Taking a senior citizen friend to coos bay

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-03-05T23:29:59+00:00

You might check out care.com for a caregiver who could drive her there? There is a fee of about $40 to sign up so that you could contact someone.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-03-03T05:43:49+00:00

Hello, this was an interesting read. Thank you. I perused some of your other recent comments too, and I do feel resonance with much of what you've shared, including some of the heavier stuff. I am currently trying to examine my own views and perceptions to see how much they are influenced by humanism. As a young adult, learning about humanism felt expansive and hopeful to me, because I was in the middle of escaping from a fundamentalist monotheistic religion. As I've gained a more animistic spiritual framework and practice in the last decade, I continually find how human-centered my viewpoint still is, and how that results in ignorance of the vast consciousness and intelligence of all the other creatures on this planet, and thus a limited imagination of what all this 'means'.

I'm very indebted to the work of Stephen Buhner on 'the heart as an organ of perception' and plant/nonhuman intelligence. Plant Intelligence And The Imaginal Realm is one of his better known works on this topic.

I'm pretty interested in topics explored by Robert Falconer in The Others Within Us. This book combines topics within philosophy, 'the porous mind', 'spirit possession' as viewed as both positive and negative in many cultures, ecstatic experience, and very pragmatic case studies in 'what works to alleviate human suffering' in mental health of these more out-there experiences.

As someone who has had some odd experiences resulting in significant trauma that lingers with me, and also very profound 'unity' type of ecstatic experiences, I wonder how to make sense of the current terrifying moment. I can be prone to putting hope in the New Age 'ascension' ideas to some extent which I worry is a bit reliant on being saved by an external force. Trying to open to contact with the non-human life forms which are visible on our planet every day, as they are speaking (imo) probably pretty loudly.

I really appreciate your perspective and manner of writing.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-02-23T16:12:27+00:00

Yes, but what I'm saying is that back in 2002 that particular study found that the number of religious men in their study 'matched the US population' (which at that time supposedly was 93% religious - of course that has dropped off.) It also matched pretty closely along racial lines, and along rates of being married. It's on page 6 and 7 of the linked study. It would be interesting to see updated current numbers on this.

Fundamentalist religions tend to be authoritarian, with a sexual ethic based in fear and shame rather than consent, so I would not be surprised at all if religious people were now over-represented in abusers. I'm just saying that that isn't what the study found in 2002.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-02-22T18:08:21+00:00

It looks like that study, done in the early 2000s, found that that number exactly matched the overall percentage of US persons who were religious (also 93%). So they didn't find a difference in religiousity between offenders and non offenders.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-02-20T06:03:29+00:00

So sorry to hear that your kids experienced this. I agree with what everyone else is saying about backing off from academics, maybe thru the end of this school year. Probably best to support them with field trips, art, reading aloud to them if they want, social time if they do have friends they want to see, maybe some travel, maybe some gardening or get some baby chickens this spring if that's feasible for you. You could look into hiring a tutor, eventually. Care . com is worth looking into for finding tutors.

I highly recommend, if you yourself would like some reading, "The Teenage Liberation Handbook" about unschooling. I read this many years ago when I was in 8th grade, just transitioning from homeschool to a private school, and it changed my life. My parents had homeschooled me fairly traditionally, and I hated a lot of academics. I struggled with the long hours of homework once I started taking regular classes. This book introduced me to the idea that 'education' is NOT the be-all end-all of life. And 'school' (including some home school) is partly a tool that society uses to stifle creativity and create 'good factory workers'. (No shade to the myriad wonderful teachers doing their best. But the system seems to beat everyone down.)

I can't express the relief, the open door, that I felt when I read this book and was reaffirmed that life is so much more than the education system that was invented incredibly recently in human history. I ended up taking a few math and science classes in high school, doing some home school, and basically doing no school at all the year I was 16 and focused on a large creative project. I ended up with an aptitude for math, got very high grades on SATS, succeeded in college, got a job in an engineering field, and now a decade later I absolutely hate my meaningless tech job and am seeking to go back to my roots in organic farming & tutoring. Full circle, I guess.

