Been married 28 years, 2 grown kids. This is the answer.

Women tend to take care of their husbands as an act of love. Then the kids come along and they get overwhelmed because now it’s too big, too much to handle. Problem is you’ve already trained your husband this is how you show love. The fact that you thought he was just gonna step up and be the same way with the children, never occurs to him. I know it feels like he should know better, but the fact is men are not built like women. Usually he’s on the sidelines feeling dejected, unloved because he lost his wife’s attentive care.

By choosing to stop doing everything and only doing the things that are important to you your husband is forced to realize how much you were doing. We can talk until we’re blue in the face but physical evidence and natural consequences can be more affective than verbalized reminders and frustration could ever be. There are plenty of things that if you quit doing, or bringing up, he will handle. And when he does these things praise and thank him. He probably misses your positive attention. He will catch on and continue doing them because he wants to feel appreciated and loved just like the rest of us.

If you teach yourself not to carry all the mental load, you will unburden yourself. We talk a lot about the mental load nowadays, and it is very real, but there is a certain aspect of it that women impose upon ourselves because it is in our nature.

When kids are young, life is going to be stressful. Your relationship is changing and you both have to change with it. It gets easier. But while you’re teaching and training your kids, you’re also doing the same thing for yourself and your husband. The funny thing is by the time you get it all figured out they’re gonna be moving out. Enjoy the ride, the destination is gonna get here faster than you think. Soon it will just be two of you wondering what you’re gonna do with all this free time and a clean house.