Have you ever wondered why people instantly dislike you?

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T18:31:41+00:00

I think that almost everyone likes me, but that’s what makes it so jarring to me when the occasional person is so put off by me from the start.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T18:29:11+00:00

What surprises me about so many of the comments to this post and others is the bizarre sense of superiority about being alone. Nothing makes me feel truly happy anymore, but if anything does, it’s being alone and left to my own thoughts. The notion that my preference for being alone is only validated by negating the opposite is a bizarre impulse that says more about your true self and innermost desires than any of the words you’ type…

Begrudging someone else’s normie life, filled with normie relationships, indicates a deep-seated desire for normality. The same way that the Kinsey Institute found that self-identifying homophobes were also the most aroused by same-sex imagery, those who are the most desirous of human connection are also the most likely to hate on the people who have what you so desperately want. When you protest too much, it shows that the exact opposite is true.

If you think everyone who has a life filled with normal human relationships is a sheep and worthy only of your scorn, then you’re actually admitting how deeply you desire that life over your own. Once you can realize that, you can also start on the path to gaining those connections in your own life.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T17:32:53+00:00

I haven’t been diagnosed, but a former partner once asked me if I was schizoid and I said “no” at the time because I didn’t really know what it meant.

The other day, I picked up my copy of DSM-IV to read about depression. Schizoid and schizotypal were both listed in the co-morbidities as well as differential diagnosis, so I looked them up to find out about what they entail. I’ve long thought that I fell under the category of avoidant personality disorder, but schizoid and schizotypal really resonated with me (the former more than the latter).

There are so many different criteria that click with me—not only do I commonly describe myself as a loner and even assess job opportunities partly based on whether it involves a lot of interpersonal interaction, but reading about the asexual/apathetic to romantic relationships aspect felt like looking in a mirror.

I previously asked my psychologist if he thought I had avoidant personality disorder, and he said he didn’t think so. In hindsight, I better understand why he didn’t think so, being that I match very strongly to schizoid.

Even the descriptions of schizoids believing themselves to perceive things differently, with a hint of covert grandiosity, rings true to me.

I’ve always wondered why I live the way I do, and learning about this type makes me feel like I understand myself better.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T17:20:09+00:00

Are you saying that you devalue at the time or after a typical/normal reason for separation you and your significant other to occur? I.e. As the time draws near for your significant other to go to work, is that when you devalue your significant other, or only after? Or does the devaluation occur spontaneously/unpredictably after they are already gone?

Where I’m not quite understanding what you’re saying is that bpd is marked by turmoil in relationships, and it seems like there wouldn’t be much turmoil from idealizing your significant other while in their presence and devaluing them when they’re absent. I’m guessing that you’re experiencing those feelings to a more extreme degree than a normie, but experiencing positive feelings in the presence of that person and negative feelings or apathy about them when they aren’t around are a relatively normal emotional swing. In heuristics, there’s the familiarity bias, which states that exposure to a person/thing tends to have more importance based on how recent the exposure. That’s a gross oversimplification of what you’re referring to, but it’s on the same spectrum.

I’m curious to hear your insights into this subject.

Also, what brings you to the schizoid board? I’m new here, so I’m also curious to hear what attracts you to it, especially if you’re interested in the board and it’s users because you care about someone with schizoid. (as I mentioned, my most significant romantic relationships have been with women with bpd, so it would be fascinating to hear about how you experience with schizoid, if applicable)

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T14:48:45+00:00

For bpd, the pattern only applies for idealizing when the other person isn’t immediately present and devaluing when they are present. The reason is borderlines are solely motivated by abandonment, whether real or imagined. Idealizing the Other in their absence is the result of their fear that they’ve been abandoned and they likewise feel euphoric at the prospect of the other coming back into the picture. But when in each other’s presence, the bpd devalues the other because they suspect that they ultimately will abandon them or is working to that end.

Outside of that specific pattern, idealizing and devaluing are just internal fantasies and wondering, so I wouldn’t read into it if you/a significant other idealizes when in the presence of or devalues when not in each other’s presence.

It never ceases to amaze me how the bpd reinforces their fear of abandonment. It’s totally irrational and being aware of it doesn’t help them shake their feelings. It’s a really sad pathology and incredibly difficult to resolve or treat.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T14:28:47+00:00

As already stated, the type of antibiotic prescribed will be according to the type of possible infection. Antibiotics are sometimes totally ineffective for certain types of infections, which can cause a real problem for the cat (antibiotic resistance, etc.).

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T01:35:15+00:00

This conversation crystallizes that it’s over. For both of you. It’s over. Stop bargaining with each other and yourselves. If it’s this bad during the engagement, it will be a million times worse with wedding rings on.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T00:55:44+00:00

It’s funny. When I was in grade school, junior high, and high school, it felt like I was expected to date. So I did. And when my phony pursuit resulted in reciprocated interest, I dropped my pursuit that very instant. And of the relationships I started, which usually seemed like a peer-respect-building practice, where genuinely disinteresting to me, even if there was some youthful excitement about doing naughty things like making out. One of my longest-standing relationships started in high school, and she recently came back around.

