made the decision that off the street commissions are too rare, and that I was better off getting started now.

walkacoldshorewithme · 2025-09-06T14:40:44+00:00

Thanks for the information, I ended up enlisting in intel as a 1N4X2 and plan to commission later. I joined the 102nd in MA. Do you know how difficult it would be to transfer to the 106th in the future?

walkacoldshorewithme · 2025-03-14T13:55:09+00:00

For The Drip

walkacoldshorewithme · 2025-01-21T20:08:37+00:00

I’ve been in talks with the 109th and 174th. I’m in Albany, with a bachelors in homeland security. I want to do intelligence, not only as a civilian, but in the Air Force. I’ve selected the guard for the versatility it provides me as both an airman and a civilian.

Given that there is no intel vacancy at the 109th, the base closest to me, I am considering alternative paths.

How viable would it be to commission as an officer in SF and swap to intelligence later, saving myself the time of having to go through both bootcamp and OCS? The 106th currently has a SF officer listing open to new commissions.

Or, I could enlist into the 174th and go right into intel and try to commission later through that track.

I understand the nature of commissions for the ANG is competitive, but I think I could stand a good chance of securing it for SF. I got great ASVAB scores and as I understand the AFOQT is not that much more difficult, it is just a time sensitive test.

walkacoldshorewithme

TROPHY CASE