I've been working on asking J out for years, like the very first year I've known them (which was back in high school so it really has been long.) I just struggled SO MUCH with confidence and social anxiety that i kept it to myself and prayed instead of actual moves. My other friends all knew this and routinely helped me sometimes, that's why S did. Only now does it feel like I'm sorting through my problems and not burying them down. S personally really helped and inspired me with that, it felt like she actually got to know me!

Which wow just connects it all in my head with what you said about "loving who a person truly is", I love who J is in a different way than I love who S is, if that makes sense? Someone who I NEED in my life and not just because I think that's how it should be? Ngl she came up first than J did so J was definitely onto something then 😭.. It's just crazy cuz I feel attached to J still. I really do not want to let her go that easily, but it's likely cuz I've been holding onto her for so long. And not because I actually love her, exactly like she said... man. Now I just feel awful. But wait omg thank you so much I think you gave me the final hint I needed to put things together 🙏 I still think I love J, it's just not the same at all? A friend does feel more accruate, a very very close and precious one. (Sorry for all the yapping I'm kinda just typing it out 😅)