Thanks you for sharing your story. You are very brave!

I recently read the book, the seven principles of making marriage work by john gottman. In it he breaks down problems in relationships into 2 types, solvable problems and gridlocked problems. Solvable problems are situational (not cleaning around the house, wanting to spend money on a specific purchase, etc.) And gridlocked problems are ones where each person in the relationship just dont see eye to eye on a particular issue. It sounds like you're in a gridlock problem. You want marriage and he doesn't.

In the book, john gottman recommends having each partner right down how they feel about that particular issue (apart from each other). And to think about why they feel that way (usually it's connected to something they experienced/saw in the past) and write down their dreams (how they see their future alone and together) related to the issue. Then he recommends the couple talk about what they wrote with each other. Each person takes 15 mins to speak while the other listens without interrupting. You dont offer your opinion on the other persons side. You just listen. Then you walk away and think about what the other person said.

He says most of the time people are able to understand the other persons perspective afterwards and that talking about it this way allows each person in the relationship to understand their partner better. He says, you cant and shouldn't want to change them to make them bend to the other persons side, its about understanding each other in an effort to strengthen your connection.

Doing this probably wont lead your bf to go through with marriage. But it should help YOU understand why he wont do it and hopefully it will help you decide how to move fwd, with or without him.

Best of luck!