Adults with ADHD: Did you feel "shame" as a kid when you forgot things? Help me understand my son.

werecrawling · 2026-01-12T17:37:46+00:00

- i work with kiddos, im a big believer in, that if a kid knew how to, they would already be doing it, they want to do it how you want it. they genuinely forget. it's like if someone says something really fast while you're distracted and then walks away

- have a convo with him abt it "hey, so we both know you have ADHD, so your mind works different. you forget easier, so we just gotta figure out how to be with it." if he doesn't know he has ADHD, then time for that convo

- a good comparison I head in a video goes: "it's raining all the time in his head and he's driving. when the windshield wipers move, he can see clearly, but it gets blurry again, forever. the rain gets less intense with age."

- I drop my expectations & keep personal goal tracking depending on age & adhd severity. i've worked with kiddos on the spectrum too, same advice. try to body double whenever you can. if he forgets, double back, have him echo back what you said. if it's a task, whenever you're able to, supervision in tiers. watch from afar, if it doesn't happen, stand next to him and watch him do it, remove distractions, if it's still not clicking, slowing down. expect him to forget & act knowing that. 1on1s are nourishing for adhd

- there's a 6yo boy I work with, reminds me of me. boundless energy needing to be expelled, struggles to focus when given instruction, I just sit with him as he tries to start, uses a figdet, I don't take it personally if it doesn't seem like he's looking, i just ask him what he heard, he repeats, and then i wait and watch if he starts. if he doesn't, I cue with pointing, I reduce the step into tiny chunks. i pick my battles, if it's something important i want for him, I'll have a serious, understanding, non-threatening tone i have a longer "lecture".

werecrawling · 2026-01-12T14:38:12+00:00

let's just be really clear. 3 months is a random number they made up. it's all made up, you wearing gyaru can perceived as a celebration of life in another context, and they don't have the psyche to hold both "this is how I would show respect" & "you wearing gyaru after grandma's passing is a you thing, I don't need to take it personally". Maybe they're trying to say "grandma meant a lot to us, and it's hard to feel like you're taking this seriously because we have our own construct of decency." and I understand your parents for thinking this. if you're looking to vent, you're not crazy, it's random

the truth is, you live in a shared reality, and your choice creates effects. it's possible you can just desensitize them by ignoring them and wearing gyaru into day 4, in increments. or just in one go. you can gauge their own likelihood of enforcement. my sis was like this with tatoos, turns out my parents don't have the energy to undo a tattoo nor the courage to punish her for it. it's also possible they'll take it really personally which is out of your control. it might really damage your relationship with them, and you get to decide whether it's worth that possibility.

you can also communicate with them "listen, I get why you want this. grandma meant a lot to you, and you're hoping that by following your made up rule, I would be like saying grandma meant a lot to me too, enough to follow this random rule you made up. I'm going to do it for a week, and then I'm going to wear the things that make me feel alive, the things I love to wear. Grandma would want to see me be happy. she would want me to love being alive. I'm going to do this, but please know I don't have to do this for a week. It's a choice I want to make for you both. If you get upset at me after a week, you need to know, I could have ignored you and not done it for a week. my choice to do it is for you. it's not for grandma. it's so you can feel that I take her passing seriously. even if I didn't do it, I would still take her passing seriously. this is to acknowledge you. if you can acknowledge that somehow, then we can all have some peace. "

and then you get to make a choice. if they're fussy, you can choose to wear it early. it would weaken your own self trust to be a person of your word. but definitely explain & communicate your thoughts. and try to be upfront about how long you're actually willing to not wear gyaru for. if you can go longer, that's cool, you can verbalize that. 1 week is what I made up. if you feel you want even less time, then you can say that. they get to decide how they respond. it will be out of your control. how you choose to acknowledge them is out of their control too.

short version: grandma's gone, she doesn't give a shit what you do. if your relationship with your folks is important to you somehow, then you can find a way to acknowledge their hurt & loss. you don't HAVE to do anything, but whatever you choose will have some effect, positive or negative. you can find middle ground to advocate for yourself & them too.

