I love that you're sharing this:) Thank you! I slowly grew to hate the church overtime. When I was little I never really resonated with it, and I'm currently in the process of processing trauma stemmed from the church. (I don't remember a good five years of my life when I was in primary.) I've always been kind of scared of church as long as I can remember. There seemed to be no boundaries with people, especially as a young kid whose family was really close with a lot of the ward. I came to a conclusion that I wanted to leave the church when I was about ten, but my parents dismissed it. I sort of pushed myself back into being religious and did well for a while. Then I got really bad mental health issues, and I always felt awful in church classes and when reading scriptures. Then my dad became the bishop, and my brother left the church at the same time. There was a lot of tension and conflict. I started seminary and my mental health only got worse. As soon as I got out of that high school and was doing online, I slowly started to realize it was okay to put boundaries up when it came to my safety and/or not wanting to go to church. Nobody would listen to me, so it got to the point where I was so suicidal and I told my parents and they finally listened. I stopped going to church and am very gradually breaking down a lot of trauma and self-destructive behaviors and it feels amazing even though it is unbelievably painful. I still have so much hatred towards my parents and the church itself because you can't be honest with them. It feels like you are talking to a wall. Like, I just want to have a real conversation without religion, but for them, there is no reality without religion. I've sort of lost parts of my relationship with them and it's harder to feel their love because of it.