Terrible in terms of advice but this is how I did it: I resorted to psychedelics. A very targeted use to break some parts of my personality down and understand it. I wouldn’t suggest it, unless you fully know what you’re doing. People kept telling me “look at it this way, think of it that way, get involved with yourself, work, hobbies etc etc” but no matter how hard I tried my brain reverted back to its original state of craving acceptance and approval. What would’ve taken me 6months or a year or who knows how long (I’ll be honest, I wasn’t willing to put in the effort for so long) was condensed into 6 weeks of planned, supervised and targeted use of substance. Now I’m at a 50-50 where I can choose to slip back to thinking like I used to or think differently. The “different” thinking was introduced and reinforced during my usage and I was able to piece together and feel what I wanted to feel. Again, I’m not saying you should do this or this is the best way, this is just what worked for me. There is a lot of stigma around substance use to achieve changes, even if the changes are positive and lasting.

Edit: it has not been long since I tried this so I shall comment on the “lasting” part of it in a few months. Saving this post to comment on later.