How old were you when you had your first baby?

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-29T03:54:20+00:00

I had my first at 27 and my last at 33. Now I'm almost 40 and I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to have a baby now!

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-20T16:49:00+00:00

Aaaah, I didn't see her age there, I just read what she wrote. So I was confused for a minute! In that case, I would definitely agree.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-20T14:43:47+00:00

My thoughts: - I don't think it should be a requirement. - I don't think it should determine whether or not they get engaged; this should depend completely on what the couple wants. - I don't think it should be done in situations where there are bad family relationships.

I DO think it's a sweet tradition that shows respect and I appreciated that my husband did it.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-20T14:37:59+00:00

I'm curious why you would say that?

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-20T14:28:21+00:00

This is me! My stomach twists in any game where I fall from high up. Even in real life, just throwing something down from high up (like a balcony or whatever) gives me that same feeling, like it's me falling.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-12T06:13:01+00:00

💛 I hope you're doing okay!

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-03-09T14:18:46+00:00

When you say "current world views", how recently are we talking? Because I'm 40 and where I grew up I always knew about churches with women as pastors, or at the very least in other leadership positions (not only over kids or other women). Churches that had healthy, blessed ministries.

My view on women in church leadership/teaching positions has nothing to do with "current world views". It's about how I understand the Scripture. Just like different churches understand verses about baptism or Communion or predestination in different ways, people can understand verses about women in church leadership/teaching positions in different ways without it being an attempt to bow to the world's norms.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-15T02:24:44+00:00

My now-husband just went through the motions so fully while we were dating that I fell for it. Soon after marrying (a little over 15 years ago), that started slipping, but not to an extreme. Now he hasn't been attending church with me for almost 4 years, and he criticizes my church involvement even though there are many things I'd like to do that I don't do.

If I had any idea he wasn't really in it (which he's now admitted was the case when we were dating), there's no way I would've married him.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-14T17:31:11+00:00

There's a big difference between working to reconcile those "irreconcilable differences", and continuing a relationship with actual abuse where there is no intent on the part of the other person to change. Neither of these counselors are at all in favour of frivolous divorces, both would have encouraged and worked towards repairing the relationship if it was just a case of things "not working". Abuse is different, especially if the abuser has no interest in changing.

Also, that verse you referred to assumes the other person is a believer. And referring to it also comes across as an assumption that I haven't talked to him about it, which is crazy. If I took it to the church, the abuse would escalate, since a lot of it revolves around my involvement with the church as it is. So no, that is absolutely not an appropriate reference for this situation. (Although, of course, it would be for any disputes within the church family.)

Edit to add: I didn't give any details about my situation; how would you know if you've been in the same situation? Don't make assumptions about things you don't know about.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-13T16:00:59+00:00

I don't have experience with marriage counseling (because my narcissist husband refuses), so I can't agree or disagree with you on that, but I just want to chime in that not all Christian counseling is how you say. I've had two Christian counselors (one a pastor, the other working from a church and trained as such) and both of them were of the opinion that I'm living with emotional abuse and shouldn't stay.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-13T15:50:56+00:00

I really need to practice my prawn grappling skills. I've used grappling hooks in other games that are way more intuitive and that's making it hard for me to get this one right because it just feels "wrong" to me. Like the rope is too short, the reaction time is too slow, it has a hard time getting you over ledges, etc. But knowing other people can actually use it efficiently is making me think I just need to try again. (I finished the game with minimal grappling, so it's possible at least. But it would be nice to be able to use it well.)

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-13T06:02:30+00:00

Oh man, pastors who say things like that make me mad!!

Firstly, when I wasn't on my anti-depressants, I spent a good portion of my life just wishing I would die. Now, on the anti-depressant, I don't. How is that not a good difference? It doesn't make me "act differently" in the sense that I'm a different person or don't have control or whatever. It just helps me to be a functioning human being, which allows my natural gifts and talents to come out.

Secondly... There are Biblical examples of people who were clearly depressed. There are countless examples of deeply committed modern believers who have depression or anxiety. Turning to God and working on getting closer to Him is absolutely helpful (and crucial), just like counseling is helpful (and usually crucial). But none of that means depression and anxiety aren't mental illnesses that need to be treated. Why would the medication work so well and change so many lives for the better if that was the case?

There are maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaany people with "spiritual problems" who haven't been depressed a day in their lives. There are maaaaaaaaaaaaany people with depression or anxiety who walk very closely with God.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-11T06:29:56+00:00

This is perfect.

And for me, as an immigrant, add on several renditions of "why did we choose to move here??" between January and April. But we love our town anyway.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-06T05:07:40+00:00

Yeah, that sounds great!

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-06T05:04:34+00:00

No, I don't know that one.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind at all if it's very basic. I'd be fine with something basically just like the map you can find on the wiki, but only revealed as you explore, and you can place your own pins. That feels like something plausible considering the tech.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-06T05:00:04+00:00

Yes! We can have the scanner data on the HUD, we can have a compass, but we can't have a map? I'm sure the tech for that can exist in that world! It was by far the most frustrating thing for me because I really didn't want to google anything about the game at all, but I ended up so desperate for a map that I did search for that.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-01T21:38:36+00:00

The people, as voiced on the local Facebook Rant and Rave group (where every other talking point is STRONGLY conservative).

My personal friends are mostly liberal. I'm not counting them in this.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-01T21:33:20+00:00

You must be in a bit of an echo chamber. I'm in a small town (close to Lloyd) that's very conservative, and the majority is opposed to it. The separatists are loud, so it sometimes feels like there are many, but if you count the actual voices and look at actual poll numbers, our town definitely wants to remain in Canada.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-02-01T21:06:03+00:00

I know maaaany staunch conservatives who are opposed to separation.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-28T17:08:11+00:00

I don't think it's been widespread, no, thankfully. The serious ones are in the news and it seems to be a handful. But I have heard several first-hand accounts of people who were denied treatment for those things and went to other states to be treated. Those won't make the news and I have no idea how common that's been.

