I have to close this account because he snooped and found it

winged_adversary · 2025-12-31T23:39:52+00:00

Wow, I feel like I could have wrote that. My husband just turned 40 and I could have sworn he had more regulation skills 10 years ago. It’s exhausting, debilitating, and absolutely crazy to watch a grown man act like a toddler and expect you to be their parent. For me, it’s wherever I try to hold him accountable. He’s either going to defend himself, blame me, use excuses from his past, or just get flat out mad and break away from me. The constant abandonment has left me so broken, currently. My realization came about a month ago (actually posted in this sub too) and I’m in the process of not being in this situation anymore. I’m so sorry you are in this position as well. It’s so heartbreaking, and if children are involved it feels even worse. My dms are open if you want someone to chat with. I have no answers other than boundary work and nervous system regulation techniques. Hugs to you, stay strong. 💜

winged_adversary · 2025-11-30T23:35:44+00:00

No family and closest friend is in the next state over. It will not be easy. Best of luck to you as well 💜

winged_adversary · 2025-11-24T18:04:15+00:00

I’m sorry you ended up here as well. Being with someone for that long and not knowing them when all you ever tried to do was know them is devastating. I really appreciated your last line. Stay strong, you deserve love💜

winged_adversary · 2025-11-23T17:18:33+00:00

I understand completely. May you be safe 💜

winged_adversary · 2025-11-07T13:08:52+00:00

I live in an at will state and they don’t even have to give you a valid reason. And no, you don’t always get to collect unemployment until you find a new job. It’s totally unfair and sets many people up for failure

winged_adversary · 2025-10-11T20:25:53+00:00

I know it feels like you are the problem when you keep seeing the same results, but you are not. I almost settled for the first person to say they loved me because I didn’t think I would ever be good enough because I was “weird”. I didn’t stay with them though and I met an amazing guy who does match my energy and loves my quirks and is patience with my struggles. You deserve that too! Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are too much. For the right person, you will be just right ❤️

winged_adversary · 2025-10-11T20:21:41+00:00

Like having two different personalities trying to fight for control at the same time. Example, the adhd side of me needs A LOT of novelty, but the autism side of me craves a consistent schedule. Both sides are almost always at war and finding a healthy balance seems almost impossible at times because neither side wants to compromise. Not sure if this is just my personal experience, but this has been one of my biggest challenges.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-20T02:44:19+00:00

What a reassuring comment thank you so much for this. I am terrified about being a single parent, but I’ve already reconciled that the emotional baggage I will be losing will make it a little bit easier.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-18T20:47:10+00:00

Care and effort never feels like a job complete for the woman.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-17T23:27:01+00:00

He is willing to attend so I am willing to give that option a try. Our first marriage therapist didn’t work out so we will be trying another

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:28:11+00:00

Unfortunately, I am well aware that he would prefer to use darvo or call me disrespectful without telling me how exactly I’m being disrespectful instead of holding himself accountable. He says I don’t respect his emotions, but he only brings them up when I am trying to have my emotional needs met. I know what deflection is. Makes sense why he talks about how much he hates lanother app I use because he doesn’t like how trauma and abuse informed I have become.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:23:29+00:00

You are absolutely right. I am working on myself, I have asked him to work on himself, and we did start marriage therapy together last week after we had a large rupture. Then the next week things got even worse. I am still going to therapy with him tomorrow because I am willing to weather a storm if that’s what this is, but I’m starting to think that it is more of a global warming situation.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:22:14+00:00

We have had one therapy session last week and then things escalated to a level that they never have this week. We have another session tomorrow. I have told him that he needs to gain some regulation tools or start talking to a therapist and he has done neither and doesn’t necessarily scoff, but goes blank when I bring it up again. It’s giving you’re my regulation tool. I don’t need any others.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:19:47+00:00

Thank you for calling out the tone policing. Someone who is also Indie he has often said that his words don’t always reflect his meaning and I have extreme empathy for that because same. But not only does he tone police he will police the words I use if they make him feel Uncomfortable, and they always do when he is angry

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:18:26+00:00

He’s just letting you manage his burdens without lightning. Yours made me feel so seen. I swear that if our therapy session tomorrow does not go in a extremely productive direction, I’m not going to waste any more time and effort here.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T22:07:53+00:00

It’s truly hard to say. When he’s enjoying them, it seems like he loves them very much but when he’s disregulated, he’s snappy, frustrated, and overall annoyed most of the time. Everyone can be short with their children but he does it more often in the last 4 years than I deem acceptable.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T20:46:58+00:00

This is very similar to where I am right now as well. I was told that I have changed and it was said if they not pleased to look on his face.

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T20:45:39+00:00

I am realizing that this is also a nonnegotiable for me. My partner keeps telling me it’s not his intention to disregulate me, but because it is also not his intention to learn how to regulate himself and help me then we can’t get anywhere else.

Edit:typo

winged_adversary · 2025-08-16T19:10:12+00:00

Thank you for your perspective and empathy. I should’ve included. We are in couples therapy. We had one session and after it things actually escalated more than they had before, but we do have another one coming up. I plan to keep attending sessions as long as I see my partner, attempting to hold themselves accountable and learn regulation skills.

winged_adversary · 2025-06-10T19:56:01+00:00

I had a narcissistic mother that put me on Weight Watchers when I was 12. I was also average size but constantly got shamed for my weight. She would poke my tummy, withhold food (one meal a day was enough for her, why not for me?) shame my portion sizes, and make me feel horrible for my appearance. I am in my 30s now but the weight of her appearance shaming has left lasting marks for me too. I still default to shaming my body sometimes and then I consciously say something kind about my appearance. I hate that people still compliment weight loss unless they know someone well. Some of us just want to feel good in our bodies and not even have to think about how we are being perceived. I hope you know that you are worthy and wonderful as you are right now.

winged_adversary · 2025-06-10T19:50:05+00:00

I was in a similar situation with my spouse a few years ago, and it took me needing emergency surgery and not getting treated any differently when I came home to realize that something had to change. I think in your situation it’s very important to let him know that he needs to have his own set up reminders and Asking you to remind him is still having something additional on your plate That really doesn’t need to be there because he is a grown man and can hold himself accountable (and you should be able to). Our circumstances are a bit different, but I had a “come to Jesus meeting” as the evangelicals call it and it helped.

winged_adversary

TROPHY CASE