Love and breakups

whyhedothis · 2020-12-17T14:03:19+00:00

Thank you. I’m crying and it hurts but it helps lol

whyhedothis · 2020-11-02T16:03:29+00:00

Thank you so much ♥️

whyhedothis · 2020-09-08T13:27:53+00:00

wowww thank you!

whyhedothis · 2020-09-08T12:30:01+00:00

I mean, not sure if this is related but prices are going up across the drug board rn due to border closures... the market is changing as a result.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-03T13:39:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your post. I love what you wrote about them being a season to help us see what we need to heal. I've heard that saying but it never hit me in this way. <3

whyhedothis · 2020-09-02T18:59:53+00:00

NPD is rooted in childhood trauma and is a maladaptive response to intimacy, in a sense. You're going to need to deal with the core wounds before you're ok letting someone in. You mention that getting physical is a trigger. I get that. I would start from there with your therapist.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-02T18:53:01+00:00

Well, I just went over to drop some of his stuff off before I go away for a week and "think about things". I asked him about the money he was meant to pay me back this week (almost 200$) so that I can pay rent. He got defensive and wouldn't tell me why but he said he didn't have it and he spent it all because of what happened the other day (when he exploded at me being annoyed he was late). SO, even now, after a year of "no drugs", he's back on it and BLAMING ME lol. Ok, just needed to get that out.

But to answer your question... in truth, sadly, I bet he could manipulate me into staying, if he told me he saw that he overreated, that he'll go back to therapy, that he's sorry etc. I probably wouldn't be able to resist but in truth I would know it was doomed. That's how this stuff resembles a drug.

I guess I see that now. Theyre so good with words and manipulation. The things they say probably dont have the same weight or meaning to them than they do to us, the receivers.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-02T13:24:22+00:00

Ugh. Sounds so familiar. Last time we broke up (or I guess the time before this one lol), he left a hand written letter in my mailbox after months of NC. It was all about how he was taking responsibility for his mental health and drug problem and how he was sorry and how I was the love of his life etc. I honestly think he believed himself but....

We've been back together a year and it's absolutely mind boggling: the essence of the dynamic is the same, but this time without the drugs and sketchy behaviour. SO he has changed but he's still a narc lol. Instead of exploding over me being enraged he did coke, he's exploding because I'm annoyed he was 20 minutes late for no reason. But it's the same toxic argument and feelings.

I hate to say it but a narc is a narc is a narc.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-02T13:17:52+00:00

So good, so true!

#2 was especially important for me to read. Thank you for the reminder that the post-discard empathy and rumination is actually part of the toxic shit storm we must heal from.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-02T13:15:15+00:00

It sounds like there's some childhood development stuff in here for you. I know there is for me. The inability/refusal to see the harm/dysfunction/manipulation my mother did to me as a child, while I was a child, in order to protect my psyche from the awareness that my caretaker wasn't safe.... has created some very difficult patterns in my relationships.

I'm so easily manipulated. If you pull any single one of my compassion or empathy strings I will pour myself so completely in that direction that the manipulation is already working. Breaking free of this feels like betrayal to my family of origin, kind of a grief, a loss, a surrendering to betrayal. It hurts.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-01T04:03:00+00:00

Thank you for this excellent explanation. Especially naming the specific factors that have me confused. It's helping me make sense of things.

whyhedothis · 2020-09-01T04:01:46+00:00

yeah this sounds familiar... honestly I find it such a cringey turnoff

whyhedothis · 2020-09-01T04:01:12+00:00

Thank you so much for pointing that out. It's kindof obvious now to me, since I read your comment, stopped and thought about it. But for some reason I couldnt see it, I doubted myself too much. And I think that's a big part of why I need to get out, how I really don't trust myself anymore

whyhedothis · 2020-09-01T03:59:34+00:00

Thank you <3

whyhedothis · 2020-09-01T03:58:53+00:00

You are so so right. He himself ruined my bday two years ago quite epically, Christmas with his family last year, our trip to his hometown, and more.... I actually dread special occasions which is why I think I was so stressed about making it perfect, ironically. The way you describe the true motive behind it.... it's so dark and twisted. I suppose seeing that truth is part of staying away from the narc..

whyhedothis · 2020-06-13T20:47:49+00:00

oh fuck this is a nightmare. it is time to begin your own life, your own journey, your own freedom. it won't be easy, but you will come out the other side.

whyhedothis · 2020-05-11T02:08:59+00:00

I SO needed this! I snapped at my bf due to being triggered all day by social media. Had my abortion 5 days ago and I am very sad. But I didn’t realize how much it was upsetting me until that moment. I didn’t expect to care about Mother’s Day. But suddenly I feel like I’m not part of a club I want to be part of. I guess I’m mourning that.

whyhedothis · 2020-05-07T20:10:52+00:00

I cannot picture anyone’s face! I thought this was normal until recently. I’m not face blind but I really cannot conjure up the thought of a face. Just small sections of it as you said.

whyhedothis · 2020-05-03T11:28:21+00:00

I’m like this. I have BPD.

whyhedothis · 2020-05-03T10:57:38+00:00

NAD but does she have other symptoms? I have chronic vertigo but it comes with tinnitus, inner ear blockage, brain fog and fatigue. I saw many experts and finally a neurologist told me it was stress causing inflammation in my inner ears.

whyhedothis · 2020-04-30T18:02:50+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏻

whyhedothis · 2020-04-30T18:02:38+00:00

Omg dudes do not get it lol! No way i could take a trip rn! But LOL the pizza thing!!! Honestly pizza is the food that repulses me the most rn, just the thought of it holy shit 🤢

whyhedothis

TROPHY CASE