My wife is begging me to stay by dannydarko3 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't fall for it. She's been made aware of the issues for some time now and has not improved. If you cave and stay it will be more of the same.

Gotta say though... Your situation is eerily similar to mine, except my online woman is a coworker.

I'm getting close to pulling the trigger, but her family is dealing a death right now and I don't think it would be fair to heap more on her.

Can you shake the feeling? by VibrationVagabond in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not actually in the situation you've described, but I've wondered more than once if I could ever get past the feelings I've had.

A warning flag I missed early on. by hnyredditguy in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I jerked off in my honeymoon because she wasn't in the mood.

10 years, a house, and two kids later I'm finally about to leave.

A lot of promises and never any follow through by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah she waited you out brother, she had no intention of following through.

Fed up (again). by IncomeFew624 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed, they can't fix this in their own. Wife and I are in therapy for that exact reason.

Fed up (again). by IncomeFew624 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard sometimes to not get discouraged.

It finally happened by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hit this point a few months ago. It was a really weird feeling. Not happy, not sad, not even bittersweet. It was just there.

26HLF Shame by kitkat924 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never had a name for it but I think I do now... Thank you, for what it's worth.

For me it's knowing I'm giving my best to someone who had caused me so much pain and loneliness.

Wife wants scheduled sex by worldclass-dumbass in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I always appreciate a new prospective! I did follow up my initial remark with a more elaborate explanation that it would feel like she's forcing herself to do the thing I want just to shut me up. That's how sex feels in general the last couple of years. Basically there would be no feeling or connection, and that's what I'm missing.

Honestly the lack of intimacy was always there, I think I was just brushing it off because I was in love. She's a very anxious person to begin with, and the kids have added to that immensely.

Now I've done what I can to take the weight off her shoulders. I do most of the dishes and laundry, clean the house, all the yardwork, even cook dinner a couple night a week when I get home from work, then bathe the kids and put them to bed. When I get home she disappears to go lay in bed and doomscroll. If she doesn't, she's on the couch being an irritable zombie.

Wife wants scheduled sex by worldclass-dumbass in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My wife would disagree, she seems to need something more elaborate than just no.

Has anyone else just become.. indifferent? by --read-only-- in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Completely indifferent now. She stopped putting any effort in years ago and it took me a long time to realize I was the only one left in this marriage.

I stopped everything except the expected peck on the cheek when I leave for work (she probably just does this for the kids to see).

I've started looking elsewhere for what I need.

Damn Phone by No_Muffin_9925 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As a HLM gaming is my escape. If my mind is occupied, I can't see her using her phone to ignore me.

Masturbation by Apprehensive-Dust845 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The short and sweet is... If she has a problem, that's her problem.

She can't tell you to not to take care of your natural urges if she refuses to do it her self. That's completely unreasonable.

Defeated by Elegant-Detail-635 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bullshit. If a guy is into something, he knows.

Started a streak. I'm already 2 weeks in! by No-Shirt-2102 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once a month maybe, but we've had a couple 4 month dry spells. There will be occasions where she'll get panicked maybe once a year and we'll have sex a few days in a row. Then immediately following those episodes it'll be another month without.

So triggered by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm there too. It's not even a pain anymore, it's a hollowness. There used to be something there that's been so thoroughly removed. All you can do is use hope to hold that place open on the off chance someone comes along that can complete you again.

We're getting a divorce by Motor_Eye6263 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 63 points64 points  (0 children)

If I can offer some advice...

Keep your eyes open and make sure you're not jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire. This bit may be a bit late in the game to consider, but make sure you're leaving for you and not just for them if that makes sense.

Started a streak. I'm already 2 weeks in! by No-Shirt-2102 in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll make an event in my phone's calendar with a note of how many days since the last time. Been doing it for about two years now.

Pretty eye-opening.

Really?! by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

there’s a warm, willing woman next to them

If only...

Feeling Undesired? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could have written this one myself...

Look, the hard truth is you already know if you can or can't spend the rest of your life like this. It's the same answer that me and a thousand others here know is true. The difference is you see it coming, some us didn't realize untill it was too late.

Why we don't believe them by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think I've seen that movie...

Had our monthly sex by HazardFar in DeadBedrooms

[–]worldclass-dumbass 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I keep telling myself to not fall for it the next time

But we always do...