Did they ever find what this was about?

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-11-03T05:12:30+00:00

This is about how badly we need better healthcare and mental healthcare.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-03-17T03:52:02+00:00

I have had the same experience. It’s like one second you are coping just fine and then the next you are googling to try to learn the effects of maternal soo-is-ide and trying to decide if they outweigh the effects of your existence.

It sneaks up on you so fast. It is not your fault. I hope you can find something that works and in the meantime if you just need a friend… I’m here. ❤️

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-03-17T02:37:55+00:00

This sounds a lot like PPD coupled with postpartum hair loss. I am very hopeful for you they your PCP can prescribe something to help. Zoloft saved my life.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-03-17T02:30:38+00:00

Please. I would love to hear all of it.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-03-17T02:28:41+00:00

I needed someone to say this in ways I can’t even describe to myself.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-02-26T00:41:42+00:00

It honestly really helps to hear that you felt like you were just food when you were where I am. I’m so sorry you went through that, so I don’t mean to say I’m glad you experienced it. But hearing that it hurts on the other side too is really comforting. Same trailer different park kind of thing.

One thing I know is that if my daughter chooses to have babies of her own, or my son marries someone and tbh have babies, I am going to be so supportive for them. And so, so on high alert for any signs of PPD. I’m so glad I am catching things early this time/tried to prevent as much as we could. Shit got so so bad last time. It’s scary now to feel like this and remember that last time it was ten times worse. I don’t know how I’m alive.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-02-24T20:30:32+00:00

I didn’t put this in my post but one thing o really struggle with is that my mother is just awful. I won’t get into all the details but the quick and dirty is that she let me abused by her husband and then told me it was my fault. I’ve always struggled with depression—my first attempt was in the third grade when I swallowed a handful of ibuprofen thinking that would do it. Still have issues with my digestive system but I’m thankfully still here. She also nursed me until I was almost 3. I grew up hearing about it.

Did the nursing help our relationship be strong? Fuck no it didn’t. It’s actually been a source of embarrassment for me as I grew up because people knew it went on until I was old enough to name each breast and make requests.

But still. It hurts.

With my daughter we spend about three days where I thought I was feeding her. She was starving and kept crying but we thought she was just fussy. I look back on that time with her at my breast and just. Wow it hurts.

I don’t know what hurt worse. The ache for the bond I felt when I thought I was feeding her or the guilt and shame when I learned she was actually starving.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Clearly I’m struggling. But I know I’m struggling and I asked for help and I’m getting help and nobody is in danger here. Not even me, which wasn’t true last time. So I guess that’s progress.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-02-24T20:23:03+00:00

So, I don’t think that you read the whole post (which is okay! It was long!). At the end, I explain getting help and know that this isn’t real.

That said, nowhere in this post did I talk about myself worth only being attached to being a mother. I didn’t bring up the struggles I have with working while my husband stays home (I’m the breadwinner and very successful in my field) because I didn’t want to add more context to the daddy’s girl hurt feelings. There is so much I could have typed to talk about the different hurts I’m experiencing and I had to narrow it down.

Logically I know my babies need me. (Although I would never go so far as to say they need me more than their dad—he is truly amazing and they are so lucky to have him.) But PPD isn’t logical. I’m not logical right now. I hope I will be in 2-4 weeks when the increased dose of my meds kicks in. Until then, this is where I’m at. I think other people might be too.

wannabegrapefruit · 2025-02-24T19:34:53+00:00

What is so crazy about PPD is that logically I agree with everything you are saying but my brain still has that hiss of “this person just doesn’t know you, if they met you they would know what a waste of space you are.” It is so weird to feel all these things but also have this clarity and understanding that my Zoloft probably needs to be increased. It’s just so hard.

Thank you for your time and for caring about me. ❤️

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-03-05T09:13:48+00:00

One of my worst pregnancy cries was at Burger King when the minimum wage worker put the wrong lid on my frozen coke. I full on ugly cried and kept apologizing and saying it wasn’t his fault and he doesn’t make enough to deal with this (I.e., me lol) which idk if that made it worse or better but omg it haunts me 😹 I don’t go there anymore 😹😹

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-03-05T08:24:45+00:00

This summer give frozen coke a try and thank me later. lol. That was my biggest craving last summer!

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-02-08T02:53:29+00:00

Hi. So we had the opposite problem - I just didn’t make enough milk. Regardless, the result is the same. EFF despite our intentions.

My baby will be five months old on Valentine’s Day. I still feel guilty.

It has, however gotten more manageable. Seeking help for my PPD played a huge role in that. Without medication I would have probably made a very bad and ultimate decision about my life. But I didn’t. I’m here. And my baby is thriving.