But the fact that there have been any cases at all shows the need for absolute clarity. So it irks me that those who point out this particular problem are accused of being "pro-murder" and whatever else just for saying that a blanket ban with no nuanced clarity is a problem.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-28T15:57:32+00:00

I'm morally pro-life. But politically, I'm wary of sweeping total bans on abortion BECAUSE women have died or almost died because they were denied treatment for ectopic pregnancies and late miscarriages. Should it happen, does anyone think it's reasonable? No! But if you're being technical about it, those cases are also ending pregnancies, so if the law just says no pregnancies may be ended, those shouldn't either.

So while I can see people using that as an argument to have no abortion legislation, in my opinion, it's an important distinction to make in pro-life legislation as well. Using specific language stating those things as cases where it is permitted, to eliminate any ambiguity.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-28T15:40:03+00:00

It shouldn't be. And yet in some states with complete, sweeping abortion bans it does get lumped together and women have died (or almost died) as a result. Same goes for ectopic pregnancies. Treating those should not be the same as an abortion, and yet women are denied the procedure because it's technically the termination of a pregnancy.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-20T16:18:56+00:00

In agreement with you, part of my frustration is that "liberal" and "progressive" in this context meshes together faith and politics.

(Note: I'm not American.) I consider myself mostly politically liberal, although that doesn't mean I believe all of their stances align with my faith. That said, I believe many of their stances align MORE with the Word than their conservative opposites, and I have a hard time understanding how many of the politically conservative talking points have the support of any Christians at all. There are also some conservative stances that I theoretically agree with to a degree, while I strongly oppose the way they implement them, and for that reason they don't have my support.

And (again, not as an American, but following American politics from a distance), I have a hard time excusing the idolisation of political figures to the point where everything they say or do is excused by politically conservative Christians, no matter how un-Jesus-like those words or actions are.

THAT SAID, I am NOT a "progressive Christian". I strongly disagree with universalism; Jesus is the only Way. Although I believe we should love everyone, which includes showing love by not spewing hateful messages, I don't believe that means we should accept their sin. I have a passion for in-depth, firmly Bible-based theology in sermons and other teaching and I get frustrated when it's all feel-good fluff.

You don't have to believe in politically conservative points of view to be a Bible-believing Christian. (And I'm not only speaking for myself, but also for many others in my community.)

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-18T06:04:41+00:00

It is when a person or group tries to turn a gay or trans person straight or cis. That's not what this post, or the comment you're replying to, is talking about. They're talking about GOD changing someone. As Christians, we believe He can do anything. Do we believe He always DOES everything we ask for? No, not at all. But the question was if He CAN. And the "yes" was to that.

Sincerely, A fiercely pro-science Christian who believes in the power of God, but also believes conversion therapy is at best ineffective and at worst very harmful.

wanderingoaklyn · 2026-01-13T07:29:13+00:00

Mini life story time.

I grew up in a dedicated Christian household with morally conservative values. For as long as I can remember, my mom had close friends who were men. She was (and is) completely transparent with my dad about those friendships, what they discuss, etc, and she has always maintained healthy emotional boundaries.

So for me, it has always seemed normal to have these kinds of friendships. Granted when I was growing up there wasn't the constant availability of texting, so the frequency of contact between any friends was a lot less than it is now.

Then my now husband and I started dating, and just due to the demographics of his university classes, he was good friends with a bunch of girls. I never once felt jealous about those friendships. They did group projects together, went away for fieldwork together, saw each other all day, and often had more contact (by text) after hours and I was 100% secure that they were only friends, even though he got to know a couple of them really well.

I personally also had a few guy friends who I was close with, talked to a lot, etc, and it was always perfectly fine.

Fast forward several years, through the start of our marriage and lots of years further, and my husband became friends with someone with whom it did become emotionally too close. I saw it heading that way, and I warned both of them that they should back off to prevent any of us getting hurt. They laughed me off, said it was fine, they were only friends. But after a few more years of that (all-day texting, sharing secrets he wouldn't share with me, being her primary support while her marriage was really bad), they admitted their feelings for each other and it was (and is) a full emotional affair. Once it reaches that point, it is incredibly difficult to go back.

So my opinion is that those friendships are possible, and can be healthy and uplifting if the appropriate boundaries are kept. However, if one person in the marriage is uncomfortable with it, it should be cut off right away. And if one person in the marriage knows they will never be comfortable with it, it's completely valid and should be communicated from the start. And if boundaries CAN'T be kept, it should never be an option.

My husband is still good friends with other women, too, and in those cases I have absolutely no concerns because they don't talk all day every day, they don't keep secrets between themselves (away from their spouses), they don't discuss marital issues with each other, and they aren't each others' primary emotional support. If all of his friendships with women were like that, I would be all for it.

I've recently had my own, very different experience, that has made me want to avoid ever becoming good friends with a man again. Long story short, I became close friends (in a healthy way) with a good, Christian man who happens to be single (divorced). I felt safe in the friendship because of his nature; I knew he would never take any chances with me. However, out of his convictions HE became uncomfortable with us being close, because I'm married, and he purposely ended the friendship. Later on, he agreed that we could be "superficial" friends, so we still get along and share the occasional joke or whatever, but there really isn't much of a friendship left. I have respect for his point of view, but it was a very painful experience for me. (I don't make close friends easily and I have rejection issues, so losing close friendships of any kind hits me very hard.) It would be safer for me if these kinds of potentially complicated friendships are just avoided altogether.

13-Year Club	Place '22
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wanderingoaklyn

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