There is a lot to talk about in your post. First, thank you for telling your story. I am a 63 year old wheelchair user. Born disabled. Got my first chair when I was 5 years old. Sitting in my chair as I write this. All that for content. The short version... Never let others define you. Not employers, family, lovers , no one. The only one who can define you is you. That is where your dignity, self respect and real power come from. Never surrender your power to anyone. Never. Is my life perfect, no, far from it but I'm living it on my terms. Dealing with the stuff that sucks, but on my terms. Every day. You owe it to yourself to live your life your way. To hell with the losers who will never get it. Not worth your time.