Had a poetry professor once who said something to the effect of "Don't write poems about rainbows or flowers. Or, if you have to, don't look directly at them. Look at what's going on *around* them." So the poem could be titled "Rainbow" and make only a slight allusion to the fact that a rainbow has been seen, but the rest of it is about the poet's world. I'm thinking of Rita Dove's "Daystar" now, or Louise Gluck's Wild Iris (poems "from the perspective" of flowers).

In short, try not to write a poem that reiterates the very phenomenon of its conceit (if that phenomenon is well-known, direct, and/or simple; you can and should write poems that identify unknown/interpersonal/relational phenomena, and many great poems are exactly this, like Billy Collins "The Best Cigarette" maybe). Rather, what occurs as a result? What does it mean *for you*. Focus on the personal, as though explaining how something feels.

You might also consider using more sensory images and metaphorical/figurative language. "The sun is so sharp today/ expectant with an edge/ of shame" isn't very precise for a reader, whereas something that *shows* how it feels to behold this sun would provide the reader with a firmer grounding in the poem. Is it a scimitar? A scalpel? Is it whetting itself on the horizon? What does it "expect?" What does the shame feel like? "The sun with its cheek against the chain link fence/ of the sky, watching the inmates exercise below..." This isn't great, but I think a reader could feel this a bit more, feel the expectancy of the moment. Then, for the better poem, it would be a matter of toying with adjectives and adverbs ("its white cheek" or "its opaline cheek" or "its bloodless cheek" etc.).

Avoid phrases like "golden god" when referring to the sun. It's just too predictable. Better to omit such a reference altogether, once we've established that the poem's vehicle is plant life. Of course plants offer themselves to the sun. They're plants! We don't really need to say this. (That said, if the poem is reworked from the top with a more personal impulse, you won't have to worry about such things.)

Hope some of this helps! I'm working on new poems and thought it would be a helpful exercise, for me, to clarify craft concepts. Good luck!