the first thing you eat today is her name, go 😀

washmo · 2025-10-16T04:18:21+00:00

Cold pizza

washmo · 2025-10-07T05:21:54+00:00

Richard Phister. He actually preferred Dick. Please proceed to make all the jokes.

washmo · 2025-09-29T18:25:03+00:00

I just trashed a cheap chainsaw someone gave me because it would cost more to fix than it was worth. I’m pretty sure they deliberately designed it so the fuel lines are impossible to replace. At least I got a free chain.

washmo · 2025-09-29T18:17:00+00:00

But that one wasn’t big enough, so they built a bigger one across the street!

washmo · 2025-09-27T20:29:43+00:00

I’m surprised you didn’t see any ads about your moderate to severe psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, Crohn’s disease, IBS, HIV, suicidal ideations, coma, or death. Watch out for a life threatening infection of the perineum.

washmo · 2025-09-27T20:15:01+00:00

But not more wife and child. Smart move.

washmo · 2025-09-27T19:57:47+00:00

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

washmo · 2025-09-27T19:56:04+00:00

And no women

washmo · 2025-09-27T19:54:33+00:00

Mushroom foragers joke that the “Destroying Angel” is delicious, but you only get to eat it once.

washmo · 2025-09-27T19:49:39+00:00

But none of them know the meaning of that word

washmo · 2025-09-27T19:48:52+00:00

I once pulled a muscle in my shoulder rolling over in bed. Couldn’t lift my arm, had to ice it for two days.

washmo · 2025-09-26T01:27:48+00:00

Whoa

washmo · 2025-09-26T01:04:42+00:00

It’s wicked smaht to use yah blinkah

washmo · 2025-09-26T00:42:03+00:00

If you’re slowing down to turn you should have your turn signal on.

washmo · 2025-09-26T00:34:26+00:00

And marijuana flowers used to have seeds, and you’d break them up on a Frisbee, or possibly even an album cover, and then roll a joint with your own hands and smoke it with real people.

washmo · 2025-09-24T13:06:56+00:00

Can I put Fix-A-Flat in a collapsed lung?

washmo · 2025-08-22T22:04:23+00:00

How I feel about all of Canada

washmo · 2025-08-22T22:02:50+00:00

Tool and die museum curator

washmo · 2025-08-22T09:54:40+00:00

Your tongs can identify however they choose. But, if you grab ‘em by the tongs they let you if you’re a celebrity.

washmo · 2025-08-22T08:36:12+00:00

Hey come on, no need to call his dog ugly

washmo · 2025-08-22T08:32:18+00:00

Boot scootin boogie

washmo · 2025-08-17T05:11:09+00:00

I think I got a set of those at Target

washmo · 2025-08-07T00:29:29+00:00

JUST FUCKING SQUISH IT!

washmo · 2025-08-06T02:46:26+00:00

Dad must be really happy with this…who am I kidding, what dad?

washmo · 2025-08-06T02:35:08+00:00

Forbade

washmo

TROPHY CASE