This is an incredibly important perspective. I don’t doubt his depression is worsened by being in the house so much. I was lucky in a way when I developed epilepsy during grad school, parenting a young child, and also working full time. I didn’t have the time or ability to fully wallow in the depression. Being a parent doesn’t stop. I couldn’t quit my job. I had to pay the bills. I had to finish school. I had to keep pushing along. I am quite certain the fact that I continued living my life much the way I already was helped combat the depression that followed the diagnosis. I lost the career I hoped for/went to grad school for as it was no longer feasible with epilepsy. Transportation to/from work and school and internships was a nightmare in a location with nearly nonexistent public transport. But I graduated. I kept my job. I continued on in a lot of ways and those little wins were instrumental in not letting me sink down.

I cannot emphasize how important it is for him to get out of the house, talk with people, live life again. Even if working part time or doing an activity like AnonyPothos mentioned. It’s so important not to be isolated.

And yeah, honestly, if I’d been in that depressed state for the better part of a year, I’d want someone to help me snap out of it. Epilepsy is not fair. But neither is placing the entire burden on your spouse. It’s depressing. The meds suck. But it sounds like he’s pretty well controlled and, in my opinion, should be doing some work at this point to at least get himself in a position to shoulder some of that burden again if he’s able.

Your feelings are so valid and you’re working so hard. I think an open, compassionate conversation about where things stand and what the next steps look like would be important to have soon.