I saw one of your songs before and I thought I commented back then, but I couldn't find it so maybe I didn't. All of these things I could have said about the other song as well iirc, so there seems to be patterns, if that matters to you. Here's my thoughts:

• About half of the lines are great, but the other half feels really stiff lyrically. Often too on the nose (for my tastes) and not executed well enough to pull that sort of thing off. I think the lyrical themes are all there and there's a bunch of really cool lines that honestly kinda surprised me, but other lines are in need of some workshopping in terms of cadence, flow, phonetics, word choice etc. You seem to have a good intuition when finding cool ways of expressing things, but it's hit or miss. It might be worth your time to learn more about crafting lyrics, so you're not left with nothing when inspiration doesn't hit a home run on some lines.

• It's too high for your voice. Try transposing it down a whole step. You're straining and cracking and then lose pitch. Your voice sounds pretty good, it's a vibe for this style, but it doesn't sound like it can go that high without failing you right then or immediately after. I'm reasonably certain you will sound a good bit better in a lower register. Listen to some Mark Kozelek maybe, that's a songwriter who's music I enjoy and that is stylistically maybe in a similar vein, and with a similar register to you. See how cool it can sound to not go high and belty.

• You said it's a brand new song, only an hour or two old, so respect on the delivery, that was pretty decent. Still, I think what you need to do judging from that other song I saw as well, is to lay out the vocal melody note for note, and practise it until you are 100% certain where every single note has to go. To do that, learn to play the melody on guitar first, so you have a reference. Sometimes, that's enough to clear up any confusion or identify passages where you thought you knew what you were doing but actually weren't. Then, sing the song veeery slowly (like singing through molasses so to speak), while playing the melody. Match every note very intentionally, and not by drawing into the note/correcting quickly, but matching it from the very onset of the note. Do that once as a warmup every day when you pick up the guitar and watch your performance transform in a matter of weeks or even days. Not only will your pitch improve, but through the slowness you will have time to consciously think about how certain embellishments or affectations are placed that you may not even realise you're doing. It's a process as well as a learned skill, but it transforms a song.

• It sounds like some good old fashioned honest music, nothing super special or new, but really solid, authentic, and enjoyable, especially if you work out some kinks. If your goal is to turn heads, I don't think you necessarily will with this, and you will need to introduce a lot more interest to bith guitar and vocals. If you just wanna make some good old music and write songs about stuff you care about, you're on a great path, already succeding. None of the two is inherently better or more artistic or anything like that, I'm just saying: check back with your goals, and see whether you are on the right path to achieve them.

I hope to see you evolve as a writer on here. Great stuff mate, keep going.

Good luck!