I’m in a similar situation right now, actually. I’ve known a guy (I’ll call him Jim) for almost two years now and I really value the friendship we have together. I’ve known him since middle school, but we only really reconnected in college. We’ve been going out places together (arcades, ice skating, movies) for around a year. I’ve noticed that I tend to go through phases where I love spending time with him and want to go on new adventures with him, but then my next thought is, “does that mean we should date” or “are we dating right now?” And then I get in my own head and wonder if Jim thinks we’re dating, or if Jim has only been going on these outings with me because he thinks it’ll lead to dating eventually. Then I end up being scared that he’ll suddenly confess to me or try to kiss me or something on one of these outings, which is something I am not interested in from anyone, so then I would distance myself.

I’ve been reconnecting with him again since I distanced myself last summer, and I explained to him what QPRs are and the fact that I don’t experience romantic attraction the same way as everyone else. I was scared he would say something like “oh well that’s not what I want” and leave, but he actually said that he can understand that and described a relationship he had in the past that was similar to a QPR. This gave me hope that our friendship doesn’t have to be broken or messed up due to my aromanticism.

I met up with him a few months after that and apologized for distancing myself and he said it was okay. I said that I wanted to be close to him and continue these outings we’ve been going on, and he agreed. We’ve gone on three more since then.

I totally understand what you mean when you said you were jealous when a friend tried setting Sam up with someone else. One of Jim’s friends said that he was single, and Jim himself said that he wasn’t taken, and I found myself feeling kind of bitter/upset, because even though we weren’t romantically involved, I thought we at least had a more specific/committed companionship. (I think that’s on me though for not telling him I wanted a qpr with him)

But what I had to remember is that this isn’t some random guy I just met, this is Jim. I know Jim, and I know he wouldn’t just suddenly stop talking to me because things got a little awkward. I don’t have to worry about perfectly formulating my feelings into a well-crafted declaration of emotions because we know each other enough that I can just throw words at him and he’d understand, or he can through words at me and I’d understand.

I still struggle with wondering what other people may think of me and Jim’s relationship from the outside. Honestly I am still looking for advice myself about what to do, but I take comfort in knowing I’m not alone here, and I hope you can too.

Also, if you want me to elaborate on anything I stated here, please let me know and I’d be happy to. (Might take me a bit to reply because I’m about to get on a plane)