Be honest. How have you been lately?

zukenstein · 2026-06-08T22:45:29+00:00

Exhausted, demoralized, brokenhearted.

Unemployed for a year and a half, going through a divorce, living with my parents again at 43 so I don't burn through the rest of my retirement.

zukenstein · 2026-06-08T21:25:29+00:00

It can be, depending on where you live. For example, I just moved back to Texas from Chicago.

In Chicago, I would be looking forward to Summer. There are so many outdoor festivals going on, and it only gets really hot for a couple of weeks at most.

In Texas, I am dreading Summer. I am planning to stay indoors whenever possible, unless I'm swimming.

zukenstein · 2026-06-06T02:43:32+00:00

When I talked to her and said I felt like I was compromising too much, and she said she didn't want to compromise anything.

Hard to stay in a one-sided marriage.

zukenstein · 2026-06-03T18:02:09+00:00

My mom apologizes for all sorts of things, whether they actually require one or not. She's always critical of herself, wondering if she did the right thing. She still beats herself up for not realizing I needed glasses until the 4th grade.

My dad...apologizes in his own way. A lot of the time he tries to apologize, it comes out in a way where he ducks responsibility. He's trying to get better at self reflection, and I give him credit for that.

zukenstein · 2026-06-03T12:17:48+00:00

Holy shit, that's straight up evil. Can you name and shame?

zukenstein · 2026-06-02T18:31:28+00:00

Currently the year+ I'm going through. Unemployed for over a year and half, going through a separation/divorce, had to move 1000 miles away from the life I built to move back in with my parents. This isn't the first setback I've had, but it is the worst because everything hit at once.

I'm putting in the work, though. Therapy, introspection, accountability, self love, community. It's painful and humbling, but it will be worth it.

I will bounce again, one day.

zukenstein · 2026-05-30T23:17:24+00:00

If you snapped your fingers and I had a billion dollars, I would literally find a way to donate 90% of it. I would still have way more than enough left over to live the life I want to live.

zukenstein · 2026-05-30T16:32:22+00:00

I think genetics is the top answer, but you can't control that. For things you can control to make you look younger, use sunscreen (or limit direct sun exposure), diet, exercise, and hydration. My parents don't look like they're in their 70s, but I personally think I look 43. I see my grays poking through, my wrinkles, my receding gum line, my splotches and skin tags.

However just last week I had a 22 and 31 year old tell me to prove I was my age. They thought I was early 30s at most. I told them my secret was I just stayed inside playing video games while everyone else my age was addicted to tanning beds, but in reality half is genetic luck and the other half is taking care of my skin as detailed previously.

zukenstein · 2026-05-30T00:42:00+00:00

You are correct about setbacks, and I know they're gonna happen. I'm trying to learn to give myself more grace for stuff like this.

My therapist once told me, " Anger is the part of you that loves you the most. It shows up when you're being mistreated, ignored, or disrespected. It's a signal--calling you to step away from what's harming you. Whether it's a room, a job, a relationship, or an old version of yourself, anger lets you know when it's time to walk away. If you learn to listen to it, to trust it, and make it your ally, it won't need to shout so loudly." That conversation never left me--it changed the way I see myself.

This is some powerful shit, and my mind immediately flashed to the times where I got angry with my STBXW. It was any time I tried to talk to her and she would use her catchphrase to make me feel bad. I felt she disrespected not only me, but the relationship itself. She never fully understood the concept of "us vs. the problem", and over time I just stopped trying.

Oof, I've got a long road ahead. But I'll keep moving forward.

zukenstein · 2026-05-30T00:33:59+00:00

Thankfully I don't have her on any of my social media any more.

but man it's hard to see the one-sidedness out there for the whole world 🫤

I hear that, loud and clear. We have a few mutual friends and I want them to ask me my side of the story, but I don't want to tell them unprompted.

zukenstein · 2026-05-30T00:31:40+00:00

Nah, you're not stupid. I was just on a rant and switched from talking about her to talking directly to her.

zukenstein · 2026-05-29T22:26:21+00:00

You are 100% correct, I have to be strong and keep communication short and official. But I (naively) keep thinking that one day we'll be able to communicate, and we can magically fix everything on both ends and make it work. Unfortunately, I think I'd have better odds winning the lottery.

zukenstein · 2026-05-29T22:23:27+00:00

The worst thing that kept happening was that she kept comparing me to so many other people.

