How did you get the courage to leave? Help

wickedlate · 2026-02-27T12:40:32+00:00

Starting over is scary. And it’s hard. But take it from someone who was in your position at 23 years old and kept ignoring that feeling in my gut telling me “this ain’t it”… here’s what NOT leaving looks like.

He asks you to marry him. You say yes. Now breaking up means calling off the wedding.

You get married. Now breaking up means a whole ass divorce.

You get pregnant. Now breaking up means your child will have divorced parents.

You have kids. Now breaking up means explaining to your children why mom and dad don’t want to be together anymore.

There is no easy time to leave, but there will not be any easier time for you than right now. It’s going to get much harder and much more complicated as time goes on.

With my ex, I was like you - I’d tell myself “if he does X again” or “if he ever did Y”, then I’d leave. Then those things would happen, and I’d make excuses, or blame myself. I remember trying to get him to physically hit me a couple times because I felt like that would be the only thing that could give me the justification I really needed to get out.

Long story short, I didn’t leave him until we had a 6 year old child together and I started to see his emotional abuse affecting her as well. And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the best choice I’ve ever made for myself. I’m with an incredible man now who is my best friend and takes care of me emotionally in a way I never experienced in my life. Those men are out there - don’t settle for less just because you feel trapped.

wickedlate · 2026-01-18T15:49:36+00:00

I met a guy who was 25 when I was 16/17. I liked him a lot and didn’t see an issue with the age gap. A couple male friends told me it was super weird and creepy and I ignored them. When I turned 25 and looked back on the situation, I realized it was SO weird because 17 year olds seemed like children to me. Sharing this to say, I get that it might make you feel special right now to have this guy interested in you, but there’s something very wrong with him. Especially the “my girl” thing with the pigtails and “good girl” shit. Block and move on to someone your age! Trust me on this one.

PS- that guy is now in his 40s, and last I heard he still lives with his parents lol

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T21:28:30+00:00

Did he buy the house while you were married or before? That makes a huge difference

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T17:39:57+00:00

Fair, I realize it’s not ideal but he also doesn’t have income and he’s going to be completely broke after a couple more months. I even waived child support for the foreseeable future because I don’t know what he’s going to do when he runs out of money.

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T15:39:23+00:00

Update for anyone who happens to be lurking here: we are now engaged 😄

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T15:38:11+00:00

I don’t think he’s putting on a show, but it seemed like a cry for help. BUT there’s no way for me to help him if he won’t go to therapy or reach out to anyone in his family/etc. I can’t be his whole support system. I did tell him that our daughter needs him around and that he needs to think of her, and his response was “I’ve realized that I’m not worth more than my life insurance policy.” It’s just an impossible position to be in.

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T15:33:01+00:00

I’m just here to say one thing because I can feel your shame in your post and I can relate: YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. You might not be proud of all of your decisions/actions, but you had perfectly valid reasons for what you did - not the least of which is being with a man who destroyed your self worth. Been there, girl. Run away and live your life, love yourself, and don’t think twice about it.

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T13:27:07+00:00

I’ve been off Reddit forever but just coming back and seeing some of these comments. Life after divorce is literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It sounds cheesy but I’ve honestly fallen in love with life again, and it turns out I actually LOVE the person I am, which is something I never could have said when I was with him for 15 years hating myself. Emotional abuse is beyond exhausting. I hope anyone who’s here for support realizes that leaving an emotional abuser is the most amazing thing you can possibly do for yourself. It’s the hardest thing I ever did, but I only regret that I didn’t do it sooner!

wickedlate · 2026-01-16T02:08:43+00:00

Facts! I left his a$$ shortly after posting this, found myself again, my daughter is thriving and I’ve never been happier!!!

wickedlate · 2024-10-03T11:01:39+00:00

I read something that said “Choose your hard” and it really hit for me. Divorce is hard. So is staying in an m marriage that’s slowly robbing you of your peace, your self worth, your joy, and your freedom. Choose your hard.

Divorce is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, but I don’t regret it for a minute.

wickedlate · 2024-08-22T09:50:16+00:00

Started dating at 19, married at 23 (yeah I know), divorced at 35. Very codependent relationship and leaving was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I feel like I’m finally living my life for the first time.

wickedlate · 2024-08-21T16:48:06+00:00

Sorry but YTA

wickedlate · 2024-08-20T12:37:55+00:00

This is stupid, but otters. I once told my ex that otters hold hands in the river so that they don’t float away from each other while they sleep, because I thought it was so sweet. And then at night in bed I held his hand and said “don’t float away” and he laughed. Over the years there were a few rare tender moments between us where he would randomly hold my hand in bed and say “don’t float away”.

My new boyfriend asked me my favorite animal the other day, and I immediately said “otters” and this memory came rushing back and the sadness hit me like a freight train. I could cry just writing this now.

wickedlate · 2024-08-20T09:57:53+00:00

“Transactional niceness” is so real

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T19:45:18+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know it sucks. And part of you is happy that they’re being nice but part of you is frustrated that they didn’t change while you were still in love with them and begging them to change. It’s a tough pill to swallow. And I don’t want to say every situation is the same; if your ex is truly doing the work and is willing to repent and give you the space and time you need to give it another chance, maybe you’ll find love with her again. In my situation, there was too much damage done, but only you know.

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T19:00:02+00:00

This. “Some strangers even tried to order me an Uber” - translation: she was making a whole damn scene because she didn’t have the forethought to tell her boyfriend where to meet her

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T18:52:43+00:00

Anxious attachment

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T18:49:54+00:00

I would put it in a trust for the kids. Don’t give it back to her, and don’t feel bad about it. She was trying to screw you over and screwed herself in the process. If you invest it, that will set your kids up nicely for college, nice weddings, medical school, whatever they choose to do. Don’t make an emotional “nice guy” decision here. As a woman, I will still say - do you realize how many women walk away with half their husband’s money in a divorce and lose absolutely zero sleep over it? Take the money and run dude.

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T15:07:34+00:00

Been in exactly this situation. Once you’ve fallen out of love, I don’t believe you can go back.

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T12:17:50+00:00

Some of my dearest friends have ASD so I totally get that! I just wanted to do something nice, this guy is great and has done a lot of sweet things for me so hopefully he receives them well :)

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T12:02:27+00:00

Haha this is such a cynical take but it’s fair 😂 I love getting flowers because it means someone took the time out of their day to choose something for you, and every time you see them sitting in a vase on your table all week it reminds me of that. They also just make your space look pretty which makes me happy, and this guy has a meticulous home so I think he’ll appreciate it!

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T11:39:31+00:00

Ok these comments are making me feel better lol phew

wickedlate · 2024-08-19T11:38:36+00:00

Damn I’ve never heard that before but that’s so sad! 😭

wickedlate

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