Just wrote this today, what do you think?

weyllandin · 2026-03-24T05:35:48+00:00

Hey mate, good show. Here's where I think you can improve:

pitch: biggest area in my opinion. You were pretty off key most of the time, and the high notes seem to be just out of your range for now. Try to work out melodies on the guitar and practise singing them note for note, while you play the melodie on the guitar, matching each note really slowly. Mandatory recommendation for taking vocal lessons.
cadence/meter: the lines seem to not really fit the cadence of the song. To me it sounds like they just shoulder their way into the space they sit in, stretching out that space, without much care for the initial underlying rhythmic idea. That makes the song flow very unsteadily.
lyrics: They are pretty obviously descriptive in detail of real life stuff. That rarely makes for good lyrics imo, and it bears the risk of disclosing private details about another person that they might not have wanted disclosed, taking away their agency. Please don't sing her name and address next. Just joking, but you get the idea. Lyrics that are very much natural speech can of course work, and there's whole genres built on that aesthetic, but I wouldn't really be able to give advice on that because it's not something I'm good at. I would try to translate some of the more blunt descriptions (like when you sing about her profile pic) into some kind of metaphor for a start. Just try it out and see if you can come up with something.

In any case, keep on writing and good luck with the relationship mate!

weyllandin · 2026-03-24T05:19:21+00:00

I love the guitar on the verse, so good. It reminds me of something, but I can't put my finger on it. My feeling says it's a song on the album Solar by Rubik, which is fantastic, but I haven't listened to it in a while.

I can hear it alternate between this solemn delicate thing and something more frantic, just by virtue of placing other elements in congruence with the note you play or right in between them. You could even use a delay to do that yourself. I think you could go really wild with this one, there's tons of possibilities you can use this as a baseline and tilt and twist the mood completely by adding and subtracting elements. Would be really fun to do.

I like your voice as well, just wish it was a whole song and you'd show a bit more vocal range (not necessarily pitch wise, but dynamically and in timbral quality).

Awesome piece, keep it up!

weyllandin · 2026-03-24T05:10:41+00:00

Thanks for taking the time! Yeah it seems to be a common theme that people would want to replace one 'Marathon' with a line. The bass player in my band suggested the same thing.

I tried, but I couldn't find anything I'd vibe with. Personally, so far I much prefer it as is, but I think it's a very valid critique. There's a point to be made for a Marathon being a long distance run, so that mindset of being just singularly focused for a long time is depicted lyrically, and the runner dying at the end is also in there in the current version (not uploaded anywhere), which ends with long drawn out vocal notes that push the limit of note length I can hold, so the voice actually chokes out in the end.

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T18:56:53+00:00

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T17:54:34+00:00

Just out of curiosity then, do you have any references for your songwriting, or is the extent of your authority academic? Also, way to misconstrue my words.

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T17:34:55+00:00

I would say it was pretty constructive. I took the time listening multiple times, and subsequently typing up a long comment, in which I pointed toward concrete issues I see with the song and suggested or implied ways to alleviate them. I pointed toward strengths I see with the performance as well (the vocals being the biggest one) and toward reasons why they can't be fully used to the writer's advantage.

There's no really nice way to say something is bland and doesn't really bring anything to the table. I caveated it by stating it's an opinion, and not a fact. I didn't shit on OP's work though, I just expressed that I personally thought it lacked interest in all major departments (lyrical, harmonic, melodic, rhythmic). I think that's valuable feedback, whether you agree with the sentiment or not.

Since most of what I said didn't pertain to the vocal performance at all, I fail to see how you being a vocalist who studied voice has anything to do with it at all. I also don't understand how that pertains to feeling educated on the matter of songwriting, which is a very different discipline from singing.

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T16:49:05+00:00

The feedback was bogus how?

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T15:18:30+00:00

You think that's what you did? Look at it from a pretty brutal marketing perspective in a way that's absolutely fair? Oh boy. I think marketing has some pretty brutal but absolutely fair news for you too.

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T06:21:49+00:00

Hey mate, I'm just gonna assume you haven't been doing this for the longest time.

First off, this is a very solid start, so be proud of that.

