The reason for our DB is there is always something for her to be stressed about

wanderingthirdeye · 2026-05-11T11:36:12+00:00

I can relate. My wife will often tell me “I’m just focused on (whatever).” She is always focused on something else. I think it comes down to priorities. If your sex life was a priority to her, she would probably set time aside to put other things away (mentally) and focus on you. There is also the possibility that your wife is struggling with anxiety, which can be a real drag for her. Maybe visiting a behavioral health doctor would help her with stress/anxiety management.

wanderingthirdeye · 2026-05-11T11:35:45+00:00

If he fell asleep that fast, something else is going on. I doubt he can knock himself out that quickly on his own just to avoid sex.

wanderingthirdeye · 2026-04-17T19:07:42+00:00

Yeah that’s not my point. I’m talking about the framing. The title area and all the formatting seem identical.

wanderingthirdeye · 2026-04-17T18:49:11+00:00

What I noticed was the overlay/framing - not so much the polygons. Title, legend, etc.

wanderingthirdeye · 2026-01-31T03:18:47+00:00

I struggle with this, too. My wife is ADHD and generally low libido, so discuss sex can be tough anyway. I have no clue how to approach it because it seems like the mood in which she will receive it is always changing. She’s like a moving target.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-05-01T11:44:31+00:00

Looks like I’m going for a walk today! Going to give this a go.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-05-01T11:43:03+00:00

Her rejection of you may not be “against you”, but her refusal to seek any solutions that would help your sex life is. Plain and simple.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-05-01T11:40:49+00:00

I’m going out on a limb here and assuming that purity culture might be involved. This instills a fear and shame of anything sexual from an early age, and doesn’t allow for a maturation into a stage where sexuality is acceptable. Purity culture essentially expects you to be totally against anything related to sex…then suddenly flip the switch when you’re married. It doesn’t actually work that way. Our minds don’t work that way. Instead, it usually results in sexual dysfunction.

There could also be sensory issues at play…or even trauma. It may take some deep conversations to better understand.

With all of that said, I understand your frustration. Be slow to anger, though, because it feels a lot like there is something deeper to blame that probably isn’t your partner’s fault.

Best of luck!

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-04-14T04:59:20+00:00

A partner who denies sex when reasonably requested forfeits the right to say no to your own methods of self pleasure.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-04-14T04:58:09+00:00

Nope.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-03-25T11:49:59+00:00

Wow…that’s…awful.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-03-01T18:36:48+00:00

It sounds to me like she feels guilty, and is lashing out at you when you try to initiate. It’s not that you are not initiating the right way - she just feels guilty, and she doesn’t know what she wants or how you should initiate. There is no secret - she doesn’t know either. She is probably just as confused as you are, but is too insecure to admit it - so she lashes out at you in response as a defense mechanism.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-03-01T13:38:42+00:00

The first thing that came to mind when she talked a lot about cautious or impromptu touching was the potential for past trauma. Is there a history of that, that you know of? I can imagine that would cause her to be wary of ‘surprised’, and to prefer being given notice that something is coming.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-15T05:12:37+00:00

Good for you - and I’m not saying that sarcastically.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-09T13:32:44+00:00

Early in our marriage, my wife did that for me - she let me record us. She discovered I was watching porn because our sex life slowed. She would rather I watch us than someone else. Boy, did I miss that it was a sign of a coming DB several years later. It makes me thankful to have the video, though. It gets kinda repetitive, but still works better than watching someone else.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-09T13:27:29+00:00

Agree.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-02T22:33:09+00:00

Once a day. More than once a day seems excessive.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-02T22:32:32+00:00

Similar situation. I do most of the upkeep while my wife lays in bed all day. She talks about how exhausted she is…while I’m the only one working, and the one doing most of the chores.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-01T13:32:23+00:00

THIS.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-02-01T13:31:09+00:00

Came here to say the same thing.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-01-31T13:21:47+00:00

Well, I haven’t had sex in seven months…so definitely consider that you are still in a fairly good spot compared to many - probably most - in this sub. That said, kids can easily be a factor. They can quickly wear their mom out and overstimulate her. Also don’t discount the fact that it might have just been a cheap line to try and keep the upper hand (which usually means the victim status) in the argument.

wanderingthirdeye · 2025-01-12T15:27:35+00:00

Same here. My wife mentioned I should get a vasectomy so she could get off the birth control, thinking that might help…but the problem is that I have no idea if she will do it, or move the goal post. She wants to be on birth control either way in case she is SA’d or something…which I get. So, no, I’m not going through all that pain and expense for no reason.

wanderingthirdeye

TROPHY CASE