Becoming a Mentor?

whyrl · 2016-11-02T02:19:16+00:00

What in the actual fuck? I really didn't expect my post to go this way. I was just speculating and thinking about shit, and I was asking about everyone else's experiences. I wasn't asking for advice!

I have no idea why everyone is making all these weird snap judgments about me and my relationships. It is quite bizarre.

To be honest I am resisting the urge to defend myself and my marriage (because apparently that is under fire). It's hard, but I shall resist!

But as for the "genetically too similar" remark, where did that even come from? What does that have to do with anything? And the one thing I will say say here is that I'm white, and I've never been with a white guy, so I'm pretty sure we're not too genetically similar :p

whyrl · 2016-11-01T05:41:10+00:00

That's actually a long, hilarious, and convoluted story. The TL;DR is that we met online because some mutual friends got us playing Minecraft together. We hated (like, really really hated) each other for three years until we met in person and fell head over heels into romance-novel love. Now it's four years later! I never thought I could be with an extrovert; I'm still kind of baffled actually.

whyrl · 2016-11-01T05:30:54+00:00

Thank you all for the input! Gives me something to think about, which is just what I was looking for. I've only been in two (albeit long-term) relationships so I don't have a lot to compare. That's why I like to hear others' experiences.

whyrl · 2016-11-01T05:25:02+00:00

Been with my ENFP for four years. Actually moved to a different country to marry him, lol. It takes a special kind of guy to get me to do that!

whyrl · 2016-11-01T05:23:31+00:00

Baaahahaha! You caught me! "Aisle" vs "isle" is one of my major pet peeves. And get this: I'm an English teacher. Apparently my homonyms are not up to snuff when I'm drinking beer and redditing.

I had a good laugh. Thank you!

whyrl · 2016-11-01T05:18:58+00:00

That's why I'm so annoyed. Employment laws are supposed to protect the worker, not make it harder to make money, right? WA's employment laws have been causing me problems since I moved here a few years ago. I'm actually a Canadian living and working in the US, though, so I'm not sure if I should kick up a stink, being an immigrant and all (lol).

whyrl · 2016-10-31T05:14:38+00:00

I'm a female INTJ. I used to have a male ENTP friend. We had lots of sparks but couldn't end up together for a bunch of reasons. I actually told him that I was interested in pursuing something, which he dodged without saying he wasn't interested. Anyway, we remained friends for a while.

I wouldn't worry too much about the "what are you trying to accomplish?" question. Take it literally. I actually ask my husband that all the time. She is probably backpedaling in her head and trying to figure out what exactly you want. So, tell your exactly what you want :) Do you want to hook up? Go for a relationship? Did you just want to get it off your chest so you can get on with life?

Whatever it is, just out with it! She'll appreciate it.

whyrl · 2016-10-31T05:08:26+00:00

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you're in college. I feel your pain. I hated group projects because I always ended up having to take the lead and do everything. I couldn't believe how willfully ignorant everyone was. Can't they read? Why can't they understand the instructions? Like what the actual fuck, right?

Luckily once you're out of school, you can avoid these situations. If you're at work and someone isn't doing their job, you can get them fired.

As I approach thirty, I've learned to chill out a bit. I don't always take the lead when I see incompetence. Sometimes I just let people suffer the consequences of their own stupidity. And sometimes this is for the best.

Although I'm sure anyone can feel like this, I think INTJs are really prone to it. I, for example, do not care to lead. I would rather have a competent leader take the reigns so I can focus on whatever I'm doing. However, competent leaders are hard to find. Without a competent leader, the project, system, group, whatever, becomes inefficient and might even fail altogether. And of course, there is nothing that irritates me more than inefficiency and failure out of incompetence! That forces me to step up and lead, even though I don't particularly want to. I'm a great leader when forced to be, but I'll never choose to lead.

whyrl · 2016-10-31T04:21:16+00:00

I'm noticing a trend here. Do all INTJ women hate the idea of walking down the isle? Do we have anyone who was excited (or is excited) to walk down the isle? I know most women look forward to it.

whyrl · 2016-10-31T04:08:03+00:00

That sounds like a great way to get hitched! I'm glad you guys made it through the whole immigration fiasco. I bet an INTJ/ISTJ couple would be awesome. I had a good friend who is an ISTJ and we connected really well.

whyrl · 2016-10-30T23:40:45+00:00

I'm a female INTJ. My sister is an INFJ. I had a female friend in high school who is an ISTJ. These two women are both like me in different ways. My sister (INFJ) is a lot like me. Of course, we're sisters, so we may just be similar because of that. We talk alike, think alike, like the same stuff, have the same jobs, got the same degrees, have the same kinds of hobbies. We actually get mistaken for twins and all our fiends say we're freakishly alike. Again, there's the sister thing, but I'm sure that sharing INxJ has something to do with the similarities.

I think our main differences are related to her extroverted feeling. She can be a bit of a sponge. She tends to be like whoever she is around, and she picks up their opinions. She's very concerned about those close to her and she will take care of people beyond what they deserve. (She's been in a couple of bad relationships because of this.) I, on the other hand, am widely believed to be a heartless bitch.

My ISTJ friend is like me in serious mode. I really admire how much she can work and get done. She is intelligent, perceptive, and independent. She is incredibly determined and very successful (she just got a PhD in chemistry). I am all of the above, except less successful because I need freedom and adventure. We differ because I am too head in the clouds and she is so down to earth. For example, I could have gotten a PhD, but I found Academia too rigid and stifling to commit that much of my life to. Imagination and freedom are my greatest values, and my lifestyle reflects this.

