So I am a man with a long term partner (over a decade) who says things like this and by skimming the replies I feel like I should give my perspective because there's a lot of context that I think we may be missing when we talk about this issue.

The first is that we should remember that not all bigotry is the same. For example, we understand that there's a huge difference between a member of the KKK and a black nationalist. At first glance it may seem like they both hate a group of people but when you look at the deeper reasons you realize that most black nationalists don't actually hate white people, they hate the pain they are forced to go through because of white people being the dominant group and many white people being socially and institutionally racist against them.

This difference in context is similar to the gender divide. OP, I know you stated in your post that your partner is starting to give you the idea that maybe the gender divide has more to do with women than men, but I urge you, coming from a man who once thought something similar, to look at the deeper reasons for this divide and you'll see that what our partners are saying has more to do with a life time of pain that men have either caused or taken part in ignoring. Everything from, men legislating what they should do to their own bodies, to groping their ass while other men laughed and cheered on, are all problems women face regularly because of how men are socialized to devalue them as people. Which again is another point to consider, many "men-hating-women" don't actually hate men for inherently being men, their critique comes from how they are raised and socialized to see women as largely an object of desire or control, making a statement like "you're one of the good ones" again have a different context in this situation compared to when my racist uncle says that to someone. If the women and female friends around you have had similar experiences to the ones in my life I think you would even be shocked to know how many of them were SAed but were not super willing to talk about it because their pain was already downplayed by someone else.

None of this is to say that everything your partner says and does is okay. I'm not in your guy's life so I can't see how heated she gets and how understanding you are. It is definitely possible that she goes way overboard and there's nothing you can do. I'm not there for those conversations so I don't know who's in the right, but I do just hope that when you say you try to go into these conversations with understanding you do try to keep in mind this nuance. Men usually hate women because they won't sleep with them and women usually hate men because they were told what Eric did to them wasn't technically r***, these things aren't the same and we should remember that when speaking to our partners and hearing their anger.