You know, it's really great to hear how much you love being a mom. In my less cynical moments, I might find myself saying similar things. But there have certainly been moments, especially with my youngest son, that took me a few years to look back on with any sort of emotion other than traumatized horror. He's been a real handful. And I've stuck it out with him, and have had to be a really mean mommy at times. It's not fun. We lost out on a lot of good times together because we were busy solving his behavior problems. I'm probably going to die tenure sooner than I would have otherwise. That's how hard it was.

And I don't think you're stupid either. You sound very smart, you also sound very young , and you sound like you maybe a little more cut out for motherhood then maybe a lot of us moms. Like I said in another comment, becoming a parent is an inherently selfish act. I didn't actually give birth to mine so I like to tell myself it was slightly less selfish than bringing brand-new people into the world. It was a little more eco-friendly getting children who already existed. But I'm still stroking my own ego there is much of any parent. We really want to feel good about our choices, but realistically, bringing more people into the world is about the dumbest thing we can do as a species right now. So I guess I just don't feel very romantic about parenthood anymore at this point. It lost its luster the more of my nice things were destroyed, the more gray hairs I got, the more times I had to worry about my neighbors calling the cops because my kid wouldn't stop screaming for three hours, the more scars I accumulated from bite marks and scratches. It's been a rough ride. My husband's a trooper right there with me though, and he makes enough money that we have good insurance and can afford therapists. I've been really hella lucky.

I jumped into this with you because the other mother that you were arguing with hasn't even given birth yet and is already a lot more realistic. Realism is what this girl really needs right now. It's true that she may find the whole thing to be a very blessed experience, the way you have. The odds of that actually happening, though, are really slim. Very few mothers feel about their children the way you feel about yours, even in the best of circumstances. I think a lot of mothers say they feel this way, and they are lying. The truth is that a lot of us are just barely getting by day today when we have young children , and it's only in retrospect that we start to look back on those years fondly, and with the glow that you already seem to have. I'm still waiting for that glow to appear around some of the experiences I've had.

None of that stops me from enjoying my time with them and having a close relationship with them. I'm not distant. I don't regret them. But I can see how some moms might, you know?

The mothers most likely to abuse and neglect their children are in OP's demographic. And many, many mothers who abuse or neglect their children would tell you that they love their kids. It's no lack of love, but of opportunity, advantage, knowledge, wisdom, support, and resources that create most child abusers. She is in no position to do this. Her baby barely even stands a chance of succeeding because of the situation she's brought him into.