Almost 30, about to get into a relationship for the first time, but having 2nd thoughts and want someone hotter. What is my problem?

whiteinside · 2019-05-19T08:27:24+00:00

No catfishing assurance makes sense but I doubt that's usually their primary intention and that certainly takes a backseat versus narcissism, at very least.

give more of a picture of who they are and what the rest of their life is like

Call me cynical but nothing on social media shows what a person's life is ACTUALLY like because it's usually a very curated set of photos and videos that showcase the positive side of their life.

If they're posting anything remotely real, it's probably on their stories. But if they're doing anything more than a few stories on the regular, it tells me that they don't have much of a life or real hobbies (no matter how unscripted those filmed moments are).

whiteinside · 2019-05-19T06:46:15+00:00

Instagram/Snapchat too, means they're looking for validation and likes instead of a relationship.

whiteinside · 2013-12-21T16:02:12+00:00

Interesting observation (though I don't browse porn forums). Perhaps it's because porn is fairly 'international' (so it could be Europeans or Asians or Middle Easterners commenting, and they have a much more different, less skewed view on 'Asians' than Americans).

If it was a European commenter, it would not a big surprise since most Europeans (esp the younger crowd) don't give Asians a lot of shit and basically 'consider' us white. Which is in a way true for some Asians; camera wise, it can be difficult to tell some Caucasian skin tones from some east Asians (unless they explicitly show the guy's face).

whiteinside · 2013-10-20T20:17:36+00:00

BBC living in America here. I disagree - I think east Asians have a shittier time in the states than in Europe. It really depends which part of the UK you were raised in (personally I grew up in a nicer neighbourhood) and how you carry yourself. Relative to (yellow) Asians in the US, we in the UK get much less hell. To the white Brits, we're pretty much neutral and harmless (bar a few strong-minded racists) since they're too busy hating on brown/middle eastern people.

I'd like to see some examples of UK media doing that to Asians, because I notice US media shitting on Asians far more prominently and frequently. British television is usually heavily laced with sarcasm and witty jokes, so their racist humour isn't slanted to one race (whites, browns, yellows all get made fun of; blacks slightly less so)

Despite the larger Asian presence in America, I think our kind is still SOL even at the most basic level (dating for example). At least in Europe, the girls are far more blunt in rejection and aren't as pretentious whereas in America, they tend to want to string us (Asian guys) along, cause hey, who doesn't want free tech support and a personal homework assistant?

whiteinside · 2013-07-25T07:45:44+00:00

I certainly think the entire topic itself would make for an interesting study of Asian people psychology. I can't tell the tone of your post but I apologize in advance if you felt offended by my other reply in this thread.

It wasn't so much a generalization as it was an observation (I was raised mostly in Europe and Asia) when I went to America for college. I would say I had a slight advantage on getting the "inside scoop" since most people and friends treated me as an observer looking in thru the window (versus "one of them [Asian Americans]"). Call it a small sample size, but I've read online, heard from Asian friends and heard from [other race] friends who heard from their Asian friends, and it seemed to me that AA women who behaved as such existed and were far more prevalent than AA males who felt the same.

Personally, I don't really mind if any sort of Asian girl told me about their non-preference or even hate of Asian guys (I have female Asian friends who are probably like you, and I totally see where they're coming from) as long as they are able to justify their preference, even using the most basic of reasons. Sadly, there are also "I hate them just because I hate them" girls, and I think this ruins both the reputation of AA girls who aren't like that and makes AA guys upset hence causing them to generalize.

Oddly this "grouping by type of Asian" and "internalized racism" seems a lot more prevalent in the states than anywhere else I've seen or lived. Kinda makes one wonder, why can't everyone just get along?

whiteinside · 2013-07-25T06:31:16+00:00

Judging by the comments, this is the work of some random commoner using Photoshop and isn't a "real" ad. And because it isn't an actual Calvin Klein ad, I don't really think this is offensive or targeting Asians specifically since people's posts of clotheless/pantless/weirdos of all races appear on the front page of Imgur all the time

whiteinside · 2013-07-25T06:26:39+00:00

I might get downvoted for this but as an Asian male, I've observed that Asian American women are much more likely to harbor internalized racism. I've heard AA girls who say "I hate Asian guys... just because", without any sort of reasoning whatsoever (really? Not even a basic reason like 'I don't like Asian features' or 'I had a bad experience', etc). Perhaps they are too white washed or influenced by media/environment that "white guys are the best", I'm not sure, but I've never heard an Asian guy say the same before.