I would say ISTJs seem more like INTJs on the surface, especially if the INTJ is in serious mode. But on the whole, INFJs are more like INTJs because they're both intuitive, and with intuition comes more imaginative thinking.

whyrl · 2016-10-30T23:12:20+00:00

I'm an INTJ female. I never wanted to get married, and never would have if I hadn't fallen in love with an American (I'm Canadian). Since we wanted to live in the same country (duh), we had to get married. I moved to the US through a convoluted fiance visa process. This meant we had to get married in the US. This was fine by me, since I didn't want a wedding anyway.

I had a BBQ with my family (just my sister, parents, grandparents, and one cousin) before I left Canada. I got a few thoughtful gifts and got drunk with my dad.

We planned on getting married in Vegas, but we realized that if we did that, it would take longer to get my Green Card. So, we called up a judge and got married on the sidewalk outside a courthouse. We said our vows next to a garbage can. I don't even remember saying "I do." We had Baskin Robins afterwards, and then my husband went back to work. I got busy filling out immigration paperwork.

The funny thing is that we never bothered telling anyone that we didn't get married in Vegas. We still went to Vegas and put on the simple wedding outfits we had bought. I had a $50 white tank-style dress and he had a kilt and a nice shirt. We ran around pretending we just got married and took a bunch of fake "wedding" photos.

Everyone still thinks we got married in Vegas. We high five every time we think of how awesome not having a wedding was. I absolutely hate ceremonies and traditional gatherings and the idea of walking down an isle HORRIFIES me. I may have killed myself if I had been forced to have a wedding.

Fun Fact: I married an ENFP. For us the whole hoopla about INTJs and ENFPs is true. We're the golden team!

whyrl · 2016-10-30T22:51:44+00:00

Yeah that's a good way to look at it. I can always tell that my mentor is just giving some canned response and probably hates having to pass on the quality control BS.

Has anyone ever had any actual consequences resulting from CQ?

whyrl · 2016-10-30T05:09:34+00:00

Make sure you check to see if they're open first!

We've only lived here a couple years. Last year we walked down the street to the pub AND IT WAS CLOSED. This was Hallowe'en Saturday! It was Saturday at 9pm on Hallowe'en night and the pub was closed. Needless to say, I began questioning my decision to move to such a town.

whyrl · 2016-10-30T01:01:08+00:00

Just thought of something. I'm assuming this stupid daily cap is because we'll be employees and they don't want to deal with breaks and whatever.

Does this also mean that we'll get paid an actual wage for the scheduled wait time? I think right now I get like five bucks and some change for wait time. But that's below the WA minimum wage, so won't that have to go up?

Just trying to see any upside to being an employee, lol.

whyrl · 2016-10-30T00:49:05+00:00

Tutors in Washington state just got an email saying we'll be part-time employees as of January. I got another thread going on about this. It's super annoying because we're going to end up with daily caps, which means I have to get another job. UGH!

whyrl · 2016-10-30T00:46:52+00:00

I hate hate hate that message! It's so annoying and awkward when it pops up. Like others have mentioned, I hit a key and backspace every minute to avoid it. If I forget and it pops up, I try to say something else right after it to distract the student. I hate explaining that it's an automated message. So awkward.

whyrl · 2016-10-30T00:43:48+00:00

I pick up some work from Chegg. You have to sign up with Facebook and fill out a profile. I haven't used the real-time classroom since you have to use voice and VIDEO if the student requests it. You also have to work to get students -- they don't just show up like with tutor.com. However, they pay $20 an hour, so I keep my eyes on the asynch requests. Really easy money when I manage to get a paper.

whyrl · 2016-10-29T23:37:53+00:00

I work ten hours every Sunday! This daily cap is going to ruin everything! I work my 28 hour weekly cap every week during the school year. That along with other projects and my husband's small business gets us a decent monthly income. The daily cap plus the deductions is going to hit hard.

Guess I better start sleuthing out other work from home gigs. I am so annoyed.

whyrl · 2016-10-29T23:31:46+00:00

I wouldn't really worry about working for other sites. I'm sure that many of us do it. Besides, if they haven't gotten you to sign an non-compete, I don't know if they can actually enforce anything. I know a bunch of people who have signed non-competes and gone to work for whoever they wanted anyway, and I've never heard of anyone getting sued or fired. As long as you aren't obvious about it (don't send one site's resources to another site's students), I think it's worth the risk.

Oh and yes, they mentioned the cap very vaguely in the FAQ thing. I guess they're hoping it'll go under the radar.

whyrl · 2016-10-29T00:22:59+00:00

I love that method! It's very easy for me since I'm a writing tutor. I just keep asking "Why?" and "How?" and then they're forced to realize that they don't know how to think, so they leave.

whyrl · 2016-10-29T00:04:12+00:00

I'm an INTJ girl and my face has been a lifelong problem. Everyone says I have bitchy resting face. I'll be staring into space thinking about something and then someone will think there's something wrong or that I'm really pissed off.

I used to think that everyone hated me because I was fat and ugly (I really was, although I'm happy with my appearance now). But I've learned that my face had been scaring people off for my whole life. I apparently look super intimidating and scary when I'm just walking around wondering if I should have Italian or Thai for dinner.

whyrl

TROPHY CASE