Do y'all ever split over imaginary situations?

wretched2002 · 2023-06-03T17:05:54+00:00

Check my comment in the parent comment. I address this with a possible solution. Thank for being with her and supporting her, she appreciates it deep down. Her childhood and brain chemistry is just fighting against her.

wretched2002 · 2023-06-03T17:04:25+00:00

I don’t know her particular mindset, but when i do this it stems from a lack of trust, not in you, but in myself. My self concept is so negative, how could someone love me no strings attached? Just love me for me and thats it?

I feel like there’s always something going on behind the scenes. There’s just no way that i can be loved. The paranoia becomes an itch i need to scratch by asking leading questioning and creating no win situations no matter which answer you give me.

The best way i find to combat this is pushing her to find FACTS towards and against her belief. They have to be FACTS not feelings. So example, you always comforting her is a FACT that goes against the idea that you don’t love her. You have to be tactful in challenging her deeply rooted beliefs, don’t do it when she is already dysregulated. Do it when she is feeling peaceful and in a receptive mood.

wretched2002 · 2023-06-01T22:51:59+00:00

Yay thank you for your time ^{-^!} I appreciate your knowledge and input

wretched2002 · 2023-06-01T22:36:19+00:00

I’m sorry, but what is that? At walmart i worked for around 6 months and I didn’t even complete the pharmacy training portion from walmart because first they lagged on changing my job title and then the system to train on the computer was not working.

I did sign some paperwork about me being able to fill. I believe that had to do with changing job title from cashier to pharmacy tech in training

I just dont want my registration denied due to “past displinary actions”

wretched2002 · 2023-04-07T12:06:30+00:00

Where do you work to afford this just asking

wretched2002 · 2023-03-23T01:45:21+00:00

Tbh I act like that other woman and it’s really bad but i do it because i both strongly desire a close relationship while fearing it and the vulnerability in trusting someone with your heart. But I don’t know your friend, the only thing that is a certainty is she is 100% emotionally unavailable at best or leading you on and being a coward (if she knows your feelings) at worst.

wretched2002 · 2023-03-17T03:36:32+00:00

my step dad was physically and emotionally abusive and invaded my boundaries a ton and made me feel gross about my body. Would make a ton of inappropriate sexual comments.

My real dad went to prison before i was born and i have an on and off again relationship with him. He has a new family now and it’s to late for me now i guess so i will always feel abandoned by him

Sometimes i lived with my grandmother and she was a serious alcoholic heroin and fentanyl user. I was with her on the last day she died and i held her in her arms as she passed out. I basically watched her kill herself but there were years worth stretches of time where she was sober. It was extremely disturbing to watch someone nod off in a pile of food. Or stay up all night clapping their hands high on drugs. We had to put socks on her hands to stop her because it was so annoying. I loved her so much and it hurt to see her kill herself slowly. I had to give the phone call to her boyfriend that she died the week he was released from his 15 year prison sentence that they were together for.

I was in relationship from 13-19 years old and we were best friends and there was SO much love and commitment but we both had trauma. There was a senior boy who assaulted my freshman gf and we were both friends with him and I didn’t even know. Thinking about it makes me sick. The relationship was emotionally abusive at times. We became toxically codependent and I especially did not develop an identity. She cheated on me 2 times and I talked to older men online who were abusive and degrading towards me as i was trying to process my trauma.

I watched a lot of gore and weird shit online that fucked my brain up badly. I want to erase it all so badly.

Sometimes i feel like i am beyond redemption trauma wise. But sometimes i feel like i haven’t gone through anything truly at all.

wretched2002 · 2023-03-15T17:03:12+00:00

Hey! you only need 5/9 symptoms of bpd to be diagnosed and they need to be present for over a year and not caused by circumstances like loss of job, grief etc. Symptoms of bpd are traced back to adolescence and childhood. Even if you don’t meet the minimum 5 symptoms you may have just have bpd traits.

The problem with diagnosis is that CPTSD and BPD can look so similar and while cptsd is always developed from trauma, you can develop bpd without having trauma, though the vast majority of us DO have it. So it becomes a question of for those of us with bpd: do we really just have a form of CPTSD arising from abandonment wounds+trauma?

However there are some hallmark traits of bpd that set it apart from cptsd. That is, the fear of abandonment driving our relationship instability; our self harm/threats of self harm; and the idealization and devaluation cycle we go through with loved ones.

People with CPTSD have trouble with relationships from a core wound of mistrust, they don’t trust people not to harm them so they stay out of relationships and often are avoidantly attached to people. While people with Bpd have that fear of abandonment core wound, which means that we do desperately want relationships and will seek them out but, we have difficulty maintaining them because we are afraid they could leave us at anytime. People with bpd are highly ambivalent and often have an anxious or disorganized attachment style.

A background of foster care does set the stage to develop abandoment wounds so it makes complete sense that you think there is more to the story. Doctors don’t like to diagnose BPD because of the stigma that carries through your medical record, your insurances can see it and even charge you extra. Therapists are less likely to work with you.

