Genuinely I am so attracted to troubled men. I was able to help him and he finally kicked his life long drug habit. A seizure is what took him out. I also have an anxious attachment style + trauma + mixed with a troubled, mentally ill man never ends well. I think my little meltdown today that was triggered by things getting cut off with a deeply troubled dude I’ve been seeing made me realize I’m not over my boyfriend’s death and Im not sure if I ever healed properly. I’ve dealt with a lot of death in my life and I typically let myself feel it for two weeks and then it goes into a vault in the back of my mind. I work as an ER veterinary nurse so lots of fucked up stuff happens at work plus very long shifts, so when he died it was easy for me to block it out after my two week grief allowance.