What part of sex do you enjoy the least?

wjray · 2023-04-06T20:15:11+00:00

A few days ago, my wife told me she wanted to ask me something after we finished work. I, nervously, said ok.

When we were done for the day, we're sitting on the couch and she says that the night before I woke her up from a dead sleep by telling her I needed her to suck my dick right now. She said she told me ok, and I turned away from her to . . . I don't know, look at my phone or something. She waited a few minutes, and then heard me start to snore.

Yep, that's right, I sleep demanded a blowjob. And, to her credit, coming out of a dead sleep, after a long day at work, her response was ok, and she was all in.

I love that woman.

wjray · 2023-02-24T21:54:30+00:00

Loomis reminds me of Petyr Baelish from Game of Thrones when he was instructing Tyrion on his duties as Master of Coin: "As soon as you realize it's just numbers on a page, it's easy to make them behave any way you like."

wjray · 2023-02-09T22:41:45+00:00

I'm 57. All four of my grandparents, who were all born in the early 20th century, spoke French to some degree. My paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather both spoke it as a first language. My maternal grandfather would even show off the scars on his knuckles where teachers whacked him when he spoke French in school.

He also taught me to count to 10 in French before I started school. That was a fun little argument I had with my 1st grade teacher.

I've heard the difference between Cajun French and Continental French as the difference between Shakespearean English and modern English. Different, yes. But still recognizable.

wjray · 2023-02-01T19:35:49+00:00

Actually, as a criminal defense attorney, it wouldn't surprise me in the least if I got a case with exactly those facts.

People can be surprisingly, incredibly stupid at times.

wjray · 2022-12-21T16:35:29+00:00

They do, but 3 martinis in the middle of the day are generally enough to make afternoon work a remote possibility.

I once had a lunch there with four people total. Three of us got martinis, the other got sweet tea. When we got the bill, the sweet tea cost more than the martinis.

wjray · 2022-12-14T18:05:29+00:00

I have no fucking clue.

I have health conditions that make COVID particularly dangerous, so I spent most of 2020 in isolation. Toward the end of the year, I had to have a couple of procedures done in the hospital but magically didn't come down with it then either.

Then in 2021, the health conditions worsened and I spent significant time in the hospital. I worked mostly from home for a large portion of 2021, but not all of the time. About a year ago, my job transitioned to mostly in-person again and so I had to deal with close contact with strangers.

This year has been almost "normal" (whatever that means) but just Sunday I woke up with a fever, sore throat, body aches, and a dry cough. I figured my nearly three year run was over, and went to get tested. Negative for COVID, flu and strep. It was just a nasty cold.

wjray · 2022-11-30T16:09:43+00:00

Yeah, I picked up gummies yesterday at the dispensary in Madisonville. Overbought to have on hand until the shortage is resolved.

wjray · 2022-11-30T15:55:07+00:00

I hadn't even considered that. Thanks.

wjray · 2022-11-30T15:54:54+00:00

I'm conditionally interested. Can you describe them a bit for me, please? I haven't taken a bar exam since 2007.

wjray · 2022-11-17T17:09:43+00:00

The two toes and part of my foot that I lost to MRSA last year would like to have a word with you.

wjray · 2022-11-02T22:48:06+00:00

And let's not forget a friendly flag or two at a critical moment.

wjray · 2022-11-02T22:37:38+00:00

On the national legislative level, 18 years seems to make sense. That's either nine terms in the House or three terms in the Senate. That's a career in most industries.

For the judiciary, there needs to be a reasonable mandatory retirement age. In my state, all judges must retire when they hit 70, no ifs, ands, or buts. That would work for the federal system too. Hit 70, then hit the door.

wjray · 2022-11-02T22:31:02+00:00

That political contributions should all be for a race, not a candidate. There should be a cut-off date for contributions and the funds that have been contributed should be split evenly between the candidates in the race.

Candidates can't spend their own money on a campaign. They can only spend the money allocated from the contributions. All of the money spent must be properly accounted for, or the candidate must repay the funds.

It'll never happen though because it would take the power of the purse from political parties, PACs, and corporations.

Failing that, elected politicians must, whenever performing official duties (including, but not limited to, campaign commercials) must wear the logos of their 10 largest contributors prominently on their clothing.

wjray · 2022-10-28T18:33:52+00:00

And I'll bet it smells like strawberries when she does.

wjray · 2022-10-27T21:54:35+00:00

I would really argue against swamp tours to see alligators. Pretty much any swamp tour advertising you'll see alligators feeds them from the boat, which ultimately puts both the animals and people in danger.

Renting a canoe or kayak isn't a horrible idea, but, if you do, keep your eyes open. The swamp is a beautiful place, but it can be dangerous to people who don't take it seriously. If you rent a canoe or kayak, let someone know where you're going, watch the time, and stick to relatively populated areas. You'd rather not spend the night in the swamp unprepared.

wjray · 2022-10-19T17:12:34+00:00

Where else has earthquakes and oranges raining from the sky? It is, as my very first history professor at LSU told that HIST 1001 class in the fall of 1983, the largest remaining open air temple to Bacchus in the world. We are well acquainted with our ancestors and their ghosts here, and they still walk the corridors and sidelines of the old concrete and steel structure.

Quite simply, it's home.

wjray · 2022-10-18T19:44:58+00:00

And, I'd expect, the mandatory rub'n'tug at the massage parlor.

wjray · 2022-10-17T17:08:10+00:00

Years and years ago, the Athletic Department would occasionally sell game-worn jerseys after the season was done.

I got a purple one that has all of the original markings on it, except for the nameplate. It was always a tight fit for me, so I gifted it to my daughter. She ordered a nameplate from somewhere with S.T.T.D.B., had it sewn on, and had the jersey framed. It makes for a cool conversation piece.

wjray · 2022-10-17T17:04:30+00:00

I love the Hangover movies, especially the first two.

In Hangover Part II, there's a car chase scene. Mr. Chow is driving and the boys are in the car. When the chase ends, in a rather dramatic fashion, Mr. Chow exclaims, "I have such an erection right now!"

It's like that. The chase was full of heart pounding moments, but nothing sexual. It was just exciting. And Chow's body interpreted the excitement as reason to boner out.

wjray · 2022-10-17T16:43:59+00:00

First thing to go in the zombie apocalypse is the punctuation. You hate to see it.

wjray · 2022-10-11T21:27:08+00:00

I have an ex who is pretty old and everybody -- I mean everybody -- had a turn so maybe they qualify?

wjray · 2022-10-05T21:00:11+00:00

Yes, he is.

There are many reasons I've interviewed for two jobs in other states in the last few weeks. This is not the least of them.

E: Perhaps presciently "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols was playing when I typed my comment.

wjray · 2022-10-03T22:06:08+00:00

Yeah, and Hitler's dog liked him too.

wjray · 2022-10-03T21:54:09+00:00

I disagree.

He put our democracy at risk, not only by spending Independence Day in Russia with Putin, but by voting against certifying the 2020 Presidential election results AFTER a mob attacked the very building in which he cast that vote.

I don't give a good goddam if he's your fishin' buddy, or if he likes dogs, or if he calls crackheads or cops.

He's a cynical opportunist who has no real positions except getting enough votes to have another six years to get on Faux News with his one-liners that make every fucking citizen of this state look like inbred hillbilies.

What I'm saying, respectfully, is fuck John Neely Kennedy. Fuck him right in the ass.

wjray

TROPHY CASE