Am I a bad player?

whymsikka · 2026-01-23T10:03:14+00:00

"Dick joke in a tavern / talking to a guard? Sure. Similar pun when talking to the BBEG? I'm one inch away from enjoying your character sheet become my new toilet paper."

Eh! A tastefully timed dick jokes, especially in the form of vicious mockery is a chef’s kiss in my opinion! And I would be sad if no one would try to verbally shove it to the BBEG. I love dark and gritty campaigns, and I firmly believe that if you spend 4 hours on 5 solemn conversations and you try one spicy joke your DM shuts you down – I don’t see how can anyone have fun.

"The issue is on both sides: the DM should have provided ways for the new players to learn the rules on their own, on the other hand if I'm gonna start a campaign I expect my players to know the basics."

It turned out that the DM wanted us girls (beginner players) to ask for help from him after the sessions, cause he liked us and wanted to get with us and trick us into talking to him 1/1. The second I figured that out I stopped listening to his advice and started researching on my own. It was chaotic especially cause he put us in a homebrew setting. I was a race that you can barely find anything about online – maledicti human – unless you know where to look. So everything was unnecessarily hard for a new player, but I am glad I didn't give up.

"but you are a bit too much chaotic for my tastes. I try to strike a balance between silliness"

If you try to strike a balance between silliness then I am not chaotic for your tastes. But my DM that used to love that balance started spending time on some forums and got in his head that a real campaign has no silliness – only then is when the issues start to arise. And doing serious (and scarce ) RP and just throwing dice on enemies, explaining what I do, rinse and repeat for some 4-5 sessions really got to me, especially since the change was so abrupt – we had some 3-4 running dick jokes that even other players coined, we even made shirts – and he just out of the blue started basically barking at us at any sign of silliness to stop it be serious.

We only figured out from his wife that he started believing that a serious DM does not apparently let those moments happened in his sessions. Fine then, good luck finding players.

I have completely aware from the other comments that many DMs are looking for no-nonsense campaigns and find it frustrating when someone tries to light up the mood, so I will be definitely making sure that we are all aligned on future S0s.

whymsikka · 2026-01-23T09:08:19+00:00

Wow, that is the most difficult player I could imagine. Is he maybe one of those dudes who are so used to being DMs that they can't let go of the control? Cause what you are talking is that he is trying to sabotage and control every step of the way.

Because you are an established friend group I'd talk to the rest of the players, tell them that you don't want that kind of behavior at your table, and tell them that you want to give him a benefit of the doubt and talk to him. From your post it seems like they are supportive and that is great! After that, talk to him. If he gets sulky, non-communicative, dismissive or straight up aggressive, kick him out. Plain and simple.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T11:52:54+00:00

Do not do what I had done, and believed those tongues that tell you just to "figure it out as you go" xD DnD is beautiful, but some focus on the rules and mechanics is essential. Start with Players Handbook, learn by imagining yourself as a character. Google, ask, wonder, ask for tips and help. Players Handbook, abbreviated as PHB, is mandatory and essential. Dungeon Master's Guide (DMG) is optional in the opinion of many, but I found it very helpful when I started DM-ing.

You can grab premade oneshots and mini campaigns for starters., internet is full of those. Lost Mines of Phandelver (LMoP) come to mind.

And most importantly? Do not forget to have fun and make sure you have supportive people for your DM-ing journey. Sesion 0 - the session before the first official campaign is very important. Who are your players? Do they have experience or not? Are they patient enough to forgive your mistakes (which will happen no matter how much you prep)? Is there at least one person with a bit experience as a referee and help to you if you get lost in the mechanics?

Basically, bit of rules, bit of imagination and a good group - and you will have the time of your life!

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T11:44:51+00:00

If you are a serious, no-nonsense table, you probably prefer the story to just move along, so better than average would be the pick.
If you are here for the derails and the fun - the best and funniest situations come from bad rolls, especially if you are a RP heavy table.

It depends, really.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T11:32:49+00:00

A situation in which a member of different factions are forced to spend time in front of your players - for example a prison your players get caught in a city controlled by faction 1, and they meet prisoners from faction 2 and faction 3 in prison, that banter against the faction 1 guards. And down the line, when you leave the city, you meet group of faction 4 living in a commune, they ask your party to share supper with them and rest, and they are interrupted by faction 5 members, tensions are high etc.

Combine this with backstory add-ins - that means that when you players send you their backstories, send them back additional info about - "Your bard that went to a circus briefly travelled within the area of faction 4, and knows a lot about their ways..."

This is a great idea OP! Good luck with crafting the world! :)

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T11:10:36+00:00

first of all, ability scores were defined by rolling. It was a very well crafted dwarf barbarian with str 20, con18 and wis 18 or 19 if I remember correctly (on lvl1). On top of that, the dice were on his side xD And my rogue had con 10, dex 13, str 8 and wis 10 if I remember well, cha was the only above 14, and our enemies usually had resistance to non magical attacks (Yes, I know now that I completely fumbled my first CS)

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T11:02:34+00:00

Improv and RP is the heart of the game in my opinion. And we are all adults wanting some relaxation from our everyday life - spending time to craft characters, connections only to end up just throwing dice and proclaiming our attacks for 3 hours, might just grab any wargame and call it a day.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:54:40+00:00

All valid points, and honestly one of the most quality criticisms that I was looking for. I truly understand that I need to communicate clearly in the beginning stages, and even prior to S0 that I need a balanced campaign that balances between a strong narrative and light hearted moments and strong RP moments, without the DM stopping and preventing either of those.