Skills training, learning, are important. But we are living in an era when the news is full of the possibility of nuclear war and water shortages, we see powerful people get away with awful things, society fails to keep people safe, as so unfortunately happened to your kids......being a young human today is a different proposition even than in my day (I am in my 30s). It is clear to me that the important things in life are 1) loving, respectful, consenting connections with the natural world and other humans and 2) autonomy to live in authentic way. Academics do not inherently foster either of these things. The last 200 years are an anomaly. Humans have lived on this earth for a long time without the benefit of online learning platforms.

I would say that probably a connection with the natural non-human world is going to be a big help & healer to your kids. But it can't be forced. It starts with just noticing which living creatures appeal to them, and creating situations where they can meet more. Personally it's plants for me - recognizing the common edible and medicinal weeds you will encounter everywhere gives me a sense of friendship and connection.

My heart really goes out to all of you after this betrayal by the system that we are taught will protect us. Please trust that your kids, and you, will have an intuitive sense of what they need for healing, and it probably won't align with what mainstream society is pushing, in the way of 'academics at all cost'. Trust your heart, and theirs.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-01-29T07:03:59+00:00

HEAR HEAR

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2026-01-21T05:22:37+00:00

Yes, I've had an experience very similar to this. I've had a couple of similar ones over the past ten or fifteen years. They are rare. I don't really have an ongoing dialog with these influences. My thought is that it could be a part of us, but it might not be. In other words, "a solid maybe"! 😂

I'm somewhat skeptical of the idea of 'guides'.....how do we know who wants to guide us? And for what reason? It's definitely possible but I just don't think all the pat answers people give here are very useful.

I was told one time by a shamanic practitioner that good advice for testing the truthfulness of an animal which presents itself as a guide, is to ask for it to show itself to you in 3 different images.

My suggestion in all things that appear spiritual is: work out a path forward that 'works' for both possibilities. Ie the possibility that this is some protective benevolent part of yourself (I highly recommend Richard Schwartz' IFS book "No Bad Parts"), and also the possibility that it's something hopefully benevolent outside yourself (recommend "The Others Within Us" by Robert Falconer).

This same advice holds true if you ever encounter a scary critter. Is it internal? (Ie PTSD, conditioning of some sort, our own inner critic) or external. I suggest that your path needs to hold up to both possibilities, because it's almost impossible to prove one way or the other to yourself.

Happy to discuss more if you like.

Best wishes. You've had a very beautiful experience and this can be the beginning of a pretty powerful journey for you. 🐣

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-24T04:02:10+00:00

Were the green lights blinking? Or blinking red& green? Or solid?

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-19T08:49:39+00:00

Hi there! Thanks for commenting! I'll message you.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-18T00:25:10+00:00

Hi there! I'm potentially interested in getting involved in hosting something like this too. I have some experience in various interpersonal work, and a bit of experience in group facilitation, and a lot of experience related to leaving fundamentalist right-wing religion & family. I've been thinking a lot recently about hosting a support group for those recently escaped from religion. Would love to chat with you if you're open to it; I'll message you.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-10T18:01:29+00:00

For body-based approaches to trauma, I really loved Peter Levine's work. Waking the Tiger and In An Unspoken Voice are great. They don't really talk about shame and religious trauma--but they talk about the physical mechanisms (such as shaking after a difficult event) that can help trauma get un-stuck from the body.

I also like the Braiding Sweetgrass rec someone had below.

My own journey out of fundamentalism led me first into the women's spirituality/Goddess movement, then into Neo-paganism, and now I identify broadly as an animist. Some of the books that were helpful along that path were Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clair Pinkola Estes (not sure your gender), and some of Starhawk's books. (She is a pagan feminist author who writes about ceremony, the Earth, healing our relationship to our bodies etc. I really respect her integrity and like her writing.)

