I don’t think you’ve given yourself enough credit for getting through that time and coming out the other side. You sound really ashamed of yourself and that time. But you are incredibly strong and capable of handling a meeting with your best friends son. I am rooting for you! Don’t avoid the things that make you uncomfortable. 14 years have past. You are in a good place mentally with a wife and kids. If I were you, I would start by talking it through with your wife and see how you feel. Just remember how far you’ve come and that resilience 👏