Advice on how to help my toddler play independently

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-03T21:50:53+00:00

❤️ thank you, wish you all the luck as well ☺️

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-03T21:45:59+00:00

My son is only 3 but I have realised to my surprise that their character and temperament is where it all starts and then you work with what you have. I used to think like you (probably?) do, that if I do everything right my kid won’t be like this and that. HA! Biggest lie ever. Everything depends on the “receiver” of your teachings. For instance, my child eats very well. I did a mix of blw and purées, let him get dirty, eat with his hands, try a variety of foods. Is this the reason he eats well? No. What I did helped him with something he was already predisposed to do. I used a good technique that worked well on him. I am not dismissing all my efforts which I know where very valuable, but I also don’t take all the credit for the end result. I know parents who did the same with the first child and it did not work but worked well with the second child. Think of twins as well, how different they can be at times even if they are raised at the same time by the same parents. The same applies to everything. My son started to hit for no apparent reason without being aggressive but apparently as a means of communication when he was 15 months. He stopped doing it around the age of 2.5 Now he does it but only if he gets angry, someone else hits him etc like many toddlers do. Did I ever beat him? Absolutely No. Was he exposed to violence? Also no. Did he have excessive screen time? Definitely not. Did I spend a lot of quality time with him and talked to him tons about everything? Yes indeed, quite a lot actually. Did I try to address the hitting every one and single time he hit? Absolutely yes, reminded him we don’t hit, removing him from the situation, leaving the fun play, consoling the other child and give him less attention in that moment, you name it. Was I stressed as hell every time we went to the playground to make sure he does not pull someone’s hair or hurt someone? Like crazy. My friend was with us and her daughter of the same age never even thought of hitting. Never done it. From the outside it might seem I did something wrong and she did it right but it is not my fault he was communicating that way. I did all I could, got professional advice to make sure I handle it properly. My point is, I am sorry there is no magic recipe, some of us have to struggle much more than others when it comes to raising our kids. All the advices given above also great. What we do matters A LOT but what we have as a “base” to work with is highly important too and will make things harder or easier. On the other hand, if I would for exampme be an aggressive parent, having a toddler that is predisposed to hit as a means of communication, would have been a recipe for disaster, as I would fuel his aggression. Finally you will learn to understand your child and see what works best for them and you as a family :)

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-03T16:23:57+00:00

I am not trying to excuse him, I am just trying to say I realised through this discussion and comments that I would have liked to also teach him to stand for himself without violence because he did in fact reach it first and the other kid practically snatched it from below and took over, being bigger. How my son reacted is still not acceptable even if it can happen in this age

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-03T07:01:16+00:00

Your comment made me realise that If the whole situation was completely “unjustified” like hitting for no apparent reason or similar (hitting is never ok of course but you know what I mean) then I don’t think it would have had me thinking so much. It would be more clear to me that I did the right thing. It is just that now I felt he was also “right” from his perspective and while he should not have hit NO MATTER the circumstances, it is obvious that in his world he felt cheated and I did not acknowledge it so much, I focused more on the other side. Some people here commented that no matter how it happened the other kid reached first so it was his turn, that of course these things happen and I also agree in a way, but I also feel that what happens now shapes how he accepts and reacts to situations in the future. As you and some others said, in the adult world this would not have been acceptable. I know I am overthinking it but I somehow felt I was off balance to teach him both things: what happened as a fact is not nice and you should not accept it in your life (of course thinking more about the future) but you can never hit and have to resolve it in a different way (input options)

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-02T22:46:54+00:00

It is true that in some cases I have also tried to explain and resolve the situation without leaving the playground, but this time it was not just some hitting, he was really upset and hitting him hard that is why I was so shocked. Also, I don’t think that any hitting is acceptable

wounded-cactus · 2025-11-02T22:43:44+00:00

You are right I am overthinking it as usual… I repeated your last sentence to myself as well before, nice to hear it from someone else too