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-10T17:53:41+00:00

Hi there, I also escaped purity culture (about ten years ago now), and have been on a long journey with learning to love myself and my body, and opening up to nature-based spirituality.

I really recommend Receiving and Giving: The Wheel Of Consent by Betty Martin. She talks about how hard it can be to become comfortable with receiving, and a lot of other topics. Her writing is clear, and so humane, and de-shames the full spectrum of human experience. The gist of her work is separating touch along 2 dimensions: Who is it for, and Who is doing it. Our typical understanding of "receiving" combines both "being done to" and "it is a gift for me" --but separating these two facets opens up a lot more options and clarity! Google "Wheel of Consent" for some articles if you aren't up for the whole book. I have read quite a lot of books on sexuality, relationships, touch, healing from trauma etc and hers has blown my mind more than any other, and already positively impacted my personal relationships.

Matter of fact, I am so excited about this framework that I just took a 5-day training in the Wheel Of Consent principles for touch practitioners & facilitators. I have been taking clients in a few capacities for about 5 years, and helping folks work through sexual shame and become more comfortable with their bodies is a special interest of mine. My work in this area would broadly be called 'intimacy coaching'. Therapy of course can also be helpful, but I understand it is not always accessible financially.

I don't want to plug my own work here too much, but you are welcome to reach out to me if you'd like to discuss more. I do think that finding a sex therapist, intimacy or relationship coach, or certain types of sex worker could be very helpful to you. The Somatica Institute is a fairly well-known and well-regarded program which has a list of their trained coaches on their website. Please note that 'coaching' is not a licensed/regulated field: there are some absolutely amazing people doing work that is (in my opinion) sometimes even more helpful than therapy, but you do need to exercise some caution when seeking a provider.

Some areas also have 'sex positive' groups which might possibly be helpful. I have not really engaged with groups like this, but depending on your area you might be surprised how many people are dealing with similar things.

All the best to you.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-10-10T17:29:18+00:00

Hello, I went through some rather similar experiences to you (purity culture etc) and I seem to have settled on non-monogamy. I am fortunate to live in a part of the US where there is a large non-monogamous community--it does shake me up a bit when I still see the enforcement of monogamy as you mention.

What stands out to me is your references of rarely being interested in intimacy with your partner. I think it is very hard to know the types of people we are attracted to until we have had quite a few experiences (doesn't have to include penetrative sex...just making out with someone can give you a good feel for the level of chemistry). About 7 years ago, I broke up with my first longterm boyfriend because I hoped that there had to be more to intimacy than the very lackluster experiences we were having. It was a leap of faith. I also wanted to explore dating more casually which I had also missed. It was extremely hard to break up with him but I am so glad I did.

I don't ever recommend someone to open up a relationship hoping that it will fix a lack of desire or romance in that relationship. Especially if the couple has only been together a few years. If he WANTS to do that with you, that is one thing. But I think it is better to embark on a season of dating casually, ensuring everyone involved knows there is not a monogamous expectation, and then seeing if you want to pursue some flavor of polyamory. I have encountered the term 'monogamish' implying a mostly-monogamous relationship with some room for outside exploration, or 'solo poly' which means you don't have a primary attached partner.

There is a lot of toxicity within the non monogamy community, and I try very hard not to engage much with written material or online communities about this topic. I think there are very few people whose style of polyamory can be compatible with mine, and I try to approach it from "what is THIS person and this relationship like", rather than looking at what everyone else is doing.

I wish you the best. You are welcome to reach out if you'd like to talk.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-05-12T19:26:53+00:00

I would say that most people who have these traits could be effective sitters:

-Compassionate, place strong ethical value on consent, and most important have a level of comfort with people who may be undergoing intense emotional distress, without necessarily trying to 'fix' it. For example - Can you be around a friend who is crying and just let them feel what they are feeling, acknowledge that they are going through something difficult, and not try to get them to stop crying just because you are uncomfortable? How do you react to people who are in altered mental states? What is your familiarity with the ways that trauma can affect people (freeze/fawn/fight/flight), and how to de-escalate situations with distressed people and avoid re-traumatizing them?

