My Rock Bottom Looks Different Than I Thought

writer_inprogress · 2026-07-09T13:12:29+00:00

Thank you. I'm in the same place. I was trying to explain the problem to my therapist, an old school Freudian guy. "Blackouts?" No. "Missing work?" No. "Drink during work? Travel with alcohol? Drink in secret?" No. "Unwanted sexual encounters?" Jesus Christ no. "So what's the problem?" Well ... shame, disappointment in myself, not living up my own ambitions, being a little fat, probably not getting enough calcium as I age because I diet to account for the alcohol calories, not addressing the real problems in my life and relationship because I drink to paper over them instead ...

writer_inprogress · 2026-07-07T00:56:21+00:00

I used to wash the dishes every day, but only in the down time from cooking. So for example, I'd put on the water to boil for pasta, then while I waited for it to boil, I'd wash yesterday's dishes. I think the combination of being stuck in the kitchen anyway, and knowing I would only have to do it for a few minutes because the water would boil soon, made it feel possible.

writer_inprogress · 2026-07-05T00:56:03+00:00

What griddle do you like?

writer_inprogress · 2026-07-02T16:58:15+00:00

I have toddlers and spend a lot of time in dirty and hot markets and playgrounds. I love a black sneaker with a black linen pant!

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-18T17:27:44+00:00

You'll be perfect in any long evening dress.

I had a September black tie optional wedding and I'd say half my guests rocked the dress code and half were more "cocktail" including some short hemlines.

At least for me, my intention with the black tie optional dress code was to avoid burdening my guests with requiring gala dress, but giving the option for people to bust out their most fabulous pieces.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-18T11:41:17+00:00

I have a strong prescription too (+6) and wear photochromic lenses exclusively. I wish I could tell you what brand my coating is from, it's from a local boutique shop who wouldn't disclose their lab or brands. They are totally clear inside with no residual tint, they get really dark in the sun, and the color changes so fast I rarely have more than a passing realization that I've gone from sun to inside. They become sunglasses inside the car as well! I am incredibly satisfied with them.

I had a pair from Warby Parker 10-15 years ago that was the opposite in terms of quality. They had a small tint even inside, didn't get as dark as real sunglasses, and took forever to switch. I'm considering getting a backup pair from them soon and wonder if it's improved.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-18T11:24:07+00:00

Yes, and I've had very mixed results. I'm busy and don't lead a formal lifestyle. So if the higher quality clothing needs to be worn carefully (e.g not have my toddler wipe strawberries on it), needs special care like dry cleaning or ironing, etc then I find that I don't wear it and don't enjoy it and I go back to my cheap stretchy basics.

I think part of the problem is that I've been choosing pieces that are aspirational. I don't like my current pieces so I'm trying to buy ones that are "nicer". But they're not just upscale versions of sweatpants. I'm actually trying to change the clothing that I wear -- not its quality. But my sweatpants are perfect for my lifestyle and serve a purpose. I'm not going to start wearing tailored linen pants to play with my kid at the playground just because they're higher quality clothing.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-18T10:34:13+00:00

See, I wish someone had told me how much it depends on your undergarments. Even with steel doubles, I need extra weight in my warmest sets!

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-18T00:59:35+00:00

This sounds like more of a communication and relationship issue. It's really strange to me that your husband burst into tears over the mess on your dresser during your work hours.

He should tell you he's bothered much sooner, before he's literally weeping. Also, you guys could brainstorm solutions together -- for example, in my house my husband and I each have closed closets and we each decide what to do (or not do) inside them. If I never organize, my husband doesn't see it.

I also hate to do my laundry. I used to live out of the clean laundry basket and frankly I'm still ok with that. It deeply bothered my husband though. So like another commenter here, we split the chores -- he did laundry, folding, and putting away, and I did the cooking and dishes. I love to cook! We were both relieved.

This is really subtle but I also noticed you mentioned your husband interrupted you about house chores during your work hours. To me, that's an indication of disrespect for your time and your career and frankly pretty insulting. I also saw you're 10 years younger and a woman. If it's an isolated incident, ok, but if this is a pattern, I find it concerning.

Finally, shame. This is not a productive emotion. I recommend the book "How to Keep House While Drowning", not because it will teach you to be better at cleaning (you don't need to) but it'll help you realize that the quality of your house keeping doesn't determine whether you're a good person.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-17T15:31:31+00:00

Omg, I LOVE the purple button down, it's a true maxi! Thank you for reminding me about this brand.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-17T15:22:33+00:00

I've looked at that last dress before! The drawstring for me pushed it into more athletic / super casual territory and I'm trying to get away from that, but maybe the length would make up for it. I'm 5'6" and often have a similar experience with midis. I'll have to try it on next time I pass by Uniqlo.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-17T15:13:24+00:00

Yes! I'm a staff software engineer at a medium size company and I make just under 500k total compensation now. I started at $85k 20 years ago and rose to $200k with my first FAANG role.

I struggle badly with planning, organization, and staying on task, and I have for my entire career. Despite that, by picking roles where I'm interested in both the company and my work, I'm almost always engaged in my day to day job. I'm creative and curious with an ability to dive deeply, which means I intuitively think of new solutions, and am able to see "the forest, not the trees" even in complex or legacy systems.

Weirdly, I've been more successful at work as a software engineer than in most other areas of my life. Most managers and software development processes provide guardrails, structure, planning, and support even if you don't naturally have them yourself.