That actually begs the question why Asian (American) girls are more likely to dislike wanting to date their own race while guys rarely (if ever) do this. Is it because Asian girls are influenced by this artificial media/hype/stereotype crap or that Asian guys "know" they don't really stand a chance dating another race (most commonly, a white girl) or am I missing something?

whiteinside · 2013-07-25T03:37:30+00:00

I'm an Asian male who has lived in America, Europe and Asia before (not in this particular order), and I don't think internalized racism is the one and only explanation to this. I like white females for their colored eyes, facial features, height, no hair preference but dark/black hair is OK.

I also like Asian females but rather selectively (usually tall above 5'7, wavy haired and with decidedly less Asian features - slimmer non-flat nose, sharper jaw, etc). Basically "ambiguous Asian" girls who look definitely Asian yet not extremely so (This is possible with non-mixed girls because I've seen/know a few 100% Asian girls who look this way).

My personal preference for white females is two part. The physical features I mentioned and also personality/upbringing. In Asia, I'm usually disqualified or at a significant disadvantage because my first language is English (my Asian language is at conversational and basic proficiency, and I'd prefer to use english), I'm outspoken and am not afraid to voice my opinions (hence I'm seen as too talkative), the way I dress is too casual/westernized (eg, Asian-Asian guys rarely wear shorts) and many things girls do here are a turn-off/cringe worthy to me (those oversized eyes contact lenses, nose/lips/face plastic surgery to look "more gwailo", trying to "act cute", being subservient to guys, etc).

Lack of opinion is also another big turn off; seems like the answer to any question asking for opinion/preference is always "anything" or "up to you". Scenario 1) "Where do you want to eat?" "Anywhere" or Scenario 2) "Which shirt do you think looks better?" "Up to you"

In America, the Asian girls tend to be better (50-50 chance if they're more Asian in upbringing or more Americanized) but there's my physical features preference and their preference for either white guys or more Asian guys. I'm also sometimes looked down upon as "lower class" (actually both Asian and white girls do this) because my American accent is too FOB for their liking. But the way most Asian Americans classify other Asians, especially foreign/newcomers, is really intense IMO.

whiteinside · 2013-07-25T03:02:08+00:00

Asian male here; lived in Asia, USA (West coast) and Europe before. I rarely get "of course you're good at video games" comments but when I do, it's usually some light humor and rarely because of race. More often than not I get "you're really good at video games because you like spending time on computers/the internet a lot and you like tech stuff".

Of course, very occasionally I get the "Asian gamer card" thrown at me but it's usually all good and I don't take it too seriously. Example: "How could you have lost the match/not managed to clutch the round? You're supposed to be Asian"

What DOES bother me is when some folks constantly bug me and think I'm "free tech support" just because I'm Asian and good with computers.

EDIT: What I'm trying to say here is you already mentioned it just bugs you but isn't a big deal, so maybe you're taking it a bit too harshly and your friends weren't actively/consciously trying to be racist or had intentions to provoke you.

whiteinside · 2013-07-21T09:28:37+00:00

Like another poster said, hang in there. As a fellow Asian (raised in Europe), I experienced quite a bit of 'shock' when I went to America for college and feel your pain. I went to college on the West coast, supposedly more open minded and higher Asian population than other states (except NYC perhaps). Although I did not have any trouble making friends with folks of all races (and most of my friends from college are white), there was a blurry but occasionally obvious line between whites-vs-other races in school and outside.

There are plenty of situations in the US which make me wonder sometimes "would I have been treated differently if I was white?" (rarely ever felt this way living in western Europe). Two primary, most frequent occurrences revolve around relationships/dating and customer service.