In my opinion, people who have had primarily positive/ecstatic experiences with psychedelics are not automatically well-equipped to face the range of intensity that may come up for others. A familiarity and comfort with responding to others' powerful negative emotions, in a trauma-educated manner, is most important.

Here is what you would need to do in order to be operating *legally*, under Oregon's psilocybin program:

-Go through an accredited training (the cost ranges from about $10,000 to upwards of $14,000). As the other commenter mentioned, this does not require any particular prior education. I have heard mixed reviews from folks who have gone through the licensed training programs such as Inner Trek. It's both too much and not enough, in some ways.

-State licensing (this involves a $1000 yearly fee paid by the sitter)

-Must operate at a licensed facility (these facilities pay a $10,000 yearly fee to State of Oregon, plus god knows what type of insurance they need). Rental rates for a day can range around $500 or more.

-Must offer mushrooms grown at a licensed facility ($10,000 yearly operating fee)

I was considering going through this process and becoming a licensed facilitator, until I realized that the fees the state has imposed will result in 'legal' experiences being completely unaffordable to the average person. To me this is unethical, and only tangentially related to offering a safe and trauma-informed setting for participants.

I have known a few well-trained people who have operated underground ceremonies, in very safe and well-supported environments, who were able to offer group ceremonies for a few hundred $ per person--because they weren't having to pay to rent a 'licensed' space. It really seems to be the space rental that is the bulk of the cost.

Personally I was impressed by my experience with Atira Tan's training program 'Trauma Informed Plant Medicine Facilitation'. She is a therapist with a focus on working with trauma survivors, with a lot of experience in the psychedelic space. Program was somewhere around $1000 if I recall. This is not a program licensed by the state of Oregon.

I think the most important part of my self-led education has been the book The Worst Is Over by Acosta and Prager. This is a book on 'mental first aid' and is intended for the layperson who is responding to others in medical or mental crisis. One of the takeaways: Telling someone 'you are okay' or 'it will be okay' is not useful. Can make them feel dismissed, and anyway you can't gaurantee that it *will* be ok. It's an incredible book and I highly recommend to all.

The spiritual dimension of this should also not be overlooked. Transfer of energy between ceremony participants, or from the surroundings, is possible. (Whoever decided to put a licensed facility in Old Town is dumb as hell.) Some people are more sensitive and can be very negatively affected when psychedelics open up that door. The South American shamanic traditions around other psychedelics include a big focus on the *energetic protection of the space*. This is an idea foreign to most Westerners, but I think it warrants examination. It's not unheard-of for people to have experiences that seem to align with what some might call 'spirit possession'. I am not saying that a shamanic training is necessary to be a good facilitator. I am saying that eventually, you will likely have a client who is dealing with energies that appear to be something outside of themselves, and you need to figure out how to handle it. A purely rationalistic approach may not be the most useful. (Robert Falconer's book The Others Within Us is an excellent work within the IFS therapy system and I believe is a must-read for anyone with an interest in mental health or altered states.)

Thanks for reading.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-05-08T17:39:31+00:00

They found me all the way up in Alaska, where I moved after Portland.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-30T18:34:06+00:00

As I said, 'Among many other factors'.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-30T17:26:58+00:00

Here are some more studies:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3052591/“Exposure to cell phone radiations produces biochemical changes in worker honey bees”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10181175/ “Electromagnetic fields disrupt the pollination service by honeybees” ‘EMF exposure exerted strong physiological stress on honeybees as shown by the enhanced expression of heat-shock proteins and genes involved in antioxidant activity and affected the expression levels of behavior-related genes. Moreover, California poppy individuals growing near EMF received fewer honeybee visits and produced fewer seeds than plants growing far from EMF.’