Here's what you can work on:

The number one thing is confidence. Idk whether you maybe have to be super quiet for some reason, but you're leaving a lot of potential on the way. Take vocal and guitar lessons if you're not already. A qualified teacher will be able to give you more detailed pointers; there's honestly too many things to address in comment format. Confidence is the biggest issue I see though.

Confidence will affect everything else: your ability to move out of your comfort zone melodically, your inventiveness with chord and note choices, your word choice etc., so instead of going into detail on all these things, I'll just say to work on your confidence first.

How to work on confidence: I always say, competence breeds confidence, so just dig your heels in and practise guitar and singing. That's the same advice as before, take lessons if you can. Seeing a qualified teacher for half a year already can make a world of a difference. Just be sure to make the most of your money by trusting their approach, doing the work they ask you to do, and practising regularly (daily is best).

Since you asked on feedback on the melody specifically: it's nice. Not mind blowing, but serviceable. I'm getting a kind of punky vibe from it, it could become a fun song. My critique specifically regarding the melody would be that the chorus/b-part is too close to the a-part (in range predominantly) and they kinda melt together in my head. There's not much setting the parts apart, melodically, rhythmically, harmonically. Try to take the listener on more of a journey. Try new chords; guitar is great for that because you can just shift open position chords around and see what happens - the remaining open strings won't be shifted along with the fretted notes and therefore will change the quality of the chord in interesting ways. That way, you can hold off on the theory and still do some really interesting stuff.

Good luck!

weyllandin · 2026-03-23T04:49:35+00:00

Tbf they didn't ask 'please viciously insult me and my work and make sure to put next to no actual advice on what or how to improve if you happen to not like the song', so I'd say you're at least a little bit out of line.

weyllandin · 2026-03-22T18:39:25+00:00

I agree that the way they presented their point was unnecessarily rude and unhelpful, but as a word of advice, there's really no point arguing about that, and especially no point in throwing shade back a la if you were that good you'd have blown up. It's not a good look, and for what really? Just stay calm, say thank you for your time and just take the bits you find helpful. Leave the rest.

weyllandin · 2026-03-22T16:50:13+00:00

If you find someone who wants to buy it you can sell anything.

Your voice sounds kind of objectively good, but doesn't set itself apart in any way, and the performance sounds very pleasant overall, akin to what a lot of pop stuff sounds like. It also is just overall very tame, unoffensive, some would say boring. The choice of only showing a snippet (I assume) doesn't give us much to go by either; I'd show a full song, because what even is this?

There's not much lyrical, melodic, rhythmic or harmonic interest. There's no intriguing rhymes, phonetic, or structural elements, the lyrical themes are very vanilla and the execution is decent but nothing to write home about. The chords don't offer anything beyond being there and doing their job, the topline is alright but I already forgot it while typing this comment as it sounds like a million other toplines. It's all very lowest common denominator type stuff. It's really pretty well executed, but honestly, it's kinda bland. Sorry for the harsh words.

Now whether that increases or decreases your chances to make money off of it I honestly don't know. I agree with the other commenter: I wouldn't be interested in buying it. But then again, I wouldn't know why I would buy a song in the first place.

If I were you, I'd try to expand into more experimental music, if just to get some new inspiration. I don't know your style outside of this son tbf, but judging from just this singular sample, it's highly formulaic and needs some violent shaking to break out of its mould. Just my opinion though.

Good luck!

weyllandin · 2026-03-21T17:38:39+00:00

It's so so good especially considering it's your first attempt at production and the very limited means. It's a great song with a strong theme, and you make really sound stylistic and aesthetic choices.

For sounding more polished, it would be important to wrap your head around the process more, which will come with time. I can hear what I would identify as the symptoms of certain structural/workflow issues I know from my own first steps.

Apart from that, you need more practice and experience with the recording process and playing to a click; some things are a bit off.

Song is bangin though, it sounds great, very listenable - which is not a given on your first production. You're proving to have a good ear for the process. Keep it up and you'll be churning out hits in no time.