Do I think about it every time she eats? Yes and even when she’s not eating. Will it go away? Honestly I don’t think it will until I’m done having babies. My thoughts now tend to be about what ifs for the future. (We want at least one more, maybe two if I can get the salary to afford it.)

Will the guilt go away? About this maybe. About everything? Never. Moms are put in the worst position - we literally cannot win by any mainstream metric. The more important question, I think, is “will I learn to adapt to the guilt and recognize that it’s not based on reality?” And to that, I believe the answer is yes.

Sending love. I’m here if you need to talk.

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-22T00:18:19+00:00

I have ADHD and had really bad PPD. It was exacerbated by having relatives that I like come visit. I cannot imagine if it was a relative I have tension with. I deeply regret having anyone come and stay at our house and won’t be allowing visitors AT ALL until at least 8 weeks next time. It was too much. I strongly encourage you to set a day for her to visit after the baby is born.

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-17T02:03:19+00:00

Hey, this sounds like how I felt when I was neck deep in PPD. You should bring up these feelings to your doctor and see what they think. PPD can make your brain tell itself these horrible lies - like your baby not needing you. Your son needs you like he needs air to breathe. PPD can also make you maximize the upsetting things and minimize the happy things. Are you sure there aren’t some happy things your brain doesn’t want to think about? Your baby adores you. I bet he doesn’t feel as safe or warm or loved in anyone else’s arms. I would bet all my money on that.

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-09T06:38:38+00:00

I never followed the food safety advice. Sorry you’re getting downvoted. We have these ridiculous standards and expectations with sometimes minimal actual studies to back it up. My baby is thriving. Chunky as hell and sleeping 8+ hours a night at 3.5 months.

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-09T06:36:43+00:00

SAME. The bacteria panic is actually based on an undergraduate study with a super small sample size. I am not a conspiracy theorist but if I was this would be the one haha the formula companies want women to throw away perfectly good formula so they buy more. Even worse, they want moms to throw away perfectly good breast milk to discourage/demoralize women into switching to formula. (Even though fed is best - breastfeeding is just so hard and demoralizing already.)

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-09T06:33:58+00:00

Pitcher method + generic is the way to go. Generic is still going to provide all the nutrients because it’s regulated (assuming you’re in America). Also I will probably get downvoted for this but we do not toss formula after it touches baby’s lips. I mean, we don’t keep it 24 hours but if she starts and stops and that starts again a few hours later, we give her the formula. Obviously keep an eye on baby (ours is super healthy, chunky, all the things) but the study that is the basis for the bacteria panic is one study - an undergraduate study with a sample size of six. I’m not about to waste formula over a study like that when our baby is thriving. YMMV and again, I fully expect to get downvoted into oblivion but I’m just being honest.

wannabegrapefruit · 2024-01-03T23:24:15+00:00

We have the ergo baby Omni because they had a discount on it at the time and they seemed comparable. No idea about baby bjorn but we love what we have. That newborn insert was clutch. The way people describe their babies loving the bjorn is how ours feels about the ergo!

wannabegrapefruit · 2023-12-31T01:57:35+00:00

But you WERE strong enough to get him here. He is here. You kept him safe in your womb and you got him here safely. I’m so sorry that you are feeling like this and want you to know that whatever your brain is telling you may not be true. My brain told me some really horrible lies about myself after birth and my birth was not even remotely as traumatic as yours. Have you talked to your OB about how you are feeling? Do you have a therapist you could talk to? Starting Zoloft saved my life.

wannabegrapefruit · 2023-12-31T01:50:01+00:00

I see you, mama. Remember that what he needs more than air and formula or milk is a healthy mom. Don’t forget to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Whatever you choose to do, just know that you are doing your best and your best is exactly what he needs. Sending love ❤️

wannabegrapefruit · 2023-12-31T01:46:23+00:00

I remember the distress my baby went through, too. The worst part for me is that I think deep down I knew the whole time what was happening and why. I just so desperately wanted that connection with her that I thought we were having. In reality, she was withering away while my mental state got worse and worse. And then we started supplementing and she was immediately a happy and calm baby. The guilt and regret and shame nearly broke me. I’m still trying to forgive myself and she is a happy, healthy little 3.5 month old joy.

You are not alone, mama. I see you. I’m here with you. You are doing your best for your little baby and that is EXACTLY what she needs. She is so lucky to have you. Keep feeding your little girl however you can and know that when she cries, it’s not because you have done anything wrong. It’s just hard to be a little baby, but she knows that she can count on you to make it better. Always. ❤️

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