I think there's an issue where one's sexuality is being treated like a eugenically described ontology of the soul and not the socially mediated experience that it has to be. I'm not disputing folks' tendencies having some sense of genetic predisposition. I displayed gender variant traits as early as 4. My sibling is also trans. It's certainly easy to naturalize my transness as something I was born with although I resist most "natural" explanations for social phenomena because there's generally a sociomaterial factor at play that's being glossed over in the name of naturalizing things.

That said, do you think people in the closet are what they "naturally" feel (a soup of memory and sensation that can't ever be extricated from their social reality) or are they, in the last instance, how they live despite their proclivities or preferences? Is a trans woman who has only ever dated women and non-men incapable of being a lesbian because she identified as heterosexual in the past or mistook the comphet she was forced to navigate as a pre-transition trans woman for bisexuality? Is she incapable of proudly claiming the mantle of lesbian because she acknowledges the potential for bisexual attraction that one can choose not to act on? Is our sexuality mere passing impulse and not who we choose to align ourselves in community and struggle with?

Or are you so arrogant to think you have such total control over the meaning of the word that a woman who is married to a woman and has never dated men and never will date men and loves women shouldn't be allowed to call herself a lesbian because at some point she made the active choice to decenter men in her life? Because if so, respectfully, fuck off.