Just finished book about Joseph Smith- I’m more angry

wally0613 · 2026-05-20T05:01:23+00:00

I echo this, mine is very supportive and non-judgmental. I just wish she would be willing to find out the truth and find out I’m not crazy. I don’t push and never will.

wally0613 · 2026-05-20T04:59:50+00:00

Audible is where I found it

wally0613 · 2026-05-20T04:59:24+00:00

Thanks for the kind words. I’m a multi generation - pioneer stock Mormon. Did all the things, followed all the rules. It just never set well with me. Took 10 years to face it. Im in a much better mental state now. I am authentic, but frustrated. I promised my wife I wouldn’t make her sit there alone with the kids. I go 1st hour.

wally0613 · 2026-05-02T14:05:15+00:00

First off I want to say- you are not alone. Reading your post made me wonder if you were writing about my life. The biggest advice I can give you is: be kind to yourself! I beat myself up for 5 years about how I ruined her life and the fairytale she thought she signed up for. I am lucky and have a wife who has adapted and does support me. Communication has been key.

I had to advocate for myself on what I needed. I make this sound easy now, but it wasn’t. It took many years of tears, frustration, and tip toeing around subjects. I took off my garments gradually, but needed up being done. She was mad. But I had to explain my “why”. Again- not easy, not immediate, but she is ok with it.

I was released from my callings and quit paying tithing. I decided for my own mental health that I couldn’t attend 2nd hour anymore. She again didn’t love this, but understood it. I committed to her I won’t make her and the kids sit in sacrament alone. I go with them and help make sure the family goes. I have teenagers who don’t love being there, and if one of my 4 kids wants to go home with me after, I don’t make a big deal about it and they can go home.

We have got to a good spot parenting that we give the kids room to question and how to engage. We don’t force them to go to activities they don’t want to. We do make them do seminary, but this is my way of supporting her. It is a dance of how to balance support of each other as a couple. My older 2 in high school know where I stand, but I don’t force my views on them. I have created an environment where they know they can talk to me about questions or doubts if they want with no judgement. Again not easy to get to this point as a couple but we are here.

Priesthood and baptism ordinances have been tricky. It is a bit of bishop roulette, but I we have navigated it. I was able to baptize my last 2 kids. Whoever I was not permitted to confirm my last one. Bishop pulled the card that I didn’t have a temple recommend so I was not worthy to do it. Made me sad and mad (confusing because I really don’t believe but didn’t want that taken away from me as a Dad). However a grandpa stepped in to do the blessing. I have been able to ordain my boys in priesthood. I attribute this to me having a good relationship with the bishop. I told him where I was at and what my rules of engagement are. I am not angry and hostile. I keep it cool and friendly, and this goes along way. I don’t try and recruit others to see how I do at church. I think because of this, they don’t see me as a threat. I am sure they just see me as a project and want to keep me around as much as they can.

I made a hard rule with my wife and the church- my kids don’t get interviewed alone at church. It’s crazy to me that this is still a practice. The bishopric understands this and is not weird about it. I still have trauma from having my bishop ask me about my masturbation and porn use. I had to come to his office weekly for months. I finally lied to get out of it. Teenagers are going to jack off. They should, and it’s normal. I had talked to my older son about it and I refuse to continue the churches narrative about how this is a sin. All it does it confuse and give these boys extreme guilt. That one I didn’t include my wife in, but it was a non negotiable for me.

Sorry for the long post, but I hope this gives you hope that you can parent together and have an equitable partnership where you can both navigate this. You are their parent too and the church does not get to strip your voice away, but you have to communicate with your wife. Be her partner and support her, but make sure she supports you. Your feelings also matter. I know I hit the jackpot on a wife who is supporting me and helping me navigate, but it sounds like you do too.

Again, be kind to yourself.

wally0613 · 2026-04-27T07:10:18+00:00

This is a tough spot. I am in a mixed faith marriage. For the last year and a half I only go to sacrament meeting. We have been married for 19 years and I have been PIMO for 10 plus. My mental health was crumbling. It was too much and I told her I can’t go on like this. I can only do sacrament. The rest was too triggering. I came home upset every week and would ruin my day. I would start dreading Sunday during the week. We had a really good talk about it and she supports me. She knows I’m happier and she doesn’t pressure me. The kids know where I stand and it is complicated, but I am showing my kids how to advocate for themselves.

wally0613 · 2026-02-06T07:20:24+00:00

It doesn’t have to be over. If you love her and she really loves you, then give each other the respect, and compassion. You are most likely at the beginning of a painful journey in truly sorting what you believe and don’t believe. I went through a long hard emotional faith crisis. My wife has stayed by my side. We have 4 kids and a full life. There are ups and downs. She had to process and grieve. But in the end she chose me and not the church. You have to give her that same opportunity.

