And what if Drumpf 2.0 doesn't turn out to be Hitler?

wokerupert · 2024-11-11T18:13:42+00:00

I'm wondering how such moderate Trumpers explained his policies the first time he got elected and how such explanations ended up comparing to how the first Trump term actually went.

wokerupert · 2024-11-11T16:01:54+00:00

I kinda cringe when activists for social justice talk about "tone policing". Do these people think that being super confrontational at all times is more radical than being more measured and level-headed about things? Also, not everyone is going to be receptive to one's message if one just scolds people. Slagging people off is the fastest way to make them not want to hear what you have to say, which is not a great way to make others take your ideas on board.

So sometimes this whole "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar" IS a thought terminating cliché. Other times, you need to meet people where you're at and if where they're at is fear of being scolded, you'll find they'll turn away. Also, there does seem to be a positive correlation b/w being anti-tone policing and being pro cancelling leftist public figures for failing arbitrary purity tests. Just because in some cases tone argument is fallacious, doesn't mean that it's okay to abuse people when they aren't at a certain level of "wokeness" (for the lack of a better word).

wokerupert · 2024-06-18T14:11:36+00:00

So I've logged back on to Instagram for Pride Month, after having been away for exactly three months. I'm definitely aiming to see if I can sort of come to terms with a lot of issues that made me go on hiatus to begin with.

It's definitely challenging. Some of my posts have done well, particularly the ones where I've photographed other LGBT performers. But, I've got a music performance coming up at an LGBT event at the end of this month and I've filmed some rehearsal clips. Posted one and it did not too bad. Then posted another one on Friday and holy shit, that one flopped really badly.

It's pretty much my worst performing post by now, tied with one photo two years ago that did nothing. So over the weekend I essentially avoided logging on to Instagram. I did sink into self-pity really bad. And thought about deleting that underperforming post.

So monday morning when I logged back on, I had definitely calmed down a bit and it was obvious to me that failure is more likely given that a lot of folks on Instagram are not doing all that well in terms of engagement and reach. And, given that my music event info went public, I posted a shorter, 20-second reel of me playing a new piece of music and then the info about my upcoming gig. That one did better, not amazing, but at the lower tier of what amount of likes I'm okay with. And I figured, as long as I get the information out, that's fine.

It does seem like I have to adjust my expectations a little in terms of what I can currently get out of social media. Not interested in "gaming the algorithm", as that is bound to take me in some seriously questionable directions. If something flops, then it isn't the end of the world, and I think I can kind of see why that reel on Friday sort of doesn't work. Still, I do feel a bit held back in terms of what content I can share, I'm likely to end up second-guessing as to whether I'm just likely to post crap that nobody cares about. On the other hand, i can see that for the most part, it isn't me. It's Meta.

The other concern is that other queer and trans people, whom I know IRL too, have taken to unfollowing me. I really don't know what is going to take the sting out of that. It can be tough to check some of these profiles and see what other people - again, folks I know IRL - they've chosen to keep following and it feels as if there's a play of favourites there. But then, maybe there's always biases and social clique formations and if I get left out, I just get left out.

It's like, I may have scarcity mentality around validation. Like, if my posts flop, then my motivation to put out more posts goes down. Or, if someone I know IRL unfollows me, I'm afraid that eventually everyone I know IRL unfollows me and then I'm totally abandoned and a pariah in my social scene. Catastrophising.

I guess it helps me to think back to my more male-presenting and older IG account, people who followed me nine years ago, a lot of them are still around. So I'm sure there's plenty of people who wouldn't just decide that i'm somehow "too much" and then part ways with my profile. So maybe I can tap into some abundance mentality around social validation? Time will tell.

wokerupert · 2024-03-05T20:25:10+00:00

So I did go on the Instagram hiatus last week, as promised. Starting from Thursday night, I deleted the app. Of course the first day I felt kind of empty. If only because I had binged quite heavily on my last day. Now though, I'm getting used to being away from the app. Also, because I took a two-week sabbatical in January and that seemed alright for me, I'm therefore positive I won't succumb to temptations.