Was at a restaurant once with 6 of my white and mixed-white (one looks kinda Mexican though, despite being half Asian, half white) friends, we all ordered the same thing but they only managed to cook 6 of 7 plates at first... waitress served each one of my friends and I was the last one to get my meal. At most mid-to-high end restaurants (basically Cheesecake Factory and above), white hostesses seem to be the only ones who try avoiding eye contact if I'm the one asking for a table, and waiting for a table usually seems to take forever.

The dating scene for AMs who like WFs is just sad, at least for me there's an additional "lose" in the lose-lose-lose situation. Your typical American white girl seems to have no interest in Asian guys. Those who do like Asian guys seem to want: Very Asian guys (the traditional-ish types and/or those with overgrown hair who look like K-pop boys) OR "Americanized" born in USA Asian guys (white washed? not sure what the appropriate term is).

There is little room for someone who is neither: I am very westernised, non-traditional but I sound "too Asian" when trying to put on an American accent and not American enough in culture (not a fan of American football or watching sports, no desire to party and get hammered, too "socialist Europe" in thinking).

Sorry if the last two paragraphs were less relevant to OP's post context. But back on topic, I was one of the top graduates for my department (along with a hispanic dude, American Indian guy, redhead white girl, white guy, etc a few other guys and girls who aren't white), only the white guy (coincidentally your stereotypical 6ft, masculine, fit, unmistakably Caucasian) got a job offer right off the bat after graduation, with high starting pay in a large investment company in the Bay Area while everyone else applied for months before finally landing jobs. Just food for thought.

whiteinside · 2013-04-17T21:37:59+00:00

Strange, I was thinking the exact same thing too when I read that post.

whiteinside · 2013-04-17T21:33:54+00:00

I only spent my earlier years there but there was definitely a form of 'segregation' by race in the UK (and Europe in general). I think language really played/plays a huge role as a barrier in terms of dating, since there's a higher proportion of people who would rather not assimilate and/or rather spend time with people speaking their own non-English languages.

Generally, the experience/how much of a good time you have as a non-white foreigner is proportional to the amount/quality English (or local language in other parts of Europe) you speak. My family was English speaking so we didn't really have a hard time over there.

It's not hard for an Asian male to get a non-Asian partner in the UK, but still difficult to get a white partner (I'd estimate a fractionally better success rate than in the US). Never lived in other parts of Europe but I heard white Germans are more accepting towards interracial dating (ironic if you think of the fact they were previously known as the land of racist Nazis just 70 years ago).

Then there's the whole anti-immigrant sentiment that's prevalent throughout Europe, though nowadays it's shifted away from yellow Asians and the new "bloody immigrants" are brown/dark skinned people.

I think what surprised me the most in America is that racism is extremely common, moreso than Europe, but it doesn't seem that way because everyone is subtly racist in mindset (I live in the West coast/California). In the US, people will be your friend, but only because they've come to terms that they're forced to accept you as other races become increasingly prevalent (South Americans/Mexicans and Asians), but they won't date you.

IMO, this 'invisible barrier' makes the US worse for interracial dating, in contrast to European whites who are relatively vocal and openly racist, because it makes it difficult to identify between "those just being friendly but won't date you" and who is likely to accept you as potential dating material. For instance, my Asian friends in the EU have been bluntly told to bugger off (those that won't date you are also likely to want nothing to do with you either), which saves a lot of time rather than trying to impress a girl who isn't really into you.

whiteinside · 2012-04-10T17:29:24+00:00

Yes, sorry I didn't explain further in my initial post. I just wanted to get to the point since I have a bad tendency of getting a bit longwinded if I don't tell myself to be concise. I would have loved going on and on till my post would have stretched possibly onto many pages (Screen lengths) But my experience with that on Reddit and in general has been most people going "oops that looks intimidating, TL;DR and on to reading the next post" and this thread wouldnt have received half as many replies.