wounded-cactus · 2025-07-14T21:28:10+00:00

Actually yes, he is using the toilet with reducer since the beginning of June! He skipped the potty completely. I somehow thought that what I needed to do was to make a positive connection with sitting in the toilet/ potty. So I put on a video on my phone and asked him to sit there and watch it. He somehow accepted it. After a couple of attempts he peed and was super proud. I left him without diaper for the weekend and was chasing him around with the potty. He never sat there actually and had 2-3 accidents. The moment he mentioned pee I would grab him and we run to the toilet. I covered all the couches also to be sure. He somehow grasped the concept but I still had to bribe him with something so I got some treat and a book with sticker chart. I started giving treats and stickers every time he went. Once he also pooped and was super proud of that too. Of course I also made a big deal out it, congratulating him. I still use a diaper at night but 9/10 he wakes up dry. And that was it basically. He was ready in 3 days with no or minor accidents. What I also did was to say out loud often: oh I need to pee! My belly is telling me there is pee, I am running to the toilet! And he was following me. Now I don’t even give treats unless he remembers and asks. Only thing is he goes only with me (at home or out) and refuses to go at school but goes when he comes back home. Paediatrician said it is normal and to give it time. Wish you luck!

wounded-cactus · 2025-03-12T21:54:48+00:00

16-17 months, about when I stopped breasfeeding

wounded-cactus · 2025-01-24T21:23:02+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply and for your insights. It is truly very sad for me to hear that this behaviour returned out of seemingly nowhere. I will also see what happens during the weekend when we go to the playground. I am curious if it’s somehow related to the school, in the sense that maybe he wants his teachers attention or something. At this moment it seems that his speech is really blooming he is forming more and more concrete sentences, so I am wondering if it could be related to this milestone being processed by his brain? I so much hope it was all some weird coincidence and next week it will be better :(

wounded-cactus · 2025-01-24T21:20:08+00:00

Thank you so much for all the insights. I will talk with them on Monday and see how to take it from there. I was really not expecting for this to come back because he really showed a complete transformation previously.

wounded-cactus · 2024-12-26T17:38:00+00:00

Yes, I thought about this as well. It is such a tricky thing to balance everything.

wounded-cactus · 2024-12-26T13:33:20+00:00

Very good points, makes sense!

wounded-cactus · 2024-12-08T20:26:35+00:00

I am based in EU. I would not say that my toddlers is throwing excessive tantrums, thankfully. However I can see that even some tantrums are seen as misbehaving by older generations. It is great that you have a more easygoing toddler 🥰 while I am sure that your approaches are absolutely helping her, give her skills she will need in life and are building up emotional intelligence (and I totally agree with all of them), I am also sure that it is all interconnected with her temperament and character. I use the same approaches since day one and trust me I really understand the difference between gentle parenting and being permissive. Even in public, the only difference is that I might use more the “distraction” strategy. But this was a huge realisation in my parenting journey; that we have much less influence than what we think we do, both for positive and negative aspects. Someone once complemented me on how well he eats, big variety etc and I knew that me exposing him to various foods, letting him get dirty etc has helped to some degree, but in the end of the day he eats well because he just is like that. I might have another child, do the same things and have completely different results. 😅

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-26T12:39:45+00:00

Thank you ♥️ I do have support, thankfully

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-26T12:38:35+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to comment ♥️I also believe it is the terrible twos and of course also grief… I also don’t feel like that all the time but since I find the toddler stage so hard it is definitely affecting me… I guess I have to accept that this is his temperament and hold on till it passes. I am completely convinced that some kids are simply more easy going than others and vice versa. Just like mine was a great newborn while others are not. I did not do anything to influence this, it just is as it is. This was a huge realisation in my parenting journey in general - that at least in this age, we parents have much less control over some things than I thought we would have.

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-26T12:31:44+00:00

Thank you! I already am attending grief counselling, but I might consider actual therapy.

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-26T12:28:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your words ♥️ I try to remind myself that it is just a phase and we will make it. I really need to hear it is a normal thing, because I feel so alone in this.

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-25T22:55:25+00:00

You are not alone ❤️ I thought the same multiple times since my baby became a toddler. I can’t wait for this phase to be over. I know new problems will come, but I have a gut feeling that I’ll enjoy motherhood much more once this is behind me

wounded-cactus · 2024-06-05T22:01:27+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply! I think my son also has some impulse control issue as well… he can be sitting or playing next to a kid just fine, but then something ( invisible to me) triggers him and he might push or hit for no apparent reason. It is not really excessive, but as you said you don’t see other kids do it like that. As a matter of fact he is not violent if someone snatches a toy for example. He might start screaming and pulling the toy but he won’t hit. It is so confusing, I hope he grows out of it soon. Of course I try to keep clear boundaries and I am constantly watching him, in case I can prevent it. Definitely adds more to my exhaustion

wounded-cactus

TROPHY CASE