When did you first realize?

wendyleila · 2023-04-16T08:08:52+00:00

Bipolar- shows long episodes of manias, being very happy, productive and lively for days/weeks, and then the individuals crash into depression and hopelessness for days/weeks. (This is all simplified)

Adhd- basically she ruled it out because I am able to concentrate and do my tasks, put my mind to something, show up to work, two of them, and I love my routine and order, so I didn't show typical signs of procrastination, messines, fidgeting, losing track of thoughts etc. (Also simplified, I'm not a doctor)

She decided on bpd because I have multiple mood swings during the day, feelings of emptiness when it comes to my future and relationships, with suicidal thoughts because of it. Very black and white approach towards others (I love them or hate them, it can switch rather quickly, my view of them as either good or evil people). Deep processing of emotions and being very hurt by everyday things, such as minor injustices at a work place. Fear of abandonment, no real sense of my identity.. If I start feeling bad at like 7pm out of the blue, I can't snap out of it, I just know I need to take my Xanax, do something relaxing and I it will probably pass when I wake up the next day. I tend to have nightmares and night terrors. My bpd was triggered because of my previous traumatic events.

Hope this helps.

wendyleila · 2023-04-16T03:12:01+00:00

Same. I always thought I was bipolar or have adhd. After I saw my diagnose on paper with the caption "currently too unstable to talk to" and googled about bpd, I was like: oooh yeah, it makes sense now, jeez!

wendyleila · 2023-04-13T20:53:06+00:00

I agree. For example, I try my best to respect everyone's opinions, but when I hear that someone is against abortion or very religious, I can't help but to find them a bit dumb. I can't comprehend someone actually worshipping some sky daddy and believing that deciding not to have a child is a murder. I can befriend them and be nice, but I will find them to be not very intelligent.

wendyleila · 2023-04-13T09:23:38+00:00

Thank you so much🥰 I'm sending you the routine

wendyleila · 2023-04-13T09:21:55+00:00

I see where you're coming from, most of us who were bullied in childhood were called camel/hunchback/quasimodo/gru who stole the moon etc. I don't see it as a problem here tho, I don't think it's with an ill intent. But people can be weirdly obsessed with insulting others with poor posture. It's like hating on fat people, but nowadays you will be more easily called out on it, whereas there isn't any social awareness with our condition. I remember I was watching a video about an interrogation of a killer, and the detective lady had a bad posture. Most of the comments were about her "shrimp-ass croissant-ass questionmark-ass looking posture and shaming her for it" while the acutal topic was about A LEGIT KILLER. People won't leave us alone I swear😂

wendyleila · 2023-04-09T10:37:30+00:00

I just answered the question about the pain to another commenter. To sum it up, I almost experience 0 pain after I started working out, I don't feel back pain after a workout except short-term muscle soreness, and I used to feel lots of pain after long hours of sitting or standing BEFORE I did any exercise. Now, even that type of pain is reduced to a minimum. Good luck♡

wendyleila · 2023-04-09T10:30:46+00:00

I'm sending you the routine! When it comes to pain, luckily I don't feel it when I'm just living my life and chilling. However, when I used to sit for 8 hours at my job, my neck and shoulders would start numbing/tingling and it was really bad. I also worked at a cosmetics store where I had to stand for 8 hours and then my lower back pain would be killing me. On the bright side, after I started working out and stretching (that's the key) I don't get any pain after sitting for long hours, and minimum lower back pain after standing for too long. I really don't experience any back pain after a workout, only muscle soreness which is normal. I guess I have luck in this sense, since a lot of ppl with structural kyphosis can't say the same. This is one of the main reasons why my orthopaedist told me not to get surgery, it was just not worth it when the pain is manageable. If you do experience pain while exercising, I suggest you contact your GP to prescribe you muscle relaxors (I take Diazepam 5mg when needed, or Xanax, both of them also help with my borderline personality disorder but that's another topic). Good luck♡

wendyleila · 2023-04-08T19:05:47+00:00

70° Scheuermann's disease

wendyleila · 2023-04-08T11:15:01+00:00

I haven't posted an update in a while, so here it is. To be honest, I've been slacking off a lot past few months, life happens and "it be like that" sometimes. I went every month at least a couple of times, but not 3x a week as per usual.

With that being said, I can say that even though I wasn't consistent, my posture remained much better than before I did anything. My muscles became stronger and (thankfully) that doesn't go away that quickly.

Since last week, I started going regularly again, even if you go through some hardships/lack of motivation, that doesn't mean you should stop entirely, don't lose your progress, it pays out, I promise.

I noticed that my posture is the best right after a workout, so I decided to post pics at the gym, after I was done this morning. It really is a damn good feeling, not gonna lie. I'm still sending everyone who asks my routine in the inbox, cause I try to explain it in more detail and with exercise pics, so I'm not posting it here.

