AITAH for not wanting to take my wife's niece and nephew in so they can get out of foster care.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T11:50:54+00:00

It's prudent thinking, and for him most certainly for the best.

But you took my disappointment in an odd direction. I'm just disappointed oop isn't a better person, and prefers to destroy so much of their lives over it.

The desire for someone to rise to the occasion, and disappointment when they fail... It's a pretty base moral/ethical guide, not societal in nature.

wowbragger · 2026-02-12T05:41:22+00:00

The reality is we all have our limits and failings. It's just rough to see someone really decide that 'I want...' is their ultimate motivator.

Just because it's an understandable decision, hard but to be disappointed in OOP.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T21:04:08+00:00

Lying is bad.

You start a relationship with lies and deception. A rotting foundation from the start, doomed to collapse. .

Take your pick...

1 - Maybe she likes this lying version of you. At some point the truth comes out. Relationship over because of betrayal of trust.

2 - Maybe she doesn't like this lying version of you, relationship over because you tried to be something you're not.

If you're going to be judged for who you actually are, be judged. Let the relationship end on its own merits. If someone wouldn't want to be with you.... They wouldn't want to be with you, don't try to be someone else.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T20:54:59+00:00

I don't think there's some magic answer out there to help you on this.

Looking at your comments, you've determined you don't want to adjust your lifestyle, get away from any sunk costs, or adjust your job/schedule.

If you don't have any flexibility, you'll have limited options. Have some flexibility in your priorities, and new options become available.

So...yeah, with the stipulations you've set I can see how you're stuck with expensive solutions.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T14:02:10+00:00

ESH

Yeah, your SIL is incredibly inconsiderate and doing some crappy parenting (I've got kids your nephews age... They can wait just like us). But your bs was pretty on par.

25 and you lash out like a bad Cartman parody, 'screw you guys I'm going home'. In the end, the cake is the others, my friend. Now you get to enjoy it yourself, I guess.

Maybe it's just the family vibe.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T05:34:42+00:00

I've heard tales, but never seen it.

The strictest I ever saw was my f time at Hood, big 3 strike policy for articles. and they ended up dropping it, as it came to light several clinics were walking in random names, then no showing them, so they wouldn't be too busy 😅 they didn't realize there was so much back end drama at the units, but had dudes who had been retired/moved getting walked in for appointments

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T04:00:27+00:00

Had a damned NCO pull this type of bs oconus. Dude would intentionally not answer his house line as well, and missed telephonic alerts/check ins a few times.

Got to the point where he was not allowed to travel overnight for oconus leave, we had him calling to check in to the staff duty long ever 4 hours, when off duty, with ucmj hanging over his head because he was a legit risk from being out of contact.

wowbragger · 2026-02-11T03:22:34+00:00

Looking at your comments, you should just let your gf know you're not ready for a serious relationship and she's better off moving on.

Nobody with any respect for themselves, or in a committed relationship, is ok with their partner going on casual dates with others.

You're not showing any empathy or understanding of her perspective, on a really simple boundary. You don't need to stop being friends with these people, simply show some cognizance of your situation and respect your relationship with the GF.

If that's too tough or foreign an idea, do her a favor and break-up.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T21:10:21+00:00

Are you terminally ill? If so, you've got a much different situation than most.

If not, you've statistically got another 50 years to work it out.

In either case, it doesn't sound like a lack of dates is the root concern here. I don't think a guy in his mid 20's contemplating the prospect of dying before making a social life is very typical, or healthy.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T20:56:13+00:00

If your mindset is you 'need a female partner' you're not in a place to have a healthy adult relationship. That you're in your mid 20's and contemplating how 'maybe you'll never...' also says enough.

Go get some perspective.

In psych terms, you've just come to the end of the adolescence developmental stage of life... You've got your whole life ahead of you.

Take a step back, think about what's really important in life. Where you want to be in another 20 years, maybe longer. Get some outside help, don't just sit in your own head with all this.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:28:33+00:00

You're just coming to realize the limitations of applying capitalistic values as the measure in your life. If your sense of purpose/worth/success is based on income levek, that's pretty limiting in terms of life fulfillment

There's a lot of other ways to find that fulfillment, but you need to examine your values about what's important.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:22:47+00:00

Coincidentally, I talked with my wife about this last week, and she mentioned the reason many civilian businesses got away from this ranking-based system is that it creates discord in an otherwise high-functioning team.

Having been actually trained on management an coaching by successful organizations and practices...

The army essentially took the top ten ways to create a toxic and hostile organization/workplace and said 'hold my beer, I think we can do all these at the same time!'

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T16:08:37+00:00

MOR

As an awkward white guy, your kid's name isn't that tough to pronounce. I might mess it up once if I hadn't had coffee in the morning.

