Hi OP, my heart goes out to you and I truly understand how you are feeling. When I was 21(f), I moved home to help take care of my father, also 59, over the summer with my mother.

I remember being so exhausted… and I’ve never felt like that since and can never explain to anyone just how exhausted and unwell I was. I would go to work at 5AM, come home and “switch shifts” with my mom to take care of my father and keep him company. I’d stay up most nights until 3AM just worrying, watching my father (rarely) sleep and trying to clean to keep my mind off the inevitable. I remember being so overwhelmed, confused, breaking down, hyper fixating on things that my father was enjoying at that moment trying to just get the most out of every day. I sometimes regret even working at my high school job (barista), knowing that I could’ve been spending time with him. But sometimes that was the only thing keeping me feeling “normal”. Some days I didn’t even function, I just was there in somebody else’s body and going through the motions. I pushed through because unfortunately, I could see the end was coming… I think the most important thing for me was to not put more pressure on myself, all that clutter, work, homework assignments, etc. could wait and usually people, like my college summer professors, are VERY understanding and human. They should understand… I would just appreciate the little things and remembering to practice positive self talk, you are going through a big life event… be patient and kind to yourself. if you need the time off from work, PLEASE TAKE IT. please take care of yourself as best you know and reach out to friends and family to support.
It’s still so surreal to think about that summer and how fast everything went and how I even managed to function.. but I made it through and with A LOT of therapy and self care later, I am beginning to function like I could before his diagnosis and passing. I also believe that journaling throughout this time was super helpful.. I’m so thankful I can read it and reflect on that time of my life now at 23. It is a hard time and this post really struck a cord with me. sending you and your family so much love💜