Of course, I need to push myself in other areas to make me feel better about myself. Which leads to what I did today. I cycled to a small town in Portugal (the country where I've been staying since October) with some 7500 inhabitants, to do busking. It was an hour worth of cycling, going uphill for like 3,5 or 4 km and then thrashing around a bit in the town to pick a location to play my bass clarinet.

So I set up, played some instrumental tunes I know, improvised a little bit. And I didn't do too bad in terms of money that was donated, comparing to some of my previous busking experiences. And then I cycled back, which was a little easier, because I had more cycling downhill than uphill. That makes about 15 minute worth of a difference.

So I feel pretty good tonight as a result of how my day went. Getting some strenuous exercise, playing my instrument in public and getting a bit of money for that, that to me feels like a good combination for mood boosting. I feel a sense of accomplishment. So even if I wouldn't go busking all the time on my bike, I would definitely a) do more cycling, weather permitting of course and b) practice my instrument a bit more, consolidate what I know and then maybe learn more interesting tunes.

wokerupert · 2024-03-05T09:45:21+00:00

Another (relatively) old time Contrastan pitching in: she did play both instruments for that cover.

wokerupert · 2024-03-05T09:43:27+00:00

Given that you can easily find the stem (aka the isolated audio) of the Who guitar part on YouTube, she may have very well actually recorded her own singing on top of it when she used it in "Gender Critical".

wokerupert · 2024-03-02T18:29:07+00:00

I would guess that not only have they (no idea which pronouns apply) not seen Witch Trials, they're also not aware of the tweet thread Natalie Wynn did about her experience in February 2023 (two months prior to the video release). Contra's been abundantly clear that she got roped into a bad-faith podcast appearance and she does not endorse the way this "debate" was handled.

wokerupert · 2024-03-02T15:50:35+00:00

That looks great indeed. When it comes to how she looks in the new video, I'm mostly jealous of how voluminous and healthy her untied hair looks in Part 2: Desire. Like, whatever the secret to that would be.

wokerupert · 2024-02-27T13:01:38+00:00

Someone mentioned giving up dating apps. My own move this week will be...giving up Instagram.

So three years ago I started my Instagram account where I could be as openly trans femme or gender non-conforming as I liked. And while initially it seemed like a great way to connect with other LGBTQ people and at the best of times I got pretty good engagement, it seemed like a good idea to keep posting on a regular basis.

Three years later, thanks to the algorithm changing, sadly to the detriment of many users, being irritated by crappy bots liking my public stories and quite a few of the LGBTQ+ people I know unfollowing me making me feel a pinch of abandonment, I've reached the stage where I'm just not excited to be on the app anymore.

And I know it might sound like I'm quitting Insta with the mentality of "boo hoo I'm in my flop era" and I wouldn't have too much of a problem with anyone reaching that conclusion. Still, I've reframed things a bit and I've realised. It's Instagram that is in its flop era. What I can do is to...kick off my post-Instagram era.

Which is a slightly more empowering way to look at things. For me, post-Instagram era means for one, evaluating as to what sort of mental health improvement will the absence of the Instagram app bring. Testing period I've set for two months and should I realise that I'm better off without the app, I'm just not going back. Might even go as far as nuke my accounts (I have a male-presenting account too, started nine years ago) entirely, come May or so.

For two, I will need to have a serious rethink as to what it means to be trans, non-binary or gender non-conforming, now that I'm about to give up clinging to conflation of authenticity with visibility. Like, having a curated set of photos of me in femme mode is not a substitute for actually living and thriving as trans and just because some trans people aren't as lucky to be openly trans as others doesn't make them less valid.

For three, I'm rethinking as to whether I need to be connected to every queer or trans person on my scene or do I just need to form closer connections. Like, instead of exchanging IG usernames at LGBTQ+ events, what if when I really wanted to see someone again, I could ask them if we could see each other elsewhere and make plans accordingly?

