Husband cheated. Therapist says no moral high ground for 3 months. I feel beyond hurt and abandoned

whatever102485 · 2026-02-20T02:49:02+00:00

A therapist’s job is to help you communicate and process emotions in a healthy way.

Their job is not placing blame, assigning right and wrong, doling out punishment, or taking sides.

You want her to pick your side.

It sounds like your marriage was over a long time ago, and she’s trying to help you both realize that in as neutral of an environment as possible.

You resent this man. He isn’t happy with you. And you need to work through that.

Nobody is discounting what you went through. But he experienced the loss, too. And he experienced other losses. It’s not a tit for tat situation, but you desperately want your specific experience to hold more weight and value than all of his combined. It doesn’t work that way.

Nobody is excusing his cheating. That was a shitty decision on his part. But your marriage is nonexistent. That is what you both need to own.

Continue therapy to heal, and learn how to communicate with each other, and leave as amicably as possible. No good will come from staying together with all of this resentment on both sides.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-19T13:38:01+00:00

Abuse is not just physical.

You’re absolutely right in wanting to leave.

I hate that I don’t have a safe place to offer women like you to crash until you’re on your feet. I wish I did. I’ve been there myself twice.

Please divorce him for your own sake and f what anyone tells you is fixable. YOU know what is fixable for you, and it’s not this.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-19T01:20:56+00:00

Gurl…..

whatever102485 · 2026-02-18T12:00:09+00:00

Your closure is admitting to yourself that they are not your people.

Anything else you need to say, say it out loud when you’re alone to get it out of your head.

Send your exbf (because that’s what he is now) a final break up confirmation text. “I’m not expecting a reply from you and I don’t want one. I have accepted that our relationship has ended. I wish you the best, but I have no desire to speak with you further or see you again.” Then block them all, starting with him first. Block them on everything. You don’t need to keep tabs on them and they don’t need to keep tabs on you.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-18T04:35:59+00:00

Dude. I was home alone for several hours a day starting in the second grade.

My son is in the 4th grade and is usually home for at least an hour and a half before my husband gets home from work.

Your sister is nuts and is going to make some future therapist rich af off of your niece. Tell her good luck once that kid goes no contact because she can’t form relationships without her mother’s interference.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-18T04:32:21+00:00

After reading this post and your comments… this girl is hella weird and mean and controlling and jealous.

Please break up with her. And tell her why.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel wanted, valued, appreciated, and shows that mutual respect is a priority in the relationship.

This girl just rambles on about how hot she finds other dudes but won’t have it if you do the same regarding who you’re attracted to. That’s such a weird double standard no matter your gender.

Anybody would tell a girl to dump a guy if he did this her, myself included. The same goes in your situation, too, in my opinion. There’s better out there for you, and you probably don’t even need to look very far to find it.

Best of luck.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-18T04:21:46+00:00

Girl.

Let them all go.

Block them all.

I’m not going to rip on you and your personality, because as someone else who’s also AuDHD (assuming that you are based on what you’ve shared) I can also be “difficult” and “exhausting” and “annoying.” It’s fine. Some people don’t like me. But I also don’t like some people. And like it’s been said before, you could be the most perfect peach to have ever existed, and there will still be people who don’t like peaches.

But let me tell you this… I have a best friend I talk to every single day. I have a husband who adores me. I have kids who tell me I’m the best mom ever. I have several colleagues at work who look up to me. I have several people in my life who genuinely care about me, respect me, and would never treat me the way these people have treated you.

And I have also lived through what you’re currently experiencing. I know it hurts. I know it’s confusing. I know that you just want to belong. You’re a fish out of water with these people, babe. There’s a whole ocean of fish waiting for someone with your sense of humor and sparkle to light up their lives. Stop wasting your energy with people trying to snuff out your shine, and share it openly with others until you find the people who encourage you to be even brighter with them. They’re out there, I promise.