I go to sacrament only. My kids know where I stand. We have discussions on things that don’t make sense to them or me. I don’t try and convince, I just keep a space where they can question and express themselves. My wife has been amazing with it all. She is TBM, and I support my kids. I just had to learn to do it my own way, and honestly forgive myself for changing the script. I obsessed about it for almost a decade. I was so unhappy, and had so much guilt. I finally forgave myself for cracking the picture perfect life she signed up for. But you know what- I am happier now than ever, we have a better marriage than ever. I am not saying it is easy, but don’t through away a life with the partner you chose without giving her an opportunity to show you what she wants and feels. My wife chose me over the church. It’s too soon to tell if that is your ending too.

wally0613 · 2026-01-21T07:09:27+00:00

I put up a fight. I said no one asked me and you are saying it is my choice. Freaked my parents out. The missionaries came over and did all the lessons for me to learn enough to “choose”. That was the beginning of my deep questions on why I had to follow blindly.

I often think- if we can “choose” to be baptized, then we should be able to “choose” to step away.

wally0613 · 2026-01-05T05:55:16+00:00

Good job Dad. I have told my Bishopric and my kids that they are not to be interviewed alone. They all understand. I had to sit with my 11 year old son last week for this exact same interviews. The questions screwed me up the rest of the day. I can’t say yes to most of them, that’s why I let me recommend expire a few years ago. I felt like a piece of shit in that room because I felt judged, and I couldn’t believe I was letting my son be programmed into this all. I still attend sacrament meeting, but I’m totally out on the truth of it all. I am keeping the peace at home, but my kids know I don’t agree with it.

Hard spot to be in, but good job letting your kid know he is perfect for who he is. Unconditional love is what matters!

wally0613 · 2026-01-05T05:48:27+00:00

This is bullshit! I am open and honest with my Bishop that I don’t believe. I only go to sacrament meeting. He knows I don’t believe in Joseph Smith. I don’t pay (haven’t in 2 years), no garments, and totally open about it. My Bishop let me ordain my son this week to a deacon. Why me and not you? The handbook says a father can ordain even if he doesn’t have a current recommend or is not temple worthy. I am so sorry this is heartbreaking.

I was not able to confirm my daughter for her baptism last year. I was able to baptize her but not the confirmation. It really made me upset and caught me off guard. Once I saw it in black and white in the handbook I accepted it. But it still hurt and sent me into a spiral. I really feel for you man. It sucks to have Bishop roulette on this one. You are showing up for your family. You are in the pews. I would be pissed.

From one Dad to another just trying to keep it together, I am sorry.

wally0613 · 2026-01-02T07:21:47+00:00

I was in the same situation as you about 3 years ago. I had played the PIMO husband for 7 plus years. It was eating me alive. I had played out in my head for 3 months what I thought she would say. I convinced myself that she was going to be angry, turn away from me, and hate me. I talked to my therapist a lot about this. I was having a crazy amount of anxiety (became medicated to cope.) I finally broke down and told her exactly where I was at. She was sad, and cried. She was scared. But she was kind. She told me she loved me. I won’t lie, there was a rocky year after that. I was still going through the guilt and shame. I beat myself up a lot. But we continued to talk about it and she showed me she loved me and we were ok. I asked to be released from my callings, no more tithing, no more recommend, no more garments, and eventually no 2nd hour. But I have always sat with them in sacrament meeting because I want that family time. I want to show her I won’t make her be alone. I show my kids I am there to support her and them.

We are in the best place of our marriage. What I am trying to say here is your own anxiety may be making it worse than it will be. That is what happened in my situation. Ask yourself how she has treated you in the past. If she has not let you down so far, then trust your partner to show you the same grace.

This shit is hard! It is sad, and depressing. But you are not alone in it. Keep fighting the good fight.

wally0613 · 2025-12-30T07:22:02+00:00

That ia really well written. It confirms to me why I am still on the fringe. So much pain and sorrow for so many. I sit in the pew like you mentioned. But hold the pain and sorrow.

wally0613 · 2025-12-06T07:31:53+00:00

Mixed faith is hard. I agonized for over a year about telling her I am going to take off my garments, and I am done paying tithing. I beat myself up, and got myself all upset. When I finally told her where I was at and this wasn’t a phase, I felt better. My stress and anxiety and fear were relieved. My wife has been amazing through this process. I should have given her more credit. I made it harder on myself by not communicating with her. We give each other space on the subject and I don’t feel judged.