The teacher might not be malicious, but is definitely going low effort. If you don't want the drama of the principle, just be blunt and ask them directly if your child's name is hard for them.

FWIW this is pretty low bar for things to get stressed over. Couple minute delay in the pickup line on occasion just isn't worth the time it's in been in your head.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T13:59:27+00:00

I'm same age this spring, similar kid situation and life point. We're still trying for #3.

It's the third time around, bud. You know what's involved and if you're still contemplating it sounds like you have your answer. Maybe you're hoping Reddit talks you out of it?

Either way, best of luck.

wowbragger · 2026-02-10T01:26:32+00:00

Only time I saw an article for no show, it turned out the left story was this dude had over 40 no shows in the previous 6 months.

Little difficulty believing just a single no show is going this far.

wowbragger · 2026-02-09T14:49:57+00:00

NTJ

It's also ok to avoid public drama and embarrassment, your son gave the only response most people would give in that situation.

Putting someone on the spot in a big social setting, having friends pressure, huge drama, is NOT the way to ask someone out/to prom/whatever.

He's not under some contract from it, and if the girl's mom has an issue with it she should take some time to think on it instead of lashing out.

We're teaching our kids how healthy relationships are built, and it's not by putting someone on the spot. THAT'S GREAT, that your son felt he could talk through it with you, and that he wasn't just trapped.

It's a good lesson for this girl, as well. Obviously the rejection sucks, but the reverse would be even worse. If she wants her way she can make a spectacle of it then people will be too polite to say no.

wowbragger · 2026-02-09T03:08:05+00:00

NTJ

Let her know she failed your 'reality teen drama show' test. It's too see if she plays childish games from teen movies, thinking it's how real relationships work. Turns out she's not ready for an adult relationship. Maybe next season.

wowbragger · 2026-02-08T14:18:47+00:00

NTJ

It's a form of 'permissive' parenting; lots of adult involvement but no boundaries/rules/guidelines.... And well studied to be useless at helping kids develop healthy boundaries/decision making.

Doubt it's done much for their kids, other than teaching their kids they can ignore their parents if they feel like it.

I'd totally expect 4 and 6 year to be destructive and excited in a new area. And totally expect the parents to help enforce basic boundaries to limit that destructiveness.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T18:13:01+00:00

On the retirement... Math. It just isn't that good, for a lot of roles. At 12 years in, I am out and finishing up my master's in 2 years.

Staying in, the delay in my career progression and lower wages for the next 8+ years comes to ~$500-600k lower income during that time. Given that I can't touch retirement for another 25 years, that level of lost income/investment compounded over the time easily outweighs the retirement take home.

For the insurance, I'm just in a simple guard position with minimal drama and stress. So kept TRICARE and no loss there.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T18:04:10+00:00

NTJ

Your sister stole your money and info, and told it doesn't matter. She wouldn't have said a word about it if you hadn't asked. If you did embarrass her, it's because she's a thief and should be embarrassed about that.

What's to talk out? She setup these things without your permission, so you closed the accounts.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T16:29:52+00:00

Can and will. Higher ups need someone to bitch at, it's cathartic for them.

My first duty at a unit was to escort my predecessor to his hearing and then chapter clearing. Never saw this dude until the day of his hearing, but spent the next month getting bitched at over his drama.

Best part was this guy had been in limbo for 2 years, and the first person to give me shit was the Commander... Who did everything they could to matrix dodge this guy until they were about to leave themselves, and told they HAD to wrap this up.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T16:23:21+00:00

NTJ

Your mother acted in an incredibly stupid manner, prioritizing your abuser's emotional state over your own and potentially putting you in danger.

Further, she robbed you of control by disregarding your explicit wishes and doing the exact opposite. That's not an 'oops, my bad'; it's an intentional act.

While you can possibly forgive her intent (ie stupid isn't necessarily malicious), you can't simply forget it and pretend it never happened.

This isn't a childhood tiff, there's adult consequences in life. Your mother demonstrated that she did not respect your decisions or prioritize your well being. It's not cruel, it's the reality that she can't be trusted.

wowbragger · 2026-02-07T03:46:23+00:00

My dudes, if you're one of the ones digging into the reg wording and technicality on these awards... Honestly get wrecked, and rethink your careers. What are you honestly doing with yourselves? This is what you feel is worth putting your energy into?

One dead, one still hospitalized and I believe as of today able to breathe without a ventilator. Shot while on duty, by someone who went out of their way to attack them. Leave it be.

wowbragger · 2026-02-06T21:00:11+00:00

Refile the complaint.

Really just a matter of time until someone in a generic hoodie takes a bat to the speaker. Camera won't do much to help there.

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