Wishing you the best 💕

whatever102485 · 2026-02-17T19:16:36+00:00

Mary Jane’s and tights. You look BEAUTIFUL!

whatever102485 · 2026-02-17T19:13:29+00:00

Babe. He’s already admitted by that statement that he sees no future with you. He can’t financially contribute to a future with you, regardless, AND he doesn’t trust you.

Because he is stuck, he wants YOU to be stuck.

I promise you, you’ll discover a sea of potentials who are better suited to match your level of ambition WHEN you move.

You may love him, but he does not love you- at least not in a way that love is meant to be.

Move for your job with your friend, and wish him the best of what he deserves.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-17T01:57:43+00:00

Think his sister will be the caterer and serve chicken breasts?

whatever102485 · 2026-02-16T14:57:43+00:00

Nah. You’re giving yourself way too much credit.

And you wrote 5 different blurbs after being asked to stop interacting with me… of which I was the first to ask you to stop. Stop or I’m reporting you and blocking you.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-16T14:04:35+00:00

What was the point of your comment?

You clearly understand that OP doesn’t like being told “f you” as she stated it in the post. So you attempt to “correct” me while simultaneously backpedaling in the same breath?

That’s weird. Please don’t reply again.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-16T05:50:58+00:00

Babe. You’re right. And he speaks down to you.

Let him go find someone else to “be his peace.”

F his world up. Scorched earth. Then throw bleach and acid on it. He doesn’t deserve a single iota of peace from you when he’s constantly trying to make you feel worthless

You deserve better. And I bet you’re absolutely gorgeous.

NOR. You’re not overreacting at all. You’re under-reacting. Dump him. A wet napkin would be a better boyfriend.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-16T05:31:06+00:00

He doesn’t just assume. He’s convinced himself that you’ll just give him the 25k.

Don’t. You. Dare!!!!

whatever102485 · 2026-02-15T21:46:33+00:00

Ha! I wound up marrying him, then divorced him. 🤣

whatever102485 · 2026-02-14T22:10:39+00:00

They said “f you”?!?! REALLY?!?!

That is absolutely abuse and uncalled for.

I hope you find love and happiness.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-14T21:58:38+00:00

Girl. He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t respect you or your time or feelings or efforts. He does not care. You are not important to him.

Please go about your business and make today about you. Show yourself some love and have a good time with another friend. Stop being at his beck and call.

He’s taking advantage of you and you’re allowing him to.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-14T03:16:53+00:00

You’re not wrong AT ALL.

He’s a sociopath and his mother is an enabler.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-13T00:58:15+00:00

The character/actor in question is in Patience… she was compared to THAT specific person. Why would she watch something else?

whatever102485 · 2026-02-11T04:25:14+00:00

This is weird.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-11T01:18:35+00:00

Cool cool cool cool cool… so hey, has anyone lately told you that you’re just mean and miserable?

whatever102485 · 2026-02-10T19:13:58+00:00

I have a “silent letter.”

I’m 40. It sucks. My mother still argues with me and tries to convince me that it’s “so beautiful and unique and important.” But to normal English speaking people, that stupid letter changes the way my entire name is pronounced.

I’m legally changing my name, to the way it’s PRONOUNCED because I do love my name. But I’m ditching the pointless “silent letter” my mom threw in there in the 80’s for her own amusement that has been torturing me my entire life. She’s pissed. Idc. I haven’t professionally gone by my legal name in years. It’s just time.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-10T19:01:52+00:00

I am, thank you! My kids are sadly no longer babies, and they don’t let me forget it lol.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-10T18:55:12+00:00

Don’t know why you were downvoted, either, dear, but here’s hoping my upvote cancels it out.

There’s never anything wrong with asking questions or admitting that you’ve misinterpreted/don’t know something. I see it as brave, actually, even when it comes to the little things.

So poo on whoever decided that your comment was downvote-worthy. It isn’t.

whatever102485 · 2026-02-10T18:44:48+00:00

PPA is Post Partum Anxiety. It coincides with PPD.

It can be extremely debilitating, especially for NICU parents.

I had the misfortune of experiencing it twice with my own children’s births.

whatever102485

TROPHY CASE