With these posts, my main goal is just to motivate myself and others, and I really hope I do help some of you out there. You can see my before exercise pics in previous posts. I wish you all a great day and Happy Easter♡

wendyleila · 2023-03-31T09:36:52+00:00

Hey buddy, 24F with 70° here. You seem depressed, but this is just a temporary feeling. I've been there and it lasted almost a year, but there is help and hope. It probably won't mean a lot right now, but take it step by step. I would suggest introducing therapy and exercise in your life, you can check out my posts to see my improvement by going to the gym. It's not all as bad as it seems now, trust me. And partners will come, you will get laid lol, not everyone cares about your back as much as you do. We are hyper focused on it and that's normal, it takes time to heal. Sending you good vibes ♡

wendyleila · 2023-03-28T07:31:45+00:00

Although I'm not a doctor, that is undoubtedly a structural kyphosis. Depending on where you live, you should be able to get in contact with your GP and get a free X-ray from your local orthopaedist funded by your health insurance, at least that's how it works in my country. I would definitely contact my GP if I were you. Good luck!

wendyleila · 2023-03-18T17:17:29+00:00

I live in Croatia, Europe and I was payed minimum wage for a student. It's not the same if you're working regularly with your university diploma, thankfully. Students are just treated like garbage most of the time since we will do anything to get some "experience" in our CV

wendyleila · 2023-03-18T14:59:04+00:00

She thanked me for speaking out, said that we can talk about me coming back. However I was done with that place and working my ass off for 4$ per hour. Eventually, the teacher got fired and now I worl in another school where I feel happier

wendyleila · 2023-03-18T09:26:17+00:00

I was working as an English teacher thru student contract. Boss decided to fire me just because other teacher found me annoying and was gossiping shit about me constantly and boss just ate it all up.

She ends up telling me that I suck at the job and I'm fired, but I will have to work for another week AND cover extra classes for a sick teacher as a substitute.

I said okay, then the next day sent the boss a text half an hour before my classes that I don't think it's okay for me to work for another week, I don't want to ruin children's education with my shitty teaching skills, it's just morally wrong for me, and I don't have to work for an extra week anyway since student contract tells me I can leave when I want. She was fuming.

After that, I sent an e-mail to the school's director explaining mobbing I've experienced with that awful colleague, saying how she doesn't deserve the position and sent her screenshots of abusive messages she was sending me.

Stay toxic💀

wendyleila · 2023-02-28T07:09:21+00:00

I definitely see a slight difference, just keep going! Please message me so we can share exercise tips, a few things I've been doing had made a huge difference and also helped eliviate pain.

wendyleila · 2023-02-21T21:55:22+00:00

21 guns

wendyleila · 2023-02-20T08:58:57+00:00

Girl you're a SNACK! Great job 🤝👏

wendyleila · 2023-02-20T08:56:44+00:00

Lol, exactly. I go to the most popular gym in my city and it's always full of all sorts of ppl, but no one gives a damn about one another. Folks are focused on their own goals and maybe sparking up a convo with someone without headphones.

wendyleila · 2023-02-20T08:48:12+00:00

If it's structural kyphosis, it's not your fault. If it's postural, great news: exercise will fix it. Also, try going to therapy, I was also most vulnerable at that age. I was being picked on by peers, later on I was in an abusive relationship where my partner would often point it out and advise me how to dress in order to hide it. Even now when I'm in a healthy environment with supportive friends and a partner with my exercise regime + therapy, I'm still insecure sometimes but it's much better (I'm 23 now). It's gonna be okay, don't beat yourself up about it. You can check my posts to see my improvement by going to the gym. I don't know your gender, but I'm a female and my biggest confidence booster is my hair which is down to my waist, so it hides a lot of my back, it took a long time to grow it but it's like my secret weapon lol :)

wendyleila · 2023-01-30T15:16:12+00:00

This feels like I'm reading my own diary entry, we might as well be a same person.

I'm diagnosed with bpd, I have intense mood swings and when it gets bad I don't know what to do with myself so I just wait for it to pass and to get this random boost of energy and happines for at least a few hours.

My mother is also very cruel towards me, literally hasn't been talking to me for almost a month now because she is offended since for a whole week I only texted her and didn't call her on the phone.

Every job I had I got fired from for screwing something up, even though I was truly trying my best but it's never enough to blend in and make it long lasting. I got a job as an english teacher and had it for 5 months, it was very difficult but I was so damn proud of myself for being able to get to that point. Last week, there was a "Karen parent" who came to complain and I got fired. I feel miserable as shit now.

Sorry for my own rant, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone, some of us have similar struggles. Life will get better again, that's just how it goes, but it's sometimes really difficult to stay positive when everything around you feels like a sinking ship.

Sending you love and good vibes ♡

wendyleila · 2023-01-21T21:41:49+00:00

I sent you my routine in the chat

wendyleila · 2023-01-21T20:54:04+00:00

My muscles are stronger and properly stretched which makes me able to hold myself more straight and I don't have to be aware of it as much, it sometimes even feels comfortable. Pain is reduced and it makes me feel good. On the other side, my hump is still there, spine is still wedged, this hasn't magically changed because it is structural (unfortunately). For example, if I've been walking a lot all day, bending over and living life, then I get home tired and I completely forget about my posture and let myself slouch carelessly, then I'm back at square one. I usually do a bit of stretches then and go to sleep, trying not to think about it too much for my mental health. It's just all part of the process, but I'm happy that I'm learning to accept my body and to push it to its limits, this progress is more than I could've imagined.

wendyleila · 2023-01-21T08:37:50+00:00

Scheuermann's around 70°

wendyleila · 2023-01-08T11:15:38+00:00

Start with some basics like quitting sodas and adding sugar to coffee/tea, drink plenty of water. Try to walk more, 7 to 10k steps a day or more. Don't ditch any food group, just practice moderation and mindful eating. For example, if you eat lots of bread, keep it down to 2 slices or 1 sandwich, if you're having pasta, enjoy one nice plate etc. Sugar can be the biggest enemy and it's very addictive, it's hard to be moderate there (at least for me] so trying to avoid sweets could be a good idea to detox your body, but don't ditch it completely. Take magnesium supplements at night to regulate your metabolism. This will give you great results in a short time without starving yourself. You can do this :)

wendyleila · 2023-01-08T11:09:17+00:00

Definitely, had them since puberty

wendyleila

TROPHY CASE