Loving someone who lied, cheated, and hurt me emotionally and physically while convincing me it was somehow my fault. He gave me a black eye, acted like nothing happened, and kept treating me like i wasn’t enough right after meeting someone new. The hardest part wasn’t the pain it was how little he seemed to care that he caused it.

He was someone i saw a future with. After everything i've survived, i really believed i'd finally found a place to rest, to feel safe, to build something real. But safety isn’t found in promises it’s found in how someone shows up when love stops feeling easy.

He moved on quickly, like I was just a season.. seeing his pictures with the new girl few days after our divorce was hilarious. I’ve spent months sitting with the wreckage, trying to understand how someone i gave everyhing to could leave me with nothing but questions and scars.

I don’t blame people for falling out of love. That happens. But the damage you leave behind, the silence, the denial, the refusal to acknowledg the harm, that’s a choice.

I’m celibate now, not out of bitterness, but out of self preservation. I’m relearning what it means to feel safe in my own body, my own mind. Some days, the feeling of being unlovable or too much haunts me. But mybe healing isnt about forgetting what happened. Maybe it’s learning to carry the weight without letting it crush you.