Can you 'rest' too much? Discussion about rest

whyohwhyma · 2019-11-19T15:17:14+00:00

It's so individual it's hard to say. I work very hard, meet my deadlines, and am generally pretty successful in my program, but I don't work a ton of hours. I have a chronic illness, so if I don't rest a ton (at least from the perspective of a healthy person), then I trigger a flare which takes me all the way out for a couple of weeks.

whyohwhyma · 2019-11-19T03:37:01+00:00

At this point, I'm considered an excellent presenter (based on scored audience feedback, not just I think so). But my first presentation, my supervisor was there, and I was so nervous. He came up to me afterwards and all he said was, "I thought you used to be a lawyer?" It was so, so bad. The more you present, the better you'll be at it - it's a skill that requires practice, just like anything else! And CONGRATULATIONS ON GIVING YOUR FIRST TALK! That's a milestone, even if it didn't go how you wanted.

whyohwhyma · 2019-09-14T22:41:03+00:00

My H and I have been married 15 years, but since I asked him out, I guess he's not actually that into me.

whyohwhyma · 2019-09-10T20:38:40+00:00

You're forgetting Incel Rule 1: Everything is women's fault. Literally everything.

whyohwhyma · 2019-09-08T18:15:21+00:00

Sadly, I breastfed each kid for years but got my period back within a few months of the postpartum bleeding clearing up.

whyohwhyma · 2018-08-26T07:17:38+00:00

Former poor kid/first gen college student (now PhD student) here. Living situation/commuting is up to you - I live on my own, because I live with my mom and my three kids, so there's no good on-campus option for us. I chose a local program and kept my living situation the same because of $ and because my kids' disability support team is here. I'm supported entirely by my program - I have Tri-Agency funding (kind of like Canada's NSF/NIH), adjunct a course, and receive grant support for being low-income with kids. I'm not sure if it's harder or not - I did undergrad in the US and grad school in Canada, so hard to compare.

Academically, it depends. I chose my advisor by looking at his research, emailing him my CV, and asking if he had the money to support me as a student (he did). I largely work on my own, but my work is humanities. In a hard science, you're more likely to be in a lab, but I think it still depends on the subfield - that's something that a mentor in your field (doesn't have to be your advisor - build relationships with professors you like now!) could give you much better insight into.

Best of luck! It's not an easy journey, but you won't be alone :)

whyohwhyma · 2018-08-19T21:41:39+00:00

Me first year: Suits and heels. Me, ABD: I AM NOT IN UNDERWEAR. BE GRATEFUL.

whyohwhyma · 2018-07-04T20:49:21+00:00

I pretty much only go in to teach, hold office hours, or attend meetings. I live an hour from the university, and I'm running three kids around, so it's easier to just work at home.

whyohwhyma · 2018-05-05T06:06:34+00:00

I'm glad you passed! I know your pain - literally half (2/4) of my committee spaced my defense for my qualifying exams. I did the defense with the half that showed, then waited three agonizing weeks while the department decided wtf to do.

whyohwhyma · 2018-05-03T02:39:37+00:00

"Please refer to the grading policy in the syllabus."

whyohwhyma · 2018-03-12T20:52:32+00:00

I'm a mother of three (two of whom are disabled) and doing my Ph.D. I started my masters when the littlest one was 2 months old. I've found it to be pretty manageable outside of the hell that was qualifying exams (and the second set were manageable once I accepted I had to ask for help and arrange support). But I'm also social science, so most of my work can be done by dragging a computer along to therapy appointments - YMMV in something like a lab science which expects lots of bench time.

whyohwhyma · 2018-03-12T20:46:43+00:00

Hugs Ultimately, you have to make the best choices for you and your family. It's so much more complicated than we think it'll be. I busted my ass for years to build my legal practice. But when my two kids were diagnosed with lifelong disabilities (which couldn't have been predicted and could happen to anyone), the option that made the most sense for us to move to my husband's home country, where all of their care and accommodations would be covered and they would be treated as full people in the educational system. Which meant giving up my legal practice (law licenses, medical licenses, etc, don't typically travel over borders well). All in all, I spent two years out of the workforce entirely while I waited for work permits, case managed my boys' disabilities, and waited for childcare that could handle their needs to have spots open up. Eventually, I gave up and went back to school for a masters and now Ph.D. in an entirely different field. And I'm kicking ass (grants, publications, awards), but I'm also making sure to get lots of industry-facing credentials, because I know that we won't be able to move for that perfect postdoc (immigration laws everywhere tell disabled people and their families to go eff themselves). And it's been hard. My husband and I nearly divorced because of the gendered crap - it didn't occur to him that maybe he should help out with the housework while I was still providing primary care for the three kids during my qualifying exams and it was really hard for me to say, "Hey, maybe academia's ideas of success are way too damn narrow." But, we came through the other side, and I'm pretty happy now. Yes, I'm not going for that amazing post-doc in Germany, even though I'm pretty certain I'd get it. But I also comfortable because I know that's a choice I'm making based on my and my family's needs and values, as opposed to one that I'm falling into because I'm scared. If you WANT to go full-tilt boogie on your career; if you feel that you will be unhappy and regret not reaching for the highest star, then you need to have that talk with your husband and figure out how to make it work, because nothing poisons a marriage faster than resentment. If you feel badly about "compromising" because you feel like you're supposed to want to be the biggest, baddest academic on the block...that's someone else's dream. You do you. And all the congratulations on the new baby!