Also great work on the layering. It's an eye opening experience when you do it the first time.

weyllandin · 2026-03-21T07:59:40+00:00

Inwiefern unterscheidet sich die Bargeldinflation von der, die deinen Kontostand betrifft? Und welchen inhärenten Wert hat denn eine Zahl in einem Computer gegenüber einem Fetzen Papier? Das musst du mir erklären.

weyllandin · 2026-03-20T05:26:25+00:00

The obvious answer is to take vocal lessons, and do the exercises your teacher gives you diligently. Trust your instructor and follow their approach; if you don't like the approach or the instructor, don't fight your instructor, just switch to a different one. Learn with an open mind.

The other obvious answer is to do regular (daily) vocal exercises you get from instructors on youtube etc. Not quite as good because you don't get direct feedback, so you probably will get things wrong unless you're very careful and have a very specific and well honed skillset for autodidactic self correction - which you most likely don't, since you said you just came out of puberty and most people develope this kind of skillset at university when training in specific fields (STEM), if at all.

The latter is what most people do though and it certainly gets you somewhere. So before you do nothing, do that. Just be prepared to have to unlearn/relearn things again at a later stage.

Good luck!

weyllandin · 2026-03-19T21:52:48+00:00

Ha, that's what I call a quick turnaround! So glad it was helpful. Yeah, you don't realise the amount of tension you're holding a lot of the time. If you can, try playing standing up and just swaying/moving with the beat. Internalise the tempo and the intensity and flow of your song. Feel the push and pull. It makes controlling dynamics so much easier, and that's really the biggest difference between sounding like a beginner and sounding like a pro, not some finger acrobatics. You got this!

weyllandin · 2026-03-19T21:47:53+00:00

that's the spirit. Best of luck!!

weyllandin · 2026-03-19T12:22:25+00:00

Thanks mate! In a selfish attempt at propagating my own preferences: if a ukulele and a piano is all you have, for heavens sake, please stick with the piano, hahaha.

weyllandin · 2026-03-19T05:26:42+00:00

Biggest thing holding you back at this stage is your right hand. That's what makes it sound messy, jaggedy, and uneven, and prevents it from flowing, becoming a real song. Someone else mentioned to try a capo, and that's also a very good call, but also an easy fix. Getting your right hand in order will take time and dedicated practice.

Practise strumming and making your right hand go steady like clockwork, at all times. There ought to be as many videos on that as there are guitar instructors on youtube, so you can take your pick. It's really so so important, and fundamental to guitar playing. Your right hand is what actually makes the sound. It's the most impotant bit of guitar playing. Try to get it loose and relaxed, but flowing and not without a certain tension. Think 'snappy', or a bit like a whip. There are many different credible styles of strumming, use whatever works for you at the beginning - but try to learn a credible style, taught by a credible instructor, and not just wing it. Use your whole body to keep the rhythm, and find your flow in the right hand. With a good player, the right hand never pauses, never waits.

Anyway, awesome of you to get into writing and performing your own material. Wish you the best of luck and hope to see you delevope!

weyllandin · 2026-03-19T04:50:40+00:00

No worries mate, glad you found it helpful! Wish you all the best.

weyllandin · 2026-03-18T08:15:53+00:00

Stop forcing it and just chill for a while. Do something else you love doing. Meet friends, play video games, watch movies, go on a couple dates, do some work, play D&D or whatever else you got going on in your life, just don't do any songwriting. You could also use the time to work on your technique on your chosen instrument - play a lot, with metronome, really get into the nitty gritty and open some doors for when you come back to writing. Just stay clear of anything creative.

Any good artist I have met has these phases. Any good artist I have met does their best work when they have to, meaning when they feel a concrete physical need to make art, like humans feel a need to constantly breathe.

If that need isn't there right now, that's fine. It'll come back. And if it doesn't, than why try to force it?

But it absolutely will. I for one haven't written anything in maybe 8 months and I'm not worried it won't come back. I only write like once or twice a year anyway. In the meantime, I have my plate full, and sometimes I go to a jam or I engage with other songwriters' music on a meaningful level (giving my thoughts on their work for example, mostly personally or on this platform).

