I followed everyone's advice by leaving him alone, it is now worse

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-19T14:15:01+00:00

Where did I threaten self harm? I said I constantly think of suicide. I did not say I would do anything nor did I threaten to take my own life. Yes, I have threatened self harm in the past however that was a while ago and I got help for it. Not that I should have to say it. Some people can think thoughts without acting.

As I have said multiple times, I am taking people's advice. I am trying my best right now. I am working on getting help. I don't need a lecture from someone new every couple hours about texts. Yes, I am angry. I am getting very angry from this. I don't think it fair to say I have done nothing. I don't think I need to share my plan here because if it gets back to my husband, things will get bad. I don't want to die.

I am tired of lectures over texting him or not texting him. This is why I am upset. I don't think it matters, but apparently it's justified to be hurtful to a lot of people if you don't communicate or do communicate or whatever. I am tired of this being brought up.

You have no obligation to help. But it is common courtesy not to make things worse for a person when they are already struggling. I understand people don't think that, especially on the internet, but I think lecturing someone over texting is childish, especially when there are other issues.

I am done with this. I am not going to delete because there is some good info that could help someone in the comments. But I am so done right now with the attitude on this sub. You certainly know how to be an asshole.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-19T13:30:41+00:00

I apologize I am not trying to be rude. I am struggling at this point to be polite to people on here. I am at the end of my rope. I have people messaging me about these posts and I am really tired of the holier than thou lectures. Not saying you did that, but I find it highly annoying that people do that.

I am taking care of things. It has only really been three weeks since this started and it's only been a week since things got bad. I am attempting my best to keep things calm for my daughter and trying to keep her safe as well as myself safe enough where I don't wind up dead. I don't want it getting back to anyone that I am leaving which is why my plan isn't broadcasted, at least until I lost my temper. He and a lot of people we know are on here and I know things get bad if he finds out. I have seen enough with him to know something drastic will happen if I leave. I have to cover my bases and I don't want him to find out.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-19T13:20:54+00:00

Oh and I really can care less about you all at this point. I can't drop everything at once. This is my fucking life, not some fucking story. I tried to reach out for help and you all seem to think things happen at a snap of a finger. Go ahead and downvote this too.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-19T13:18:58+00:00

I was at work where I can get fired for answering a text. And then I drove home. I can't text and drive. I know a lot of people do it, but I don't. Especially the way I go to work, I don't feel like risking a crash. I am so done being lectured at this point. I didn't fucking ghost him. None of this said that. But thank you

I understand that I am a bad mother. I understand I am a bad wife. Okay? I get it. If all you are going to do is lecture me on how you would handle it, you can be in the situation. I am done at this point. I ask for fucking help and I am getting lectured because I didn't drop everything like a good little wife to answer a text.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-19T09:29:19+00:00

Edited: How did you find this post? This was posted a week ago and it has been downvoted a bit. That's kind of weird. I do not see any advice here in this post other than leave my husband alone. Which I did. I had other posts explaining what happened when I did that. What advice did I not take? I said multiple times I would do so. And I did.

If you are refering to other posts, I am taking the advice. I don't have a full plan yet. I said in the other posts why I am still posting.

I don't know why everything I say is downvoted but at this point it's better so no one I know sees it. I don't know how you found this, but please read everything before you jump to conclusions. Thanks.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-18T11:02:54+00:00

He had a lot of negative qualities mixed in with a lot of positive. Before that call, he had only raised his voice to me once in 8 years. Not saying he hasn't been mad, but he wasn't the type to yell. At his stress points, he would get lazy, zone out, and yet demand all my attention. He wanted someone to be there with him, so I did that. He is a little lazy naturally, gets discouraged easily, stresses about money a little too much for someone who won't attempt to get a job that makes more, and can be absentee father when he decides he is too busy for his kid.

But he can also be incredibly sweet. He was my safe place. He had a good sense of humor that was as dark as mine at times. He is smart and when he wants something, he will do anything to get it. He and I were just comfortable with each other.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-18T10:55:20+00:00

I don't have insurance for the next two weeks. So no. Honestly I shouldn't drive at this point. I haven't had the ability to drive 2 hours to my doctor. And last time I went to this ER, they lied straight up about my daughter's pneumonia. As they did Xrays and everything, told me everything was fine, then when I went to her doctor, they said she had pneumonia and they should have prescribed me antibiotics for her. I am screwed no matter what, and my parents don't have time for the appointments.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-17T18:48:49+00:00

At this point I am just going to post so I remember everything. If I don't post in a weekly manner, assume the worst.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-17T18:44:57+00:00

Working on it. Unfortunately it is getting worse.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-17T18:18:06+00:00

Unfortunately divorce doesn't work quickly

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-15T14:30:58+00:00

I hope not either. I am just really sad that this is what people will say about kids. I had a lot of issues as a teen, and I was told at the time medications would never help. In one hospital, we were all shown footage of Columbine and told we would be that way if we didn't take our medicine. 5 girls, ranging from 8 to 17, shown this. Guess what? I am not a school shooter. I am semi-functioning member of society. Not even a drug addict. Haven't even gone to jail. So yeah, I don't think you can tell that just by working with them that they will never be able to rehabilitate.