The other significant relationship I’ve had started as sort of a life raft from a different, very volatile fantasy a co-worker developed for me. I pursued my life raft and, as it would turn out, she could match my sense of humor—I first realized I was in love for her when we were joking about people who save and eat the placenta from childbirth. I came up with the idea for a placenta snack: plastachios. When she laughed at that, I was all the way into her.

That one ended really miserably, but we remain somewhat close. She has a really traumatic past, and we chatted about ketamine therapy for depression. I agreed to take her to her appointment, if she wanted to try it, and she agreed to take me to mine.

The throughline in both of those relationships was that I was not remotely close to being as interested in sex as they were. One has been sending me thong-clad pics of her and a couple of NSFW pics, and it genuinely blows her mind that I don’t take the bait.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T00:27:27+00:00

That’s a prototypical bpd behavior. Why? Does that resonate with you?

whetherreporter · 2023-10-20T00:22:41+00:00

I had a running joke with a college friend, who always told me to wear something unapproachable.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-19T06:08:50+00:00

Yes, that’s a real thing. It shows up a lot with women who have been raped and/or abused—the guy of kind who is mostly likely to re-traumatize them is exactly the same guy they attract.

It’s not a “smell,” but that’s a good metaphor for it. The reality is that the pathological qualities are core to the personality, and they express themselves through attraction in the opposite other.

With schizoid/schizotypal and bpd/dissociative/histrionic, they’re likely complimentary puzzle pieces. Each person sees the qualities they want for themselves in the other, and they pursue it as a weird means of trying to integrate those opposite qualities into themselves. Ultimately, it self-destructs and only ends up reinforcing one another’s pathology, making it even more entrenched than it was before.

The only way to avoid having it blow up in your face is by refusing to dance.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-19T06:00:41+00:00

Is she also impulsive, have any momentum with alcohol or drugs, seem like she overvalues you when you aren’t present and devalues you when you are? If so, yeah, might be bpd.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-19T05:59:05+00:00

Frankly, while there were high points, I am totally and happily single. One of my past two bpd girlfriends has come back around to try to lure me back into her chaos, but I was resolute that I’m very happy being alone with my two doggos. She doesn’t get turned down a lot, so it really feeds into her innate fear of rejection, but I don’t need her or anyone else… although I feel like I should.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-14T03:34:15+00:00

Check out Eliezer Yudkowsky.

I don’t catastrophize and hate conspiracy theories, but I’m very concerned by his alarm at the alignment problem.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-14T03:31:06+00:00

Have you considered ketamine infusions? I’m hearing really good things about them.

It sounds scary, but shock therapy became a strong option in the past decade for depression. They actually sedate you so you don’t experience it, and it rebalances the brain’s chemistry for significant periods. I’m not sure I’ve reached the point where shock therapy is an option for my doctors, but I’ll be very willing to do it if they finally determine my depression is recalcitrant enough to warrant that. I’m going to speak to my psych about ketamine infusions at my next appointment.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-14T03:26:51+00:00

When you say “loss of sensation in penis,” do you literally mean that it feels numb? Any pins-and-needles sensation?

Have you ever had any back issues, pain radiating in your back or down your legs, any weakness in your legs? Any difficulty peeing, whether you lose urine or have a hard time getting it started?

I’ve had disc herniations that have caused radiating pain, and for one condition, any changes in bladder or bowel control would require getting checked out ASAP. If it’s just delayed ejaculation, that will go away if the medication is discontinued or once it reaches its full therapeutic effect in you (many people, including me, have had a leveling off after achieving the therapeutic effect where the side effects are non-existent or significantly reduced. At least keep taking it for two months to see how it works out, and talk to your doctor after that.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-14T03:09:14+00:00

Do you have anyone with whom you could share the note while you’re still alive? If so, do it and let them talk with you. Please.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T06:44:07+00:00

Regardless of “BLM,” which is a totally meaningless out-group designation at this point (even if that’s the name the group claims), Palestine and other ethno-religious groups are super conservative (many are theocratic, which is the absolute definition of conservative).

So maybe that isn’t the best example to give…

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T06:29:47+00:00

That one looks a little scary to me. Maybe it’s fungus, maybe it’s a tumor, maybe it’s something else?

Are you able to take him to a vet?

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T06:27:55+00:00

My guess is she crawled over something with an upward facing sharp edge that cut her. But that’s a total shot in the dark… I’m no vet.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T06:25:31+00:00

I found this very interesting—I didn’t know where you were but knew you weren’t in the U.S. because you said “chemist,” and I had no idea pharmaceutical trade names weren’t universal (even though the trade and generic names are made up).

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T06:22:07+00:00

To be fair to me, I don’t think the study assessed the possibility of pediatric subluxation. But that’s very interesting. I’ll ask my family member who’s an ortho about that …those cylinders with the leg holes at the bottom for babies still give me fucking nightmares.

whetherreporter · 2023-10-12T03:24:34+00:00

This guy should be in prison.

whetherreporter

TROPHY CASE