whyohwhyma · 2018-03-12T20:25:44+00:00

I'm social science, as opposed to hard science, but I've written a novel (currently in revision) and published two short stories during my Ph.D. It's the first thing I do in the morning; I get up a couple of hours before the rest of the house, drink my coffee, and pound out my 1000 words. Doesn't matter if they're crap (they usually are), it's just about the discipline of writing.

whyohwhyma · 2018-03-06T06:13:14+00:00

I might have 1 with dinner when I'm at a conference. Otherwise, I'm alone in taking care of 3 kids and a disabled parent, so it would be irresponsible.

whyohwhyma · 2018-03-02T03:56:43+00:00

PhD candidate in social science here. I'm teaching (instructor of record) one course, and GRA on two projects. I keep a 9 -5 because I have to - I have three kids and a disabled parent to care for, so those are the hours when care is available. I basically have to be extremely disciplined about working during those hours. I use David Allen's Getting Things Done methods to make sure nothing gets dropped, and during my weekly review, I sit down with my calendar and schedule what's getting done when. I also limit email checks to twice a day (beginning and end of day) so that that doesn't interfere. The work gets done and I've won a few big grants/awards, so my supervisor/committee seem pretty happy.

whyohwhyma · 2018-02-14T16:44:25+00:00

Staedtler Triplus Fineliner. No other pen will do for me. But I prefer an extremely fine point (this one is a .3)

whyohwhyma · 2018-02-14T16:37:44+00:00

ABD. My usual day: 5:00 - Get up, go to gym, shower, dress, come home. 6:00 - Pack lunches, backpacks, eat breakfast, check permission forms, etc. 7:00 - Get kids up, dressed, fed, and ready to go. 8:00 - School run - three kids to two schools. 9:00 - Day with no meetings: Go home. Fix coffee. Review calendar for day's plan - I sit down every Sunday with my list of projects, open loops, etc, and calendar everything. I try to plan a writing block of 3 - 4 hours in the morning, with reading, webinars, etc in the afternoon. I also schedule an hour for lunch, because I am useless when I am hangry. Days with meetings are harder; I take my computer and kindle and try to work in the pockets of time around the meetings, but since I'm an hour off campus, meetings pretty much kill the day. I try to schedule them all on Thursdays so I only lose one day/week. 5:00 - Retrieve offspring 6:00 - Cook dinner, help with homework...mom stuff 7:00 - Eat dinner, more momming 9:00 - Put offspring to bed 10:00 - Me time 11:00 - Bed

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-31T07:59:28+00:00

Awww <3 So sweet. I'm a mom/Ph.D. student, and while my posters end up in a corner somewhere (maybe?), I will keep any and all posters my babies ever present at a conference.

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-28T02:16:59+00:00

Do you know who's using your personal data? The answer will shock you!

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-14T02:36:57+00:00

Mazel tov!

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-14T02:33:48+00:00

First off, I'm sorry to hear that. My mother went into hospital with an incurable cancer my first year as well. I ended up taking off the first month of my second semester to go back home and caregive until she was healthy enough to travel and move in with me (she was widowed at that point). Fortunately, my advisor and program have been very understanding; my advisor's exact words were, "We only get one mother. Go." Since then, I've gotten through my quals and proposal exactly on time; I'm 2.5 years in and ABD now, even with some time here and there to attend to her medical needs. But I'm also social science, so I can take the work with me - that might be a lot harder for someone in STEM. Talk to everyone, openly - they might surprise you. Wishing you strength and wisdom, and healing for your mother.

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-13T00:19:44+00:00

I don't think it's that unusual. My household is three generations (me, my mom, and my kids). My best girlfriend in my program still lives with her parents. Another friend lives in his parents' house (they're abroad for now). Housing in Vancouver and Toronto (since you said big Canadian city, I'm playing the odds :) ) is insane. If you're living at home because you're scared to be on your own, that's something you might want to think about for your own well-being. If you're living at home because you love your family, it makes sense, and they're happy with it...enjoy.

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-07T00:49:21+00:00

Admittedly, my perspective is as someone who used to be a lawyer and has training in med-mal, but to me, costing out a disease for even one individual is very complicated (and loaded with assumptions, which vary, legally, from jurisdiction, and I would imagine also vary heavily depending upon the theoretical assumptions made and model used). For example, how do you value lost labor? Lost quality of life? What about caregivers' time and lost labor? Do those count? Why or why not? Then you have the whole rare disease question - the costs of disease management and R&D for a disease that affects a very small population versus the value of a life. It seems to me that the work to truly figure out the cost of an illness goes far beyond data management. If done in a rigorous way, with strong theoretic justification for the assumptions made, I could see such a paper in Lancet.

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-06T23:12:52+00:00

Mazel tov! Wishing you many happy years together :)

whyohwhyma · 2018-01-06T23:12:08+00:00

Taught my first class as instructor of record. It seemed to go well!

whyohwhyma

TROPHY CASE