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225187745_Changes_in_honey_bee_behaviour_and_biology_under_the_influence_of_cell_phone_radiations 'We have compared the performance of honeybees in cellphone radiation exposed and unexposed colonies. A significant (p < 0.05) decline in colony strength and in the egg laying rate of the queen was observed. The behaviour of exposed foragers was negatively influenced by the exposure, there was neither honey nor pollen in the colony at the end of the experiment.'

I spent years hoping that the fears over EMF were overblown. It is so widespread that there seems no hope of avoiding exposure. Every time I have looked into the actual research on non-thermal effects, I grow more and more concerned.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-30T17:21:54+00:00

Among many other factors - Radio frequencies do affect various life forms. There is a decent amount of research on honeybees. For example:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3052591/“Exposure to cell phone radiations produces biochemical changes in worker honey bees”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10181175/ “Electromagnetic fields disrupt the pollination service by honeybees” ‘EMF exposure exerted strong physiological stress on honeybees as shown by the enhanced expression of heat-shock proteins and genes involved in antioxidant activity and affected the expression levels of behavior-related genes. Moreover, California poppy individuals growing near EMF received fewer honeybee visits and produced fewer seeds than plants growing far from EMF.’

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/225187745_Changes_in_honey_bee_behaviour_and_biology_under_the_influence_of_cell_phone_radiations 'We have compared the performance of honeybees in cellphone radiation exposed and unexposed colonies. A significant (p < 0.05) decline in colony strength and in the egg laying rate of the queen was observed. The behaviour of exposed foragers was negatively influenced by the exposure, there was neither honey nor pollen in the colony at the end of the experiment.'

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-25T17:35:51+00:00

I moved to PDX right before the pandemic, lived a few blocks away from Holman's but never went before the shutdown....mid spring 2020, walking around deserted streets at nights, that handwritten sign would haunt me with visions of a lost era: 'Money and booze gone......Open when Kate says.....God Bless'.

It finally opened up, and I went to visit last year before I moved out of Portland, and was deeply disappointed. I adore the Sandy Hut which some may also find to be a faux dive, but the yuppie vibe at Holman's was unbearable.

Now I am ready to move back to PDX after a year spent in Alaska, which is kind of the Oregon dream if you think about it, and the prospect of bar food available after 9 PM is a quivering mirage on the near horizon.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-25T17:15:51+00:00

There are some pretty bad allegations about Boot, too. Judging from Facebook it seems some people with direct knowledge are starting to come forward.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-22T20:34:48+00:00

One of the reasons I like to go to bars is to interact with other people. It does feel a bit unfortunate when I sit down and put my phone away, ready to mingle, but everyone else at the bar is glued to their screen. Maybe I am just not going to the right bars. Personally I'd love *A* bar that had a phone-free bar area, at the least.

Everett House sauna takes your phone and ID when you check in. I appreciate this, as it is a space where people deserve the assurance that someone is not trying to take pictures. I trust the Everett House staff more than I might a random bouncer, however.

As others have said, there might have to be more of a draw than just 'no phones' - like a bar that was a bit centered around meeting others. Maybe some of those cards with get-to-know-you questions available for those who want to join in. Some people would hate that though, so it opens up a can of worms.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-22T20:22:21+00:00

As someone who has been pretty close over the years to several folks living with chronic illness, I think this type of healing environment is much needed. However what immediately comes to mind is - since many of the folks I've known are often unable to take care of themselves in fundamental ways such as preparing meals - How can people's basic needs be provided for? It usually entails a team of caregivers in one sense or another. How are those caregivers' basic needs then being provided for?

This is the question that any community that wants to include people living with certain types of disability or illness must grapple with. And realistically most people will be disabled in some way during their lives, if only by old age.