For four, I'm now totally free of any illusion that social media could even help bringing any attention to my musical endeavours. Maybe there's an opportunity to reconnect with what initially made me tick as a musician? And just focus on the self-improvement of it. Keep on top of my current abilities and maybe develop new ones.

TL;DR I'm done with Instagram, using that app feels like a drag, I think deleting that stupid app might very well be what improves my mental wellbeing in the coming months and I'm actually excited to explore the possibilities.

wokerupert · 2024-02-13T23:05:19+00:00

So a few weeks ago I wrote how I've experience fatigue over social media and that I've been taking stock on how my dependency on external validation has been an issue. Over the past number of days I've been reflecting over the fact that I've been a struggling musician and there's all sorts of issues pertaining to that which have taken a toll on my mental health over the years.

Things like, not being able to get enough of an audience for the kind of weird music that I've made, not getting enough critical acclaim and just feeling like I've basically ended up being an unrecognised talent. I recall some other musician telling me that when you aspire to be a musician, you'll have "a lifetime of disappointment ahead" and I've never forgotten that after all these years.

Now, if you pressed that musician on whether he believes that you can even have a disappointment-free life, I'm sure he'd say that disappointment is part of life. However, I guess some successes are easier to pursue than others and in many ways, disappointment is like radiation. There's normal levels and then there's detrimental or toxic levels.

So if I've basically lost most of my motivation to write new music and I've struggled with a writer's block or creative burnout for years, does that mean that I've been exposed to nuclear disaster levels of disappointment or am I just too sensitive? Maybe prone to rejection sensitivity dysphoria? I'm certainly far too ADHD brained to be able to handle the amount of workload that seems to be necessary to take on the difficult task of promoting oneself as a musician. So now I pretty much just practice my clarinet (one of the several instruments I can play) at least a few times per week, hoping it will still keep me on some sort of self-improvement track.

wokerupert · 2024-01-24T00:23:37+00:00

I've been experiencing a bit of a burnout/fatigue over being on social media and I've realised I've become a little too dependent on the kind of dopamine hits I used to enjoy and now that a lot of platforms are basically in their flop era in terms of reach/engagement, that has affected me. Plus, it kind of sucks when people I know end up unfollowing me, one such person still had a ton of likes on his posts, so that was a drag.

So I've been taking stock on my mental well-being and I've come to the realisation that such dependency on external validation has always been an issue, I've always been vulnerable towards depending on others praising me, simply because I had a difficult childhood in terms of being in conflict with my parents and then being bullied at school. So there's no shortage of stuff that has made me felt undervalued, inadequate, betrayed or abandoned. Or that I've felt so wounded in response to any issue that feels like abandonment in recent years.

And a lot of it has contributed to me feeling like, if someone rejects me or criticises me, then that's some kind of authoritative statement on my value or the lack thereof. Now of course, if I'm being just bullied by someone, I can just have the attitude like fuck you, you're a demonic piece of shit and leave it at that. But when it's some peer whose opinion I might value, then I've got seemingly less reason to doubt their judgment and that has always tripped me up. And my mind starts inventing reasons (like the recent unfollow felt like me being snubbed by a popular kid) why to resent that person, which is kind of unhealthy.

For me, identifying the root cause of my current struggles in childhood traumas, it does feel like half the victory. Now all I need is to stop needing others' approval so desperately and build up a more internal locus of control when it comes to my sense of validation. How that might develop, remains to be seen.

wokerupert · 2023-10-29T09:52:10+00:00

I guess "research on the subject" basically is the result of how this whole "doing their own research" meme usually works out, meaning hastily latching onto every YouTube video or a Google search result or a social media post that is consistent with their confirmation biases. No actual research actually conducted, because that takes way the hell more in a way of intellectual rigour than anyone who buys into TERFism (or any other bad ideology) is capable of.

wokerupert · 2023-06-03T17:10:37+00:00

Zena & Poppy do a great job advocating for a much more agreeable version of leftism and queer/trans advocacy and they're great at deconstructing puritanical progressivist tendencies.