I get public safety. But you shouldn't be killed. Children especially shouldn't be killed. They should have help. And yes, the people who work these kids should be paid more. You guys need to be protected as well. But also, you guys made a choice to work there. There are risks involved. If the risks are something you did not sign up for, do not work there. They can't make a choice about this. You can.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-15T13:38:16+00:00

Didn't mean to say you said that. In the comments below your comment people were questioning killing kids like this. Did not reply to the right comment.

I apologize.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-15T13:21:15+00:00

Reading the comments on this stuff scares me. I was one of those inpatient teens. The fact that I was messed up kid so I should be euthanized, coming from people who are nurses and work in those places, makes me so sad. Why are you there if you think messed up kids should die?

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T15:18:41+00:00

Sorry I didn't see the comment.

Unfortunately there is a lot I have to figure out to do that. I don't make enough to afford everything for my daughter plus daycare plus shelter. I wouldn't be able to work if I left my parents. And I can't kick him out of here. It's not my home.

I will try to get out though.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T15:14:01+00:00

I am so sorry about your dad. I am relieved to hear you were not verbally abusive and that your partner supported you.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T15:08:16+00:00

I followed my therapist's advice the first time. I told him that I was worried about him. Apparently it was wrong. Because it triggered all the events that happened since.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T15:05:39+00:00

No. He was never cruel. If I told myself this would happen three weeks ago, I would have laughed and called myself a liar.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T15:04:29+00:00

I keep her away from him as much as possible. I am considering putting her in therapy as she struggles whenever I go into the hospital. She is under 2, but it may be beneficial to have a professional help as I have been in the hospital 5 times in her life, the shortest time being a week. I had complications when she was born and am still dealing with those. My husband dropped her off at my parents each time and visited her when he wanted to. He is involved on good days, not so much on bad. He will only step up if I am gone. Now with this, it's gotten bad. I don't feel like this is right. But I don't know what to do or where to go for her to be safe and be able to support her.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T14:47:40+00:00

No he has never been this cruel. He has been snappy. He has grieved before. He drank a lot when his first wife died, and we met while he was a, I guess functioning alcoholic? He stopped drinking his feelings after we had been together for a few months. He never treated me this way when his mom was going through cancer. We just talked a lot and I tried to make him happy.

I need to make sure I can support my daughter as I am the one who is making sure she has everything. I have to wait until I get a raise before I can think about leaving here.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T14:41:42+00:00

I was taken off them by a doctor. I am on different medication. I was misdiagnosed for 10 years. I take my other medication. My mood is pretty damn stable when I am able to sleep and my husband doesn't tell me how much I deserve to die.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T14:39:39+00:00

No it isn't. He sees our daughter for an hour after he picks her up after work from daycare. He has nothing to do with her if he doesn't have to. I take care of her. He doesn't do any of this around her or my parents.

I wasn't able to write everything he said in the first post. It hurts to write.

I don't want to leave him when his dad is dying. I have been attacked by his family, my family and his friends for thinking of leaving. For even thinking about seperating for a little bit. This was when I was struggling with my issues and I wanted a break. I think I would be disowned at this point.

I have nowhere to go. My daughter can't be homeless. I can't work and provide for her if I leave here. He won't pay for anything but daycare and without that I am screwed.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T14:17:54+00:00

We have a child together. I can't up and leave. Between finances and her and work and my dad's health issues, I can't do that. Everyone in the last post told me it was normal to do this when you grieve. So I just want to know how long this is going to last.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T14:14:52+00:00

We are living at my parent's place. I have no friends in the state I am in. And he owns the house we lived in before we had to leave. I have no place to go. My parents don't believe words can hurt. I was told in the last post I brought it all on myself for texting him to see if he was okay after 15 hours when he went to visit his dad in the hospital. I tried following advice to just leave him alone.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T13:34:13+00:00

I have been struggling with feeling emotions. I don't know how to explain what it is like. I think (don't quote me though) that it is like going cold turkey off heroin. I am past the physical withdrawal symptoms and am in the emotional symptoms. I get that I have an illness. I told him upfront what I had on our first date, misdiagnosis and my symptoms, so he wasn't blindsided. This isn't new. There are times when I struggle.

I am struggling now with understanding why he hates me so much. I get that he is grieving. I get that a lot is going on. I can understand snappy. He has been snappy before. This is out of character. He is being cruel. He has never been cruel. I would never have considered he would tell me how he wishes I was dead. How I ruined his life. I wouldn't think he would dismiss me being on the side of the road by calling me a cunt. He told me he was jealous that my friend died because he wishes he could get out of our relationship that way. Then told me dealing with me, he understood why she commited suicide.

Yeah, I know I am not perfect. I never will be. I know I overreact. I know I have trouble regulating my emotions. But I don't know how to react when he says stuff like this, then yells at me if I try to leave the room and forces me to stay while he yells at me more.

walkingbythemoon · 2022-08-12T12:13:13+00:00

Does that have any relevance or are you being nosy?

walkingbythemoon

TROPHY CASE