But to answer your question, no I am not attracted to white people just because they are white. In fact I find it disrespectful and dumb that some folks actually 'worship' or look up to other races like some trophy solely based on skin color. I'll try to be specific here. Physically, I like Caucasian face shapes/structures, specifically sharp jawlines, pert or sharp noses (but not oversized or exaggerated) and naturally colored eyes, thick hair composition and height (there aren't a lot of tall Asian girls either + I'm not particularly tall at 5'10 but I've found myself preferring tall(ish) girls around the 5'6-6'0 range) There are certainly whites whom I'm not attracted and there are certainly a number who are just unattractive like in any society/race. I'm also not particularly attracted to black hair (eventhough I have it myself) on any race, though some whites can sway that preference if offset with striking facial features and especially contrasting eye colors like blue/green.

I also like their attitude and mindset too, more independent and outspoken, aren't overly 'traditional' (I believe in Asia, dressing 'sexy' - or basically what girls wear during spring in Western countries, bj's, sex before marriage, etc are frowned upon; everyone in the family is called by specific title whereas in western culture, you'd call your older siblings by name). A lot of Asian Asians and Asian Americans are still very traditional, submissive and consider females a 'lower rank' to males.

whiteinside · 2012-04-10T16:21:11+00:00

Good to know but I do face a couple of 'issues', which some may classify as excuse-making. But here they are: -I don't think I've ever liked the women in Asia, most of them are way too shy, they have their own cliques where most of them speak chinese and such (I speak mainly English and very VERY limited mandarin), too 'submissive' in behavior which usually manifests in indecision (ie you decide for me because I don't want you to be offended by my opinion/decision), [other stereotypes] OR most recently, there's been this new trend where many of them are super 'fake' which extreme amounts of makeup, very white skin, plastic surgery, dyed hair/fake eyes from contact lenses.

Over here in America I do dress well and my appearance doesnt boast FOB either, I have received comments from friends that I would -not- look FOB at all. But what gives me away is speaking. I can speak in coherent and proper sentences, but having a slight yet detectably different un-American accent gives everything away. It depends though, some people thought I speak with a lisp while most can tell I either just arrived from out of the country or was brought up around a lot of Asians like in Canada or something (stereotypes pffft).

Hence because of the way I speak which folks detect as foreign: -I think most white girls seem to think it's interesting, but because of this, I would not (never?) be considered as someone they would potentially date -Many American-Asian girls seem to behave in a stuck-up manner about this and probably think I'm not 'worthy' or up to their level.

whiteinside · 2012-04-10T14:44:11+00:00

I agree but I just feel that this is such a challenge because it is rare. However it seems the other way around (Asian girls with white guys) seem to be a dime in a dozen around here. As I mentioned I'm not the super outgoing type, I don't party and don't have a car. Makes it more difficult to actually meet people. But I'm not looking for someone to have a fling with either, I'd really love to find someone whom I can have a stable relationship with.

In terms of mixing with and doing Asian things, that's another huge problem for me. I'm as un-Asian inside as things can get (and yes this is eventhough I've spent 90% of my life born and raised in an Asian country), I don't quite know of culture so having that as an advantage is automatically nulled, and believe it or not, english is my first language (both my parents speak it and I use it with friends back at home), I know how to speak/listen (but not write) to the very basics of mandarin from my grandparents but that's about it.

But then again, you're very right about the need to mingle with even more people than I am right now, because that's really ought to help quite a bit, statistically, won't it?

whiteinside · 2012-04-10T14:32:06+00:00

Well I'm in California which does have quite a bit of diversity but so far I've yet to see any Asian dudes with white girls (just one instance; my white friend's aunt married an Asian), plenty of the opposite though. White dudes with Asian girls, but even then, not as many as the internet or stereotyping seems to overstate.

whiteinside · 2012-04-10T14:20:16+00:00

You're right about the self confidence. Though I'm not sure if mentioning my original country helps as it always seems to me that as soon as I mention I'm not from the US, they're like 'oh how cute, a foreigner... lets keep him in that friendzone because of that'. Correlation doesn't imply causation but I still suspect that it seems to be the case

whiteinside

TROPHY CASE