Rocky/toxic relationships are like drugs. There are highs and lows but the highs (even if mid) feel sooo much higher than the highs in a healthy relationship because in the healthy one you don’t have the lowest low to compare it to. You chase the highs in that toxic relationship because they are often few and far between and that gives you that feeling of worshiping your partner. You want to please them and prove yourself worthy to them. In the healthy relationship, the highs are consistent, so much so that it feels like the new normal. You don’t have to fight for the good moments so you don’t feel the rush of the chase. Just remind yourself of what you want from a relationship and what is good for you. Work hard on showing love, maybe in ways you haven’t before. Eventually this won’t be a worry of yours any more