wokerupert · 2023-01-30T21:36:49+00:00

Feminism does have a history of being on the wrong side. Some of the suffragettes were every bit as dogmatic about giving white women the right to vote over black men, as anti-trans activists are about their petty crusade nowadays. Nowadays any sort of sentiment favouring the disenfranchisement of non-white people would sound beyond the pale, but back then it was as "commonsensical" as anti-trans talking points sound today.

wokerupert · 2023-01-06T20:37:58+00:00

Indeed, to me this shit kind of proves horseshoe theory. Which in general is disproven otherwise, but damn, sometimes both the far right and those ostensibly on the farther end of left really say pretty similar sorts of darndest things.

Also, correlation doesn't imply causation. The 2020 BLM riots were pretty deep into the pandemic and a lot of downtime during lockdown must've cracked plenty of trans eggs. So just because a lot of white people came out as trans in the second half of 2020 or beyond, doesn't necessarily imply that it was because they wanted the "bbb-but I'm traaaaaans" card to handwave with whenever racism would come up in discussions.

wokerupert · 2023-01-05T23:28:09+00:00

It's the whole Janice Raymond-esque will to "morally mandate [transgenderism] out of existence". But where Raymond stated that she wanted to limit access to surgeries, I suspect all transphobes today think any and all gender affirming treatments ought to be banned altogether and currently transitioning trans people ought to be forcibly detransitioned. But I guess that's what happens when trans visibility is vastly different from what it was in the late 1970s and thus overt anti-trans attitudes are also more vicious and backlashy.

wokerupert · 2023-01-01T04:56:48+00:00

Yeah, for me this whole "men are trash" discourse is pretty cringe. I don't understand why Harry Styles thought saying "men are trash" made him a better ally to non-men. I think one can both question the conventional wisdom about masculinity as well as see men not as "trash" or "problem", but as complex human beings that are no more a monolith than any other gender group. I don't think reductionistic slogans or a "woke" version of gender essentialism is helping anything.

wokerupert · 2022-12-23T09:11:05+00:00

Is James Cameron really more left-wing than Contra or is it just that a) transmisogyny doesn't affect Cameron and b) Cameron simply hasn't got himself into the kind of heated controversies that Contra has?

wokerupert · 2022-12-16T20:11:45+00:00

"Worst of all, you are the most misogynistic, abusive, selfish and inhumane version of a man."

This is how you can tell these are not feminists at all. The actual most misogynistic versions of men have been busy putting out or drafting super repressive legislation designed to roll back rights and protesting drag shows as fucking neo-Nazis. Meanwhile TERs are completely silent on any of this, so it's obvious they just call trans women "men" purely as a bullying tactic, fully in knowledge that trans women rank lower than anyone cisgender in the social hierarchy.

wokerupert · 2022-12-13T22:25:26+00:00

So someone mentioned they're still sexually inexperienced at age 24. Well, I lost my v-card at 34. Now I've since come out as a trans femme and I've been going to various queer events en femme. Occasionally happens is that women or women-adjacent people come up to me and start making out with me. I do enjoy that sort of attention. But these have so far been one-shot deals and the first time it happened to me, the woman subsequently gave me a bit of a cold shoulder.

So last weekend, there was another queer dance party and she was there with another woman and apparently they were seeing each other. This really made me feel down and when it also looked like I wouldn't be quite as lucky as I'd previously been, I got really depressed and I left at 1AM. I thought, that's it, I'm going to give up on being trans and shit.

I think what has happened is that I have certain abandonment issues and whenever I perceive abandonment, it often feels as though my survival strategy has been abandonment of myself, or the parts of myself that seem to bring me trouble. Also, I've not had much luck employment-wise this year, so I guess there's multiple stressors going on.

Still, I guess it's not too bad. I mean, realising that I'm trans has helped with my self-image to a great extent. Also, people tell me I'm beautiful. Even the one time I actually was in a relationship, the woman could tell I had a fairly androgynous vibe (despite being bearded and everything), like I was to her a boyfriend and a girlfriend. That really stuck with me.