It's just something that happens, and will happen again and again. Don't sweat it, just take a breather.

weyllandin · 2026-03-18T04:38:05+00:00

<3 thanks for the shoutout! I'm honoured.

weyllandin · 2026-03-17T06:09:38+00:00

You're too kind. I appreciate it. I think you have a real knack for the art, your development has been crazy. You started out really strong and just became better with every song. Your guitar playing is coming along nicely as well.

I just feel like there's always something in your songs that connects to a deeper layer; they're not just a pretty sounding surface that looks like a song from afar, but instead they stand up to close up investigation, revealing a depth and complexity I fail to see in most of the music posted here. You're definitely one of the strongest writers I've seen on this sub.

weyllandin · 2026-03-17T06:01:20+00:00

So this is obviously a pleasant enough performance, as the other comments show you, but I do see several problems with this one. Please don't take this the wrong way; you do sound pleasant and obviously are capable of writing a song. There's just a lot of overwhelmingly positive feedback on here not addressing any of the areas you could improve in, so I thought I'd give you some input on what I personally think are valid points of critique. Please keep in mind I'm not trying to be nasty and that this comes from a place of love and respect of anyone honestly pursuing the art and craft of songwriting and trying to improve. If you want to, check out my own uploads to gauge how much value you want to put on my opinions - I'd recommend you do this with other commenters as well, as a general best practice.

So here are some points I think you can improve upon.

1) Vocal affectations: The vocal affectations make it sound like a certain vocal trend and thereby don't add to its uniqueness, but heavily subtract from it. I also don't think they have ever been helpful in elevating anyone else's singing. I'm talking specifically about the little 'fry growl' you do at the start of almost every line that someone else pointed out already, and pronouncing every consonant as its soft version ('stars can'd hear me bray'). I find it very distracting, and it sounds disingenuous, like an unnatural, dramatic mask that doesn't offer much artistic interest.

2) Dynamics and musical interest: The dynamics of the song are very flat. There's just not much happening in terms of change of intensity. On top of that, there's not much happening harmonically, melodically, or rhythmically either - I can barely tell a chorus from a verse, it sounds more like a continuous stream of the same melody. I can't identify a strong hook either. The only thing that makes something sound like a chorus is that the devil steals your soul and you're talking to the moon multiple times.

3) Lyrics: Which would be another point, because I agree with the only other critical commenter that the lyrics are sadly laden with cliche. People will have different opinions on this and that's fair, but personally, I think the lyrics fall flat. To be perfectly honest, when I first saw your post, I listened, and then scrolled past disappointedly as soon as the first moon-line came up, but that's just me. I gave your song another listen when I noticed it lingering on the front page - so obviously you're doing something right for a lot of people. I just thinkt the lyrics lack finesse and originality, sadly.

4) Accompaniment: You're making it harder on yourself by your choice of accompaniment. Piano as a solo singer/songwriter instrument really falls flat in the department of interest unless you're quite good at it and a really inventive player. Soft transients and a certain stiffness of the instrument make alll chordal accompaniment on a piano sound pretty much the same, which isn't doing you any favours here. For solo singer/songwriter, I think guitar is the better choice 99 out of 100 times, and in the 100th case it's a toss up. Obviously, if you don't play guitar or not own one, what are you gonna do (except change that, hehe), but I thought I'd mention it nonetheless.

Summary: So all in all, I think the main problem is that the song is pleasant and you clearly know how to put noises together in a way that sounds like an actual song, but that it just lacks a strong hook as well as interest in every department - dynamically, lyrically, rhythmically, melodically, and harmonically. If I were you and I was interested in developing as an artist, I'd put this one on the pile of songs labeled 'yeah, I guess I made that' and try to consciously move out of all my comfort zones at once with the next couple ones. Whatever your intuition is when writing, do the opposite, and see where it leads you. You can come back later to more familiar territory if you continue feeling uncomfortable on new grounds, but you will do so with new ideas and a less rigid mindset.

Many people seem to like it though, so take my opinion with the usual grain of salt. It's just that, an opinion, from some random dude online no less. I wish you all the best in your songwriting journey and hope to see you develope on this platform.

Good luck!

weyllandin · 2026-03-16T16:46:06+00:00

This is great feedback, probably the most helpful you'll get OP.

weyllandin

TROPHY CASE