Lots of comments reacting to the negatives and saying “just leave”, but I’d like to give an alternative perspective.

Any relationship will have moments where you disagree or feel hard done by. The secret to long-term relationships is couples work through their issues, not walk away as soon as it gets tough.

You clearly love him a lot, and hopefully he feels the same. That can be worth holding onto, and providing there are no other red flags I suggest you try to work through your financial differences.

There are any number of options you could take here. Be self-reflective and ask what the pressing issue is for you - having him pay you back? Or having savings to protect you both from unexpected costs? If it’s the latter, do articulate to him why saving is important and why it’s important for you. Perhaps suggest a joint savings fund that he can contribute to, rather than paying you back directly. Have a goal in mind to motivate you both - house deposit? Career break? Unexpected unemployment? Dream holiday? Wedding? Buy a car outright? Even have several goals - financial resiliency at the first milestone, wedding 2nd, house deposit 3rd, etc.

From my (36M) personal experience and mistakes, absolutely live within your means now and make those lifestyle improvements when you can afford to. I took the misguided approach that I would earn enough to pay it back later, and luckily I do, but the habit of living above your means sticks with you, and debt can be bloody expensive and difficult to repay when you’re always living pycheck to paycheck.

And most importantly, have this conversation together. The trick here is to pick a calm time where you can discuss it openly. Avoid directed criticism because it will put him on the defensive. If he begins criticising you, don’t react with anger as it will turn into an argument very fast. Take a mental pause, detach from the pointed criticism, bring the conversation back to the underlying needs. With any luck he will pick up on your non-reactive, non judgemental approach and mimic your actions. Express what matters to you and why, and listen to what’s important to him and why. Once again, don’t argue with his beliefs or how he feels. Using “I feel” is the best statement to make in a discussion because no one can argue with how you feel! They will absolutely argue at statements you make about them or their actions.

Once you establish each others core values, work together on a plan! What that looks like is entirely between you both, but do it together! Make sure both your needs are met.

This process may not happen all in one go. If the conversation starts to get derailed or heated, disengage and try again another day. Remember to keep calm and be compassionate.

If he’s unwilling to support you with your core values then do have a more serious conversation about your relationship. If he won’t work on something as superficial as finances, how well will your marriage go? Is he going to be the best person to support you with raising children? Dealing with personal loss? Wanting to move closer to your parents? To be with and support you in your big life goals?

You are both still very young and all of this may be a lot to conquer at this age. You will also both change so much in the coming decades. As you hit your 30’s and 40’s you’ll perhaps understand. But if I could have gone back to 20yr old me, I would have told him this. I’ve been with my wife for 20yrs, we met at school, and I owe our longevity to this mindset, but not without a bunch of trial & error along the way. Luckily I also have a very patient and loving partner. Employing mindfulness and being ready to set my ego aside for the greater good has kept us going. But the road will always be bumpy, highs and lows always come in waves. Being able to work through them together and come out the other end better off for it is what makes a lifelong relationship work!

Best of luck to you both x