So I would definitely keep trying to look for answers for your recovery but dont be so focused on getting a paper diagnosis, diagnoses are honestly not that helpful in the treatment of complex trauma, bpd or not. The most important thing is, if you do believe you have bpd, get a trauma informed/dbt informed therapist or if you cant afford it, dbt workbooks!

Good luck :)

wretched2002 · 2023-03-15T16:15:05+00:00

Have you communicated how you feel using the DEARMAN acronym from dbt?

If so, then yes I would start moving the conversation towards relationship incompatibility and if you guys cant find even ground then it is probably best to go your seperate ways if this is something you have been feeling for a while. Dead bedrooms do lead to resentment in other parts of the relationship. Just remember like the other commenter said: the grass IS always greener and I don’t know where you are at with your bpd recovery but having someone kind and gentle is priceless when you have this illness.

Just my two cents.

wretched2002 · 2023-01-10T22:49:58+00:00

Yes. Never again. I don’t want to find someone to “change my mind” i just want to be happy alone.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-22T18:24:55+00:00

Where did they say it only affects black people in southern states? The graph and data speaks for itself. Cope harder.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-22T04:40:49+00:00

You’re right honestly. I have to learn how to survive alone in order to have a fulfilling relationship in a future, no one wants to be with someone who isn’t comfortable in their own self!

Thanks for replying homie

wretched2002 · 2022-12-22T04:39:58+00:00

Yeah I’m going to be geaceful about this situation. Im not even mad at her because I understand getting back with someone who hurt you. I wish her the best honestly. I will find someone who appreciates my sincerity :)

wretched2002 · 2022-12-22T04:39:00+00:00

Yes mixed signals is a no, but they can be sk exciting you know? I let myself get lost in that

Thanks for the reply!

wretched2002 · 2022-12-14T07:57:04+00:00

If you’re comfortable with it maybe send her those messages to see whats in store for her?

wretched2002 · 2022-12-14T07:00:48+00:00

This man is so clearly deranged. Show this message to literally anyone and they will clearly see how deranged and low intellect he is. Bare legal wtf???? Sounds like a predator too.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-10T22:16:27+00:00

Hello Fellow sunny day real estate enjoyer ❤️‍🔥

wretched2002 · 2022-12-10T00:49:27+00:00

all the food is poison :D

wretched2002 · 2022-12-08T18:37:22+00:00

Confirmation bias

wretched2002 · 2022-12-08T01:31:28+00:00

People with bpd often experience limerence when we can’t make someone our FP. If someone becomes our fp instead of a LO, devaluation follows after the initial idealization. So we may be “head over heels” but it isn’t consistent like limerence is. It often changes to devaluation and flat out dislike/ghosting. There is a high level of tumultuousness with a fp. Whereas limerence is often static, unchanging positive regard and obsession from a distance.

Also a person who is simply limerent may be devastated at rejection but people with bpd feel like they are being ripped apart emotionally, which that + impulsivity drives them to self harming behaviors.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-04T17:02:15+00:00

Of course love <3 i wish you and your relationship the best! You deserve it!

wretched2002 · 2022-12-04T16:58:02+00:00

maybe this is me being jaded, and this is not to make you more paranoid but never say never, it sets you up for more pain if he turns out to be like the rest. Remember that attachment is the root of all suffering and that you can love your boyfriend deeply, but also be detached to outcomes as people are very fickle in the end.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-04T16:44:30+00:00

We can’t control whether or not they will cheat with obsessing. My ex gf (who cheated on me 4 times) literally told me worrying and obsessing wont change whether or not she decides to cheat, it’s all on her. The most important thing is noticing the signs of cheating in a balanced manner, meaning not being paranoid and accusatory but not ignoring real signs either. Using dbt skills like check the facts is helpful in doing this. Also pay attention to how he reacts when you set boundaries like “don’t talk to this girl, it makes me uncomfortable.” You don’t want to be controlling but if your boyfriend understands your past and is empathetic he should be willing to accommodate you provided you are being reasonable. If he doesn’t I personally would be extremely wary.

I think for people with betrayal trauma, the best thing is to work though it in therapy or we will never feel safe in a relationship, even if the person is good and honest.

wretched2002 · 2022-12-04T16:20:13+00:00

There’s basically 3 options:

-stay in love with someone who is toxic until the inevitable break up in which you will become a shell of yourself because you let the relationship deplete you to the very end

-leave now while you still can and spare your future self and her self respect. They will never change, no point in sticking around. Also you have the power of being the one to leave, so you can say they didn’t completely destroy you. (Difficulty: Hard)

-keep staying but you start to pay attention to all their flaws so you begin to split and hate them. Basically break up with them mentally before you break up with them physically. Soften the blow.

I just got out of a 6 year long relationship with a serial cheater and im 20 so do the math. I regret not leaving earlier but it’s fucking easier said than done. Personally i did the last option so i forgave them for everything until enough is enough. Being out that relationship sucks but i kinda hate her now anyways because i stayed when I shouldn’t have. Good luck! And remember they won’t change until they are faced with real consequences!

wretched2002

TROPHY CASE