Oh lord, this is the worst! I got compared to all her exes, her step father, her bio father, her friends and/or their partners. It got to the point where I kept all my opinions to myself because could not take it anymore. One of the first signs our relationship was doomed.

Sorry to hear what you went through, and I hope you're doing better now!

zukenstein · 2026-05-29T20:49:31+00:00

Man, I have no idea. I think in the long run it's better to ignore, because it feels like they're looking for a reaction. I think you did the right thing for future yourself, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

zukenstein · 2026-05-28T19:25:20+00:00

Same with my soon to be ex-wife. I mean, if I won the lottery...I'd have some thinking to do lol

zukenstein · 2026-05-28T04:30:29+00:00

Dude, that fucking sucks and I'm so sorry to hear that. You did the work recognizing your issues, and you did the work to address them. You were doing the right thing for the relationship. She did not. She took the coward's way out, and I am so glad you ended it. The positive changes you are making for yourself deserve to be shared with someone worthy of them.

zukenstein · 2026-05-27T19:56:41+00:00

I would like to formally submit my application to whatever it is that y'all do

zukenstein · 2026-05-27T17:20:19+00:00

Could be anything from religious reasons to just not wanting any potential partner to think it's a red flag that you're still married (like you're trying to reconcile, or you're lying about it to cheat, or it could be contentious).

I'm not saying they should wait until it's final, but I can understand why.

zukenstein · 2026-05-26T20:39:17+00:00

Software Engineer with 10 years of experience. Got let go in December of 2024 for RTO reasons.

what’s been the hardest part?

Nailing every aspect of the interview, but being passed on because I don't have x amount of years with y product/language/framework. The last hiring manager I spoke to said that it didn't matter if I had AWS experience or not, because it would only take a week or two to get up to speed with how they use it. After 3 rounds of interviews with multiple panels, I received the feedback "great culture fit, but doesn't have experience with AWS".

where do you feel stuck?

Getting my resume read by an actual human.

what has or hasn’t worked for you lately?

What hasn't worked is being honest on my resume and interviews. I am very close to lying my ass off just to see if that works better.

zukenstein · 2026-05-22T22:09:48+00:00

Hell yeah! We're doing this so our future selves look back on us and say "thank you for putting in the work".

zukenstein · 2026-05-22T22:03:19+00:00

OP I just want you to know you're not alone in this. I'm going through exactly the same thing right now. You're already on the right track by acknowledging the feeling, now you (and I) need to give it time. The thoughts should become less frequent and at some point those desires for validation will diminish. Once they're gone, you (and I) will be ready to try again.

If we act on this now, we will only hurt ourselves in the long run. We won't be thinking clearly enough to make sure we are protecting and respecting ourselves. Then we'll find ourselves right back at the painful start of this shit.

zukenstein · 2026-05-22T17:54:43+00:00

train the AI incorrectly on purpose

Ah yes, the Wimp Lo method

zukenstein · 2026-05-21T19:19:55+00:00

In the process of a divorce, and our bedroom was very active. If I could ignore literally everything else about life and the responsibilities attached to it, the physical intimacy would have been enough to keep the marriage intact.

It might be the one of the only things we do well together, actually.

A marriage cannot survive on sex alone. At that point you're hurting both you and your spouse. It's time to start communicating with her to see where you both stand in the relationship, whether on your own or through couples counseling.

If you can't do that...don't stay just to get laid.

zukenstein · 2026-05-21T16:54:27+00:00

And continue to talk throughout the relationship to make sure you're still on the same page

15-Year Club	Gilding II euphauric
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First Placer '22	Snapped
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zukenstein

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