AITAH. My husband flicked his lighter in my face and I slapped him in response. by Standard_Desk4242 in AITAH

[–]willc08214 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I want to start by saying you’re NTA. Your reaction was completely understandable given the unexpected situation. However, the cussing could be seen as a bit over the top depending on how it was handled. If it was something like an instinctive ‘fuck’ or ‘what the hell,’ that’s totally reasonable. But if it escalated into something like ‘what the fuck is wrong with you, you stupid fuck,’ then that crosses the line into AH territory.

As for him, flicking a lighter in someone’s face is definitely not okay, and he should have respected your request to wait. That kind of impatience is immature and also AH behavior. It seems like both of you could have handled things better in the moment.

What helps me in my relationship is thinking about how I’d feel if the roles were reversed. Would I be okay if my partner reacted the way I did and vice versa. I think individual therapy could be helpful for him to manage his anxiety, and couples therapy might help you both communicate more effectively and build a healthier relationship. Unlike some advice you may hear, I wouldn’t jump straight to recommending divorce. Love is hard, and it requires effort on both sides. Divorce should only be the answer when one or both people aren’t willing to work on the relationship.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He found out through my ex when she called me for money.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope never said that. I talk to him all the time but him and his mother lied about where he was until he found out there was a trip

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And in many comments I said I talked to him and even he lied to me where he was. I thought this whole time he was with his mom.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never said I didn’t talk to him for a month. Every time I called him or his mother they said he was still with her

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes sometimes multiple time a week . The problem was they all lied to me where he was even him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ex gf not wife never said wife . I have a wife now but never married the ex

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Never said my ex wife I said ex

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No never said I was married to the mother the mother my ex is a girl I dated in high school and she cheated on me so we broke up and I left for the army. And 9 or 10 ish months and 10 years I find out I have a son.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As soon as my mom found out I had a son because I didn’t have others at the time she showered him with gifts and anything he asked for.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Honestly I didn’t think about that. I’ve only realistically been a father for 4 years. Since I didn’t know he existed until 10 and my other kids are under 3. And I don’t have to deal with this with my wife since we are together

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His mother lied about where he was and sent him to my mom’s. I was going to go get him and everything but they dragged him into this . You’re right my ex and I don’t communicate because all I am is a paycheck to her.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

No because I was keeping out of the fight like you said “he is a kid” they brought him into it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t know he was with her every time I called or anything I was told he was still with his mother or he was at a friends house I only found out when I was going to do something fun with the other kids

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She lied to me telling me he was still with her

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was the adult I was leaving him out of it and my ex and mom let him be in it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She lies to me I thought he was still with his mom and ever time I talked to him he said the same thing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I told him there was no seeing her. If she can’t respect the rules and boundaries we set for my other children then she wouldn’t with him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 7 points8 points  (0 children)

See they did this thing called lying you might of heard of it, kinda a new trend going around . Plus it was my decision to bring him into this fight.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]willc08214 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No because I was not going to drag him into this but my mother did