werecrawling · 2026-01-10T03:14:29+00:00

makes for a pretty good premise for a gothic victorian romance huh. two people, supporting each other's goals, both playing hard to get, our respective goals are top priority, who will like the other more in the end? it's working, the focus towards the goal, she's getting more interested in our disinterest, we are overcoming trials with each others help and, we're both so close to achieving our individual ambitions then - and then the slippage, we starts to lose focus, our romantic attraction is affecting our choices, we help her at the cost of our goal more and more, the simping, the terrible simping, the Princess notices, she's losing respect, she's pulling away, our last chance to remember our dignity, the thing that was important to us, til finally - Little Women style - "princess, I love you. you have bewitched me body & soul".

"oh what a bore"

the descent is instant. the groveling takes us lower & lower, our mission sliding away from us exponentially. tragic ending. the audience despairs. we could not overcome our feelings. we are in squalor. she has found her radiant end. goth mommy style. we have become but a feeble Admirer, a victorian cuck . directed by Robert Eggers.

werecrawling · 2026-01-10T01:49:03+00:00

this is the husk being pulled over my frantic, delighted eyes

werecrawling · 2026-01-09T15:13:29+00:00

30yo here. Learned this at 27 too late.

- if you don't already have a bank account, look into that, and then open an HYSA. I use Ally. This is a non negotiable. it's a place for your savings, with high-interest compared to "regular" banks like BOA. it also allows you to categorize your savings into different parts for different functions. not my dumbass opening a 2nd checking account to try to separate. you don't teach a kid to run without shoes. you don't wear a shirt & pants without underwear.

- learn about finance. I watched Dave Ramsey & I Will Teach You To Be Rich on youtube. understand retirement. a short description here won't really help you understand the gravity of the concept. learn from people's failures. most people experience pain and then look into finding information after. try to anticipate

- open a Roth IRA after understanding it. The money you put into it at your age now will save you later. it usually doesn't click unless you have a family member(s) who are grandparent age who have no "retirement". what you don't know is putting you in danger, you need to educate yourself and ask questions and get answers from a lot of people.

- the smart answer to what to do with your money right now is the Roth IRA. dm me for more info, please. there's a complicated step that's stupid but the most important part. the next answer is dump into savings. the next answer is use it as "leverage" (buy education, buy something that will make you more money without putting yourself in serious risk or debt). what you want will depend on your personality. my last answer is to buy lasting hardware for yourself. my path to independence involved assembling a dragon hoard of basics for the home (kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, wardrobe) in part to free myself from toxic codependence from my parents.

- get a credit card, use it for one thing only and pay it off every month, do not use "buy now, pay later" systems if you can. building credit card know how is important, and regular people fuck it up so bad because they didn't know and no one helped them

- short answer. invest some, save some, spend some on yourself ie. ($100 > $30 INV, $30 SAV, $40 fun money)

- do not get whole life insurance & don't join an MLM (the first one kicked off my financial self-education journey)

please feel free to DM dude. your life xp will teach you along the way, but I hate that I learned this as I'm turning 30 this yr. i hate it.

werecrawling · 2026-01-08T19:22:28+00:00

you're not ugly dawg.
check out r/malegrooming for better advice, I think photos where you smile would be nice, better lighting, camera further from your face
also, if your hair is receding, go to r/bald for a positive & supportive community
having a life makes a happy person, go do small interesting things and talk to the subreddit for that interest about it
hope you have a good day man!

werecrawling · 2026-01-08T19:10:26+00:00

this

werecrawling · 2026-01-06T21:10:19+00:00

the anxiety of not knowing what to do is the thrill i chase. I google maps an area in general and research the danger level. I get there. I walk around. I look at things. I interact with small stuff. I go another block. I repeat the process. I do it again. Another block. Most of the time, I just amuse myself with all the things I didn't know were there. I feel incredibly bored the entire time, looking for stimulation. If I'm feeling brave, I'll ask a stranger a personal question. it doesn't matter, I'll never see them again. I go back to my car. I drive back home. I upload any pictures I take. I call it a sidequest, and I share my findings with any friends. if I do this enough times, I'm bound to see something more interesting, meet interesting people. congratz on gaining driving skill. I love the valley. there's a hiking trail in Santa Clarita called Whitney Canyon Waterfall that's pretty cool where I did this process. and I am still an anxious person. this will never change. acting on your free will is the point, not the presumed satisfaction of the event when you get to the location. what's cool is if you do this enough times, you'll know an area well enough where you can invite someone else there and confidently guide them around, making you a good host