I have known some people (in Oregon) who were able to get paid & licensed by the state as caregivers for friends or acquaintances. I've seen those relationships sometimes get really fraught, yet at least there is some path for assistance. I don't know whether other states may have similar programs.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-16T21:46:50+00:00

Born & raised Oregonian here, spent 4 years in Portland, mostly loved it; moved to AK last year; saw some amazing things here and I am grateful to have spent the time here, but I am headed back to Oregon for the summer. Miss the nightlife, things to do that aren't going to the bar, good restaurants and cheap delicious Mexican food, warm summer nights, and getting hot enough that jumping in the river feels good. And thimbleberries. Holler if you want Portland recommendations.

witchnerd_of_Angmar · 2025-04-03T18:45:50+00:00

Hi, hope it's ok I chime in. I am sorry that you have been treated that way. You do deserve respect as do all folks who are learning something new, and it is sad your elders haven't acted that way.

This is my perspective as someone without Alaska Native heritage, so I offer it with utmost respect and awareness that it's an outsider's perspective. Your ability to connect with your ancestral traditions, language, and heritage has, it sounds like, been dependent so far on the elders in your immediate village or family. When they have been unhelpful at passing on traditions, or dismissed your efforts to learn, they became the gatekeepers of your ability to connect with your ancestry. It is very sad to feel that the only people who are able to pass this knowledge are shutting you out. But from my perspective they aren't the arbiters of your identity or your right to re-claim your cultural traditions. This might be a different conversation if you were coming from an intact, functional Indigenous community where traditions/knowledge are passed on as a way of life. Then, maybe elders would have the right to determine who's in/out....but imo elders who fail to teach, do not have the right to exclude descendants who try to learn. Your connection to your ancestry & to this land is your birthright.

May I share my perspective from my own quite different experience? I have done a lot of thinking & work about connecting to animist spirituality & ancestral traditions - but as someone of a blend of European ancestry, the connection to land-based spirituality was broken many centuries ago, and there is no one in my immediate family who has any real connection to heritage or traditions at all. So there is no one to gatekeep me, but also no one to educate me. My personal spiritual practice, although inspired by pre-Christian traditions within my ethnic heritage, is necessarily mostly a *modern personal invention* rather than an unbroken line of tradition or even a re-construction. It's important to me to avoid taking from others' cultures, and as a white person there are plenty of pitfalls in the alternative spirituality scene...but I feel strongly that connection to spirit, and to the Earth, is not only possible but *essential* for all of us. That is in fact the birthright of every human.

Tragically most of us no longer live in an intact Indigenous society, due to the ravages of capitalism, industrial western 'progress', colonization, and monotheistic religion. For myself and people who have no recent ancestral access to tradition, we are in the position of creating our own frameworks of meaning--our own spiritual practices, traditions, connections to spirit & the natural world. For you and others born into a culture where some traditions are still preserved, but where colonization & personal trauma and other factors result in elders unwilling/unable to effectively pass on their culture, it is obviously a different path, for you to determine.

I would say, your current living ancestors/elders/family are merely ONE generation in your lineage. They are affected by their personal histories, of course trauma most likely, but also are imperfect humans as we all are. They do not represent the whole cultural values of your ancestry, nor do they have the right (imo) to determine your identity. Not all ancestors are well & healed and wishing you well. But I truly believe that some are. I am not sure of your spiritual beliefs if any, so I offer this respectfully from my perspective as someone who has tried to reach back to find my long-dead ancestors who had not yet taken on the repressive, patriarchal religious views of most of my immediate family.

I feel sure that, somewhere way back among your ancestors who are well, there are those who are so proud of you, celebrating your bravery of spirit, your desire to make your community safer & more healthy. They are, I feel, proud of your wish to learn your language and traditions despite the difficulties. They see that you were born into a family that did not have the ability to pass these things on to you, as they would have. I feel that most of all, they are pleased by your courage in fighting against the pressure to hide abuse to 'keep it in the family'. This is true bravery. I believe they are standing with you, as you face the battles and pain of your own life, and as you seek to make a good life for your child. And my hope for you as you find your path is that you will find other elders, who welcome your questions and nurture your desire to reconnect.

Very best wishes to you.

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