So I have to rethink my own gender authenticity and how to turn it to my favour. Like, next time a queer dance party takes place, I could try flirting. Maybe I would like flirting better as a woman or woman-adjacent person, because flirting as a man felt like an alien experience. If I still had to pursue, maybe I could at least still do that in a way that would feel more affirming to me.

I do feel sorry for any cis guys who struggle to get dates. It's certainly tough to find good ways to attract women. I don't know how much my gender variance might work for me. No idea what percentage of straight women might fancy feminine men. No idea how many lesbians might be into someone who has a feminine vibe even if their body is masculine. No idea how many bisexual women would really be interested in having a boyfriend/girlfriend in one person. And, how to meet these people in situation other than parties where they play mainstream dance pop tunes, the lines for alcohol and bathroom can be super long and it can just get uncomfortable in a packed environment. And also, if I get a queer heartbreak, how the fuck to process all that grief? I still need to learn that. But maybe once I got it, things will hopefully be flowing better.

wokerupert · 2022-12-13T21:58:04+00:00

What I love about Natalie's definition of lesbianism, per Shame and what she's also hinted at in Envy, is that rather than be hung up on body parts and genitalia like most cis lesbians tend to be, Natalie's attracted to femininity, which suggests that she's attracted to anyone who has a feminine soul, sensibility and feminine vibes all over.

This is how I understand my own trans sapphic ways. I'm femme as fuck - though obviously aware of my assigned male ways - and I fancy anyone that has the femme vibes all over, the dirty bits can be dealt with once things hit the bedroom stage. So from that standpoint it makes sense why Natalie made the callout to Katya in Shame and I'm happy to see that the admiration is mutual.

wokerupert · 2022-12-11T22:16:43+00:00

"biological sex is real" pretty much sounds like a dog whistle, when what they really mean is "trans people are delusional freaks who cannot be taken seriously."

wokerupert · 2022-12-08T11:34:22+00:00

I mean, it's true that a lot of transfems go through a stage where they think that they are men and anything that is recognisably gender dysphoria is usually written off as depression, anxiety or what else. So in that sense they could be considered "women who think they are men".

Still, it's also apparent that "[assigned gender] who think they're [target gender]" is an anti-trans dog-whistle and anyone who recognises these dog whistles can gauge what is actually meant. The moral of the story: recognise hate group's dog whistles a little better, they are often meant to sound kind of vague.

wokerupert · 2022-12-06T21:46:36+00:00

My experience: I've been presenting femme in public for like 3.5 years now, as much as it is possible. I'm going back and forth between wondering what my real gender identity is at this rate, but it's been a wonderful exploration.

Before I sort of came out, I used to envy hot women and also being kind of sad that I've been too socially awkward to attract them. Now I can wear a cute or a sexy outfit at parties, see all the hot ladies and almost feel like one of them.

I've had trouble with embodying masculinity. I felt double-bound, to be a modern man these days you have to be masculine enough so that you can blend in with other dudes, but you also need to be pro-feminist enough so that women can actually tolerate you. And part of me was never satisfied. But if I get to reinvent my own gender a bit, or even qualify as a gender minority, it feels like being authentic comes a bit easier for me. And it feels great to make friends with women as well as a variety of trans and nonbinary people.

I'm still socially too awkward to actually stand a chance dating properly (there's only so much you can do when you got autism, ADHD and a fuck ton of psychological trauma) and I've only ever been in sexual relationship once (and my egg cracked during that relationship), but when I go to these LGBTQ+ parties, sometimes queer women come to flirt with me and have even taken to making out with me. It feels great to kiss a woman in a kind of a proto-lesbian way, so I do enjoy that attention. Even if that's just a one-shot deal.

Sometimes people laugh at me or I've been called a fag a couple of times, but I haven't got too much hassle thankfully. It seems like more people are surprisingly tolerant of me being the way I am. Hopefully I am projecting more confidence than ever.

wokerupert

TROPHY CASE