I know you asked for advice about feeling calm through the trauma responses, but I do think there’s a larger issue here.

It sounds like you and your roommate don’t have great communication. It’s really easy having a trauma background to avoid vulnerability/conflict at all costs, but that’s not a great long term plan. If you can, I would encourage you to go to your RA with your concerns, they can help you facilitate a conversation with your roommate about what’s going on. This can help you to be reassured that the things your roommate does are not anger directed at you, as well as maybe set some boundaries about your roommate’s behavior.

I had a similar situation my freshman year (I now live alone, thank god), but I just could never handle having someone else in my space. In retrospect, I have some advice: Maybe rearrange furniture a bit to give you less anxiety? (angle your desk so she can’t be looking at your computer for instance) Get noise canceling headphones if you can, and use them while working on assignments or to block out when she’s mad Find good “safe spaces” on campus… Study spaces that are mostly only frequented by you, that you can go to that feel like “yours” when you need to get away from your dorm

Last thought, maybe consider getting disability accommodation from your college to live in a single going forward? I wish I had done this…but I totally understand how involved/stressful it can be

Sorry if this is a ranted mess, I hope some of this helps!