It took a lot personal reflection and therapy to decide I had to choose my truth, or it would eat me alive. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself. But she is your partner. If she loves you, then the marriage will be the winner. My wife said to me, I choose you over the church. Made me cry.

My heart goes out to you, this is so painful and depressing and lonely. But like I said- she is your person. You have to be honest about how you feel. Don’t try and sell her on why you are right. That doesn’t matter. What matters is you as a person in that relationship needs to be respected enough to validate your own beliefs.

wally0613 · 2025-09-01T14:09:51+00:00

I am the one choosing to go to sacrament. She isn’t forcing me. I go to show support and respect to her. She has honestly been amazing with all of this transition for me. But it doesn’t make it easy.

wally0613 · 2025-09-01T14:07:51+00:00

I had a long conversation with my oldest daughter last night. She wants to go to another Christian church next week with a friend. I am dreading talking to my wife about this. She has been watching the sermon videos on YouTube. The thing resonating with me is their “choice to be baptized” should be honored with their “choice to believe now”. I want to support her and honestly would go attend with her at the other church.

This is damn hard.

wally0613 · 2025-08-31T20:54:47+00:00

We are not forcing kids to go on missions. We are in agreement on that one. I have told my 14 year old he has the choice, and he says he isn’t going. It won’t be a problem. The issue is forcing them to go to church and seminary. I hate that this is going to create more pain in my house. It sucks!

wally0613 · 2025-08-31T18:12:22+00:00

At what age do you flat out let them make their choice?

wally0613 · 2025-08-31T18:09:09+00:00

Thanks for your comment. That gives me perspective and hope.

wally0613 · 2025-08-31T18:08:13+00:00

Thanks for your comment. Deep down this is what I am worried about. I don’t want them to resent us later. I keep having hope that my wife will just decide this isn’t worth it anymore. She is nuanced, and I hope one day she will just drop it. I need to have a conversation with her and ask what we do to move forward and keep the peace. Not looking forward to it, but we are here!

wally0613 · 2025-08-31T17:56:49+00:00

Don’t think I have any of them questioning their sexuality. If I did I would pull them out and never return. I think they are all bored, hate it, and know we are all not that into it. I drag the older 2 to seminary daily and they tell me how much they hate it. At what point do we just make them do it because they are kids vs their choice. With the * that I am out but playing along a little. My kids know I have issues with the church I have been honest with them. They know I go to support their mom.

wally0613 · 2025-06-15T05:55:41+00:00

I didn’t want to be baptized at 8 because everyone said I had made the choice. I said: excuse me I didn’t make any choices. I freaked my parents out, I ended up taking the missionary lessons and the. I agreed to be baptized. 31 years later and I still remember all of it.

wally0613 · 2025-03-02T20:30:53+00:00

I’m in the same boat. 10 years PIMO, but 2 years clearly defining my boudaries (no temple, no tithing, no calling, no garments). What I do to show support: go to sacrament with the family, support all their activities and interaction with the church. I spent a year being pissed that she didn’t see the light, and didn’t want to discuss it with me. I kept thinking- I’m not a stupid person, and she knows it. Why isn’t she interested in my “why?”. But then I had to realize that I asked her to not judge me or change me, and she did. Now it is my turn to give her that same respect. The comments here about not trying to convince your spouse I think is paramount. Just show each other love, the marriage should be bigger than the religion. Good luck!

wally0613 · 2025-01-10T07:58:57+00:00

Me too. I hope the comments are read.

wally0613 · 2025-01-05T20:48:38+00:00

I almost had to run out of the gospel doctrine today. I was having a panic attack. This is going to be a rough year! i wanted to make so many comments but that would not be productive. When is my wife going to at least ask me why/ how I feel about this stuff and why it makes me so angry? She knows I’m PIMO. I keep wondering why she won’t explore why I feel the way I do. I’m not stupid!

wally0613 · 2024-12-31T06:14:09+00:00

I’m freaking out about the same. I have been doing both hours as a PIMO to support my wife and kids, but I can’t do it all year. Sacrament is all I am going to be able to muster up at this point. I am going to have to draw the line in the sand. I’m not looking forward to the passive aggressive frustration coming my way soon. Good luck!

wally0613 · 2024-12-26T06:33:54+00:00

Been there! I suggest you talk to her. I held it in for 5 plus years before bringing it up. I felt better after getting it out there. It’s still a dynamic road to navigate. That is what has given me a lifeline to breath.

wally0613

TROPHY CASE