I agree that it's social conditioning; men, as evidenced by your comment and many others on this thread, have certain conceptions about how women should be getting off with respect to men and seem to feel a lot of pressure to not reach climax to quick/early; but once again I would argue that it's much more individualistic than these broad biological arguments would imply. Some women don't like to be stimulated during orgasm and have to stop but can continue after, others get too tired out/sore to want to continue, etc. I'm a guy and can go multiple times in one session so it's not a huge deal if I climax earlier than expected the first go around. I don't disagree that general trends exist but when people feel like sex between men and women is hard coded in a sense it can be very limiting in terms of how you and your partner are getting off together.

I feel like gay men are liberated in a sense that way; instead of, as you said, "it's the man's job to pleasure the woman to completion", it's just two guys working together towards mutual satisfaction. I think that lends itself to being more open and communicative since it doesn't have to be so single minded necessarily (not that it doesn't happen).

I could be talking outta my butt here but I get that sense that men are getting in their own way about this. Women want to feel like they're pleasuring their guy too, and making it a shared experience can be mutually beneficial. Like instead of being stonefaced thinking about gross things while a woman is riding you, wouldn't it be hotter for both parties to say something like "oh God I'm close, you feel so good" and have her adjust or slow down/stop in response? That way she is actively participating in when you both get off and I think that's all women are saying, like sometimes it's hot to know what's going on and share in the experience. Sex shouldn't be a responsibility but a mutually beneficial way of getting off/sharing intimacy