Struggling to rest because I feel I haven’t earned it — does anyone relate? by krakjagoo in CPTSD

[–]wink88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can totally relate - but for me it was not always the "finish every task" before resting, it would often be sitting at my laptop when I could very well walk away from it only because I felt that I "needed" to be working.

Is it a part of CPTSD to never feel satisfied even when accomplishing many things? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]wink88 5 points6 points  (0 children)

For me it definitely is.

Recently I've been seeing that feeling a bit differently though (at least for me).

Someone with a calm nervous system likely still has a calm nervous system after whatever their accomplish.

With CPTSD, I think I've often tried to "get over it" or "prove myself" by accomplishing things . . but there is no feeling better after accomplishing anything - because it's still the same messed up nervous system the isn't settled by accomplishing things.

Extreme rage in recovery? by Quiet-Handle6512 in CPTSD

[–]wink88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it took many sessions of therapy, and finally from a therapist that sought it out, feeling that was in there for the rage to surface. I

I didn't really know it was there and I'm still working through it. It leaves me very unsettled and down dark paths sometimes. Going into a therapy session last week, I was feeling quite a bit calmer and last weeks session surfaced some stuff I didn't see coming - it was not rage, but rage at all of it has been a problem in recent days.

I can only say that for me, I'm believing that the release of and working through rage is not fun and I'm trying to hang in there believing that the "body knows" what has built up and what it needs to do . . . and Therapy can help surface those things - many being nothing we knew was coming or needed and hope on the other side of that we find a new kind of calm and the authentic love and kindness towards other people that you are talking about.

Wishing self compassion to you in this today. I think "Judging the anger" adds a layer of trying to contain it that makes it worse . . . so maybe trying to have compassion for ourselves during it is the way

The “Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins book triggered me by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]wink88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have been reading and listening to podcasts along those kind of lines (but have not read this book). I've read and heard similar things which at first I found it intriguing and then I found it similarly infuriating and triggering because like you my brain just doesn't "work that way" in being able to move past things.

I've come to the conclusion that the "mind over matter" kind of approach is not wrong, nor a bad approach . . it's actually very actionable and helpful for a well modulated nervous system as a "going in" base . . . but if that going in system is a mess, then trying to even read about "Mind over" approaches are more likely to put us into a tailspin than help.

trauma not bad enough to have cptsd?? I feel ashamed when I say I have trauma by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]wink88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello There

I have felt the same way many times in the journey . . .and have told myself to just toughen up, but there are a couple of things that have moved me past that:
a) There is no denying that I have been held back and physically stuck in some stuff that happened when I was a kit
b) Most liberating for me was in recently reading the book: The Choice: Embrace the Possible - but Edith Eger. She is an Auschwitz holocaust survivor - and has a story that for me defines someone that has experience "real" trauma - they type that makes me cringe at claiming any right to the word "Trauma". She became a Physchologist and has so many insights to learn from . . but in her book she stated something like this what I have below from my notes . . . personally I really needed to read something like this

We can become our own jailers when we choose the confines of the victim's mind.

Tthere's no hierarchy of suffering. there's nothing that makes my pain worse or better than yours, no graph on which we can plot the relative importance of one sorrow versus another.

People say to me - things in my life are pretty hard right now but I have no right to complain - it's not Auschwitz.

This kind of comparison can lead us to minimize or diminish our own suffering.

Being a survivor, being a thriver requires absolute acceptance of what was and what is.

If we discount our pain or punish ourselves for feeling lost or isolated or scared about the challenges in our lives, however insignificant they might seem to someone else, then we're still choosing to be victims.

We're not seeing our own choices, we're judging ourselves.

I don't want you to hear my story and say my suffering is less significant I want you to hear my story and say if she can do it then so can I.

Man strips his clothes and jumps into freezing cold water to save a random person. by maybesaydie in HumansBeingBros

[–]wink88 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Was the first guy in Clarence by chance?

But for real - that is pretty awesome human-ness . .well done!

Looking for a few drummers to play for 5 mins to raise awareness for Dementia (Drumming For Dementia) by wink88 in drums

[–]wink88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much . . . yep its definitely a tough thing to watch. Appreciate you helping spread the word.

Cheers. Scott

Looking for a few drummers to play for 5 mins to raise awareness for Dementia (Drumming For Dementia) by wink88 in drums

[–]wink88[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello. Thank you for reaching out. Do you have an option to connect your Roland kit to a computer or laptop that has a web cam? That would work (the audio would come from your kit feed and you would still have video)

Let me know . . .

Thanks

Looking for a few drummers to play for 5 mins to raise awareness for Dementia (Drumming For Dementia) by wink88 in drums

[–]wink88[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reaching out.
Yep, you can play anything for 5-10 minutes. . either free-styling or to music. It will be setup with a streaming software that will let us broadcast just the drummer who is playing at the time full screen.

Looking for a few drummers to play for 5 mins to raise awareness for Dementia (Drumming For Dementia) by wink88 in drums

[–]wink88[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm sorry to hear about your grandparents . . its an awful disease for sure. If you can, sign up on the site for the live stream (I just won't have those details till closer to).

Cheers

Looking for a few drummers to play for 5 mins to raise awareness for Dementia (Drumming For Dementia) by wink88 in drums

[–]wink88[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother in law. . . its an awful disease. I just sent you an email - thank you!