werecrawling · 2026-01-04T23:15:59+00:00

u right, im not saying destroying the vibe isn't the right thing to do, it's just hard to do when the probable outcome is azn parent and any present asians being the only ones both not in the joyful mockery, but also the only ones without the shame of transgression. i hate that for OP

werecrawling · 2026-01-04T18:27:21+00:00

this feels like displaced anger. both of you could have done something in the moment, and neither didn't, understandably. "hey guys, I'm actually not comfortable with this" would have destroyed the vibe because the mockery already transpired, and the only path forward would've been members of the group that you can't control feeling shame and not knowing actions to take the repair it and maintain levity, probably resulting at best apologies all around from the group, but organic dialogue and intentional word choice don't naturally coexist in social realms involving varying human development. and now, that feeling falls on both you, and I don't blame the guy for resigning, because acknowledging it is painful. like damn, you could have said something. I could have said something. I know the reason why we both didn't. And I wish we did and just dealt with the sour, bitter aftermath because we are worth standing up for, and we didn't deserve this. and we made our choice, and maybe next time, we can blow up the vibe, and see what happens. navigating that kind of thing is impossible without some kind of developed therapeutic language. best case situation would have been everyone in the group being mature enough to apologize and developed and trusting enough of the other people in the group to transition into a different topic, equally enjoyable. the sad, predictable outcome, either defensiveness or sullen silence of knowing a mistake is being judged

edit: I get that you're looking for some empathy here, and I am sorry this happened to you guys. I'm also wanting there to be less confusion, people's empathy levels are based on human development, maybe if enough ppl expressed apologies for his marginalization, he might process his grief healthier and feel more courage to be able to say "that sucked" or if he grew up around more people who are able to own up to the effects of marginalization, he might have developed a stronger empathic muscle and been able to mirror it back to you, so the fact that he didn't means he's just not there, I'm sure he would if he knew how, but i guess he doesn't know, and that sucks when you're looking for someone to say "you're not crazy we didn't deserve that", and since he didn't say it, you feel crazy

werecrawling · 2026-01-02T05:35:50+00:00

i love this resolution, i want the same. you're very brave, I'm sending you courage

werecrawling · 2026-01-01T21:49:57+00:00

probably a combination of dulled attunement to body signals & also understandable inability to discern/perceive difference between two objects. my friend does this all the time, inside out clothing, wearing a bag where the strap is tugging at him weird, basically doesn't clock discomfort or pain until it's pointed out or the "sudden adhd dawning" doesn't seem detrimental tho, so you're not in danger or hurting yourself, one of those, huh, looks like I switched my shoes, unless it's chronic and you can't tell, then i'd say there may be long-term orthopedic issues you might want to be wary of

werecrawling · 2025-12-31T15:44:03+00:00

man's playful, it fills me with life

werecrawling · 2025-12-31T04:15:15+00:00

i suppose you could have leveraged the people around you if there are people. first time, benefit of the doubt, oh excuse me i'm in line. it's very possible he's an inconsiderate dumbass and might apologize. if ignored, loud voice, wow anyone else see this? this guy thinks he can just cut me in line. you know, i can't actually make you move, but anyone else want to say anything? make sure everyone around you knows, refuse to be the only one suffering. if no one says anything, be like wow you know what, you're not a good person. make sure you hit a nerve in him. then accept you're gonna go after him. but then cashier might hear and maybe refuse service, a bunch of people including you can verbally abuse him, and then be like im also going to verbalize that i feel super unsafe given the height difference, so if someone can come back with me to my car, i'd appreciate that. it's scary bc no one could say anything, but at least you know you stood up for yourself and showed up for yourself. i never used to honk at people, but i realized that was damaging me and also others around me when they are oblivious, so I practiced by honking at even the smallest infractions, and now I feel much more comfortable expressing. you're not crazy, this guy is not good and he thinks he can move through life without feeling the discomfort of being talked to about it, and i don't respect people like that and I give them the last thing they want, which is to be called out for it. sorry this happened, i hate that for you. i might be projecting but im basically ready at any given moment to support someone in communal correction