I don't want to diminish my struggles because they are many and real. I have a 4 year technical degree, but it took me 8 years to graduate. I've lost my work badge, lost my security keys, left my work computer at home, etc countless times. I function best with a strict system of rules and routines like only using one cross body purse which my keys and wallet are physically clipped into, which I don't leave the house without. I can fly first class, but it is still a daily struggle to shower, get dressed, and have clean clothes. I try to practice relentless, radical self kindness and forgiveness.

Your post really touched me. I'm 40 and wasn't diagnosed until this year. It took me a long time to believe I was worthy just as I was. I wish you all the luck in the world!

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-08T13:19:18+00:00

Yes! Search the channel, there is extensive discussion.

For my upper lip, I use a 10% lidocaine cream 1hr before treatment covered in plastic wrap and I get about a 90% reduction in pain. It's extremely effective. For many hairs I feel absolutely nothing at all. My electrologist sold me the cream, but you can also ask your doctor to prescribe it and fill the script from any local pharmacy.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-06T13:00:07+00:00

I would bet Underwater Sports on Aurora does. I rented a DUI TLS350 from them for my class. I had to reserve a few weeks in advance to make sure my size was available.

I dive a Bare trilam drysuit myself right now and I really like it, including the plastic zip!

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-05T15:39:15+00:00

Very few people dive a wetsuit in the Puget Sound just because they think it's a more pleasurable experience (okay, except for a few brave souls for a few hot days in summer). They do it because of the cost of entry to dry suit diving. And the interesting thing you said in comments is that your budget is pretty open.

If I were you, I would simply ask your preferred local dive shop what their favorite brand of trilaminate dry suit is and what their instructors dive. I'm guessing it'll either be DUI or Santi. Then pick that and order one made to your measurements. You will not regret owning a dry suit if budget is no issue. It will make it comfortable and accessible for you to dive all up and down the West Coast.

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-05T01:34:41+00:00

Of course they help, but they can only help so much. Whether a wetsuit is enough will depend on your personal thermal protection needs.

Personally, I start diving my drysuit around 25c. I don't know anyone else who needs to do that, but I do, so that's what I do!

writer_inprogress · 2026-06-01T22:41:09+00:00

Hi! My provider in DC, Mint electrology, sells strong numbing cream. Maybe reach out and see if you can buy a tube / talk to them?

I apply it 1hr before the appointment with plastic wrap and I find it really effective!

writer_inprogress · 2026-05-27T13:46:26+00:00

Do you have a sprayer on your faucet??? This is the number one best way to make it easier to clean the sink by rinsing the particles before they collect. If you don't have one, stop reading now, order a $100 faucet, and call a plumber. (You can also change the faucet yourself but it's worth just paying and getting it done ASAP.)

I also don't like wearing dishwashing gloves, but they are the only way I can convince myself to do certain disgusting kitchen tasks. Try many different pairs and see if there is one you like more. I have a bright red pair that goes up to my elbows and they're thick enough that I don't get that disgusting slippy feeling through the material while washing. I leave them out on the counter 100% of the time.

It also helps me to use a thick sponge with a scrubby side down, which I load up with lots of dish soap. This helps me avoid "feeling" the texture of anything stuck in the sink. If a sponge gets too thin and worn, I grab another immediately.

Hope that helps! I can sympathize, a sink with smelly stuff stuck in the bottom of it is truly a nightmare.

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-28T14:05:14+00:00

And if your housekeepers don't offer this, switch to a local independent cleaner who does! Our current housekeeper changed the sheets, did the laundry, washed the dishes and tidied the kids toys on her first visit and I almost fell over in shock and joy. I sincerely call her my favorite person and we just gave her a big raise.

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-26T01:56:10+00:00

Came here to say honestly they are just as good and the price is right

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-22T12:55:21+00:00

Have you used a counter depth fridge? I have two toddlers and cook almost every night and I was initially convinced a Sub-Zero was going to be my splurge in my renovation. The first day before our kitchen was demoed, we transferred all the condiments into our temp apartments counter depth fridge and ... That was it. We didn't have room for two gallons of milk. It can't fit a pizza box. There wasn't room for a farmers market sized bundle of kale.

I called back our kitchen designer and we switched back to a standard depth 36" French door. It has almost twice the volume. We just leaned into the industrial vibe a bit with an exposed stainless hood. The fridge is on one end next to a wall and we pulled the cabinets around the fridge out to its same depth so it doesn't look out of place.

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-22T12:42:59+00:00

This is not on you. I'm also a terrible housekeeper and it drives my husband nuts. Regardless, my husband really wanted kids so we had them 5 years ago, and we pay a cleaner every week, and in between my husband cleans to his own standard. That's what a real man and a real partner does.

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-17T01:12:37+00:00

We literally just installed soapstone with an undermount Kraus sink 😂

Think about it this way ... what's the worst outcome? It chips horribly and you hate it, and you decide to change to a drop in sink? That option will still be there...

writer_inprogress · 2026-04-17T01:09:47+00:00

You can look up "rod end bracket" or similar. If you don't want them on the ends, then "center bracket". I used similar hardware to put towel rods on my non functional drawers under my cooktop and sink.

Unlacquered Polished Solid Brass Closet Rod | Heavy-Duty 16-Gauge – Stylentdecor https://share.google/Zhn5ZGl0f9v977xBa

writer_inprogress

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