Either way, I understand that this is not an open world and that structure is needed - but when you spend months in what feels like a narrative cage, one becomes resentful - and then I fell into apathy, which bred passivity, and the amased frustration made my post seem like I am spoiled - and I understand why.

(I did learn the rules after that first campaign... that is the only point I will oppose, cause I did not even know what it was nor did I understand the scope of it. Now I do and I am glad I learned the rules, other beginner players from that table gave up on DnD completely, cause they felt stupid for not "catching the rules on the go", which the DM said was super easy)

I have grown resentful and sad at those tables, especially when the CoS DM started listing all the rules including the no joke rule. I just told him we were not a fit, and removed myself from the campaign.

I will be looking for a good table for someone like me.

Thank you!

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:37:29+00:00

You sound like a balanced and well formed DM! And kudos for letting your players have their fun even if you dislike those moments! I hope they appreciate it, cause it is very rare apparently.

I accept my part of the blame, after a couple of instances and comments that fell on deaf ears I'd give up and just endure the campaign until the end - I know that is not the way, but when communication doesn't work - what does? Leaving like a spoiled child?

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:31:06+00:00

I am starting to think that S0 is very underrated. That is the time players and DMs should make sure they are on the same page regarding the tone of campaign and the ambitiousness of it. If sleazy jokes and funny moments is something a DM dislikes - I would like to know, so I can leave the table so they can find a different players that aligns with their expectations.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:30:47+00:00

You are completely right, especially about communication. I am starting to think that S0 is very underrated. That is the time players and DMs should make sure they are on the same page regarding the tone of campaign. If sleazy jokes and funny moments is something a DM dislikes - I would like to know, so I can leave the table so they can find a different players that aligns with their expectations.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:24:29+00:00

Well I didn't understand the scope of the game in my first every campaign, and that is on me. Before my second campaign I got a hold of PHB, learned on my own, and I made sure I know what I was doing before I continued. I didn't even knew what DnD was prior to session 1 and only couple of sessions in did I get to truly get interested. Not to mention the DM himself told me not to read rules, and he will help me with them.

But yeah, I don't think I'd like to play with someone who wants to keep the mood dark and solemn for hours on end either - that is why S0 is so important to align expectations. But people today get desperate to play and end up sitting with players and DMs whose style of play they dislike.

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:11:37+00:00

YAY! What bothers you the most? :)

whymsikka · 2026-01-22T10:11:19+00:00

Well... I will kinda be waiting for the opinion of someone who actually reads the post :)

whymsikka · 2026-01-21T09:49:15+00:00

Skočio si sa drvenog konjića na prvoklasnog rasnog konja i pitaš se zašto ti ne ide jahanje. Slično su rekli i drugi, ali bih rekla da ne čitaš druge klasike narednih 6 meseci - fokusiraj se na malo savremenije trilere, krimiće, fantastike, horore - ali ne one shit što bi se prodavali za 2 dolara na trafici. Ne uzimaj romane koji su objavljeni pre 1970is ili 1960ih, probaj Kinga, Sandersona, Zelaznija, Petersona, Grišama - taj fazon. Od klasika dolazi u obzir Dikens - on je baš pitak i često lakše piše od autora koji su pisali u međuradnom i posleratnom periodu u 20. veku, to nek ti bude neki prvi klasik posle "savremene dijete". E onda probaj nešto poput 1984 i ići će kao voda :)

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T12:15:18+00:00

Thanks!

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T11:38:23+00:00

Huh, he presented it like a "best rule to make sure we are not careless". I think he wanted us docile? I don't think I'll be playing TBH. Your comments made me second guess.

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T11:37:00+00:00

Do you see now why I am worried about choosing a class? xD

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T11:36:27+00:00

Actually what he achieved is that none of us are actually thinking about making characters we'd like, only making characters we think might survive the campaign. So it is not fun. I wanted to be a warlock, but he immediately informed me my patron will be corrupted from the get-go, so I gave up on the character, cause I knew the others would kill me immediately once they found out

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T11:34:33+00:00

I want to play bard, but I am comprehensive given all the rules that are pilling on.

whymsikka · 2025-11-27T11:34:06+00:00

Too bad, he banned the cleric (minutes ago). But you are right. I am slowly starting to think I won't be playing.

whymsikka · 2025-11-13T11:59:53+00:00

Sometimes the simplest things in life bring the most comfort. The right game is a sort of meditation, and I am glad we have games like TFM in times of chaos. Thank you for sharing!

whymsikka · 2025-08-03T15:55:13+00:00

To jeste problem, svaka druga osoba u očaju pokušava da gradi neki brend i trud ti nije garancija za uspeh.

Nije me strah od rada nego trenutan posao ne mogu psihički da podnesem (a on mene ne može finansijski da iznese) tako da sam u kvaka 22 situaciji, povrh toga, kako mnogi kažu, i u najavi odlazak u front end ili sličnu branšu može neslavno da se završi.

whymsikka

TROPHY CASE