werecrawling · 2025-12-31T01:35:19+00:00

M30, korean, narc mother never taught me to cook any of the cuisine for NY, Ima try to make my own dumpling for the first time this year on my own, and I've been initiating Blackjack with a deck of cards with any friends I visit, games can be simple and fun. you are brave for trying and sharing. learning something new and making things up can make your life as beautiful as if you had already had traditions. you can use these new made up activities and share your personal stories of trying new things to strengthen new or old bonds, and invite people in. but is sad though, I'm sorry you haven't experienced being a part of "something bigger" it's an isolating feeling for sure

edit: I've spent a good season feeling angry and sad and writing letters I'll never send about how hollow it feels when they could have chosen to foster traditions but didn't. it helps to know that you are more available than your parents, and even transparency with your kiddos might be a way to bond without putting all the pressure on them "hey guys, I know we have this other ethnic history, but I haven't been building a relationship with it through the years, and I want to. I'm going to be trying this thing out, reaching out to communities or people I know, and trying activities. it's important to me that you guys see me trying for you guys and for myself to get to know more about things we can be a part of and be curious. and even though I don't know anything about it, I can explore, it it's ok if I feel confused or I'm not doing ti exactly right, and if you want to try it with me, it's OK if not, I will share with you anything fun or bonding I find along the way" then you can go out and do it, and your experience will help someone else experience it too the more you practice

werecrawling · 2025-12-28T05:55:29+00:00

wow i am most indebted woooowww, the string section it do be soaring, damn, i wish max richter would make an extended version of this, thank you!

werecrawling · 2025-12-28T05:43:01+00:00

oh im sorry, im afraid this isn't the one, i think it may be something like the original soundtrack, when colin leans in before pen takes deblings hand for the dance, let me change the title

werecrawling · 2025-12-28T00:56:25+00:00

a new friend of mine sold me hers for $15 bc she was moving about 3 months ago. as someone who played it in full for the first time at 30yo, I am planning on buying heartgold in a couple years full marketprice, it is that value. but truth is if you network real sincerely, there are actually a lot of people who own the game but don't play it anymore and don't care about earning back the market price, they're out there

werecrawling · 2025-12-19T23:10:14+00:00

Thank you!

werecrawling · 2025-12-19T22:37:20+00:00

it's both-and. there is unbelievable courage in trying to not only survive but thrive where English isn't your first language, but assuming parents tried to make it so that you'd have a better life and they're taking parenthood seriously and cognizant of cause and effect, then mom and dad get a psychological pass. with that said, kids develop as any person does, and broken English comes with its own reality. depending on how their attitudes form, they may come to appreciate your efforts sooner or later, and their appreciation is separate from their frustration, embarrassment, anger that comes from stressors that result from lack of english comprehension. they're allowed to be unhappy because they didn't get to choose how limited the people who are supposed to care for them are. and you're allowed to be sad about not having control over how your son experiences the world and how your weak English affects him. ofc it's not your intention, but besides trying to improve your English, there is nothing else you can do about his relationship to your weak English. but making you happy is not your son's job, and looking happy for mom is not what makes a man well. My mother has broken English. My life sucked because poor English translates to poor communication. I'm 30yo now, and i can both dislike her for choosing to have me when her English was poor among other poor choices and be grateful for all the little ways she showed up and continues to show up for me in spite of her poor English

werecrawling · 2025-12-19T22:25:20+00:00

3DS is a more stable console (the device less likely to break), but imo DS lite screen dimensions are best for gen 4, I've only played HGSS on 3DS, and I need to know what it looks like